Your favroute simpsons quotes

[Raz]

Ok weve had the favroute monty python quotes lets have you favroute Simpsons quotes....

mine is:"will we ever see her again dad?""im sure we will"*sherry bobbins gets sucked into plane engine* "im suuure we will"

[anubis2003]

"That team sure did suck last night. I've seen teams suck before, but that was the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."

[Raz]

"hello, my name is mr burns, i believe you have a letter for me... ok whats your first name mr burns... i dont know"

[anubis2003]

"Pbbbft. English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England"

[dollerspark]

Chief Wiggum: "Sorry, wrong number. This is 9-1...2."


Moe in lie-detector test: "Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?" "No." *BUZZ* "All right maybe I did but I didn't shoot him!" *DING* "Checks out. Ok, sir, you're free to go." "Good, cause I got a hot date tonight." *BUZZ* "Or a date" *BUZZ* "Dinner with a friend" *BUZZ* "Dinner alone" *BUZZ* "Watching TV alone" *BUZZ* "All right! I'm gonna sit at home and oggle the ladies in the Victorias Secret catalogue" *BUZZ* "...Sears catalogue." *DING* "Now would you unhook this already please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment" *BUZZ*

Kinda long, but pretty funny.

[Raz]

lmao, good one
"mmmmmmmm... sacrelicious"

[dlinkwit27]

i don't watch the simpsons

[Raz]

dont post here then

[dlinkwit27]

i did see one the other day where sideshow bob was let out of jail to try to find homers would-be murder. i found the cheif's commetn funny. "we don't have to protect or anything like that" then the black cop points to his badge. yea, that was good. :D

[liquidmotion]

(referring to the frenchies) "Cheese-eating surrender monkies!"

[anubis2003]

*bart turns on tv in japan*
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGH"

[kichik]

"Doh!" :D

[ryan]

"mmmmmmmmmmMMMm"

[Keldrif]

I am so smart,
I am so smart,
S-M-R-T
I mean S-M-A-R-T
Doh!

(Homer swerves into a tree trying to avoid a deer)
Homer: Doh!
Lisa: A DEER!
Marge: A FEMALE DEER!

[anubis2003]

You forgot "fish sticks"

[Vie]

hummmmmm free goo

[QHOBBES]

"Stu, you should buy that" "Hey, Disco Stu doesn't advertise"

"Worst <imsert something here> ever"

[Raz]

lisa - "if you search her room im sure you'll find the missing money"
homer - "to the little girls room"

[mikm]

i like the sherry bobbins one raz posted

"these berries taste like burning!"

"how about screw flanders"

"whoops, there goes albany"

homer is taking a lie detector test (about the 'alien') he saw
Scully or Mulder (i forget which): *explains test* "Do you understand?"
Homer: "Yes"
*machine explodes*

"Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit...untik I jam this down your throat!!"

"This will knock you out" *punches homer then injects himself with some drug* "hi everybody!"

Homer: "maybe a little moprhine would help me remember...maybe a little more" etc.

"In the jungle, the creepy jungle, I ride a freak tonight!"

(homer sees a sign saying 'DIE'): *screams*
(the wind blows away a bush, revealing that it says 'DIET'): *screams even louder and runs off*

and finally
lisa: "dad, its poisoned!"
homer (about to eat a poisoned pastry): "eh, I've had a good life."
lisa: "dad, its low fat!"
homer: "noooo..."

[tiger84]

"Craptacular"
"Buenos-ding-dong-didily-dias Senior"

Originally posted by anubis2003
That team sure did suck last night. I've seen teams suck before, but that was the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

It's funnier when you know that Bart used the word sucks, and Marge wants to know where he got that kind of language from and then Homer, who is on the phone says that.

So, is anyone here going to watch the 300th episode tonight?

[Raz]

"Beer is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

"Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

"Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

"This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit."

"Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the ... things?"

[tiger84]

I like when Homer quits the plant to become a pin monkey and he ends up crawling back to Mr. Burns and Mr. Burs goes, "As punishment for deserting, it is company policy to give you the plague."

Mr. Smithers: "Uhh, thats the plaque sir."
Mr. Burns: "Oh."

The palque says, "Remember, you're here forever."

[Raz]

I got really really bored and did loads


"with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."

"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!"

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

"Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."

"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

"Ignore the boy, Lord."

"America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

"What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"

"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming."

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman."

"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything,
Kent. 14% of people know that."

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight."

"Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."

"OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"No! No no no no no no! Well, yes."

"They have the Internet on computers, now?"

"When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I just know they're about to jab me with something."

"If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"

"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day."

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!"

"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"

"Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die."

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

"Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."

"Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television."

"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

"Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."

"Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!"

"You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge: they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!"

"I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?"

"Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Pork? Ham? Lisa - dad they all come from the same animal, Homer - Yeah Lisa, a great magical animal..."

''To Start Press Any Key''. Where's the ANY key?

"Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."

"Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."

"Cool, I broke his brain!"

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

"It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have."

"Bart, stop pestering Satan!"

"Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican."

"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

[QHOBBES]

"Statistics can prove anything, 10% of all people know that"

[ryan]

"Boy, he dont take no guff"

- Nelson

[iomegajaz]

"Sweet merciful crap!"

[Fickle]

"Wow. Everyone is stupid except me."

[Raz]

Bart - what if you did.....
Sunday School Teacher - Ahhhhhhhhh i dont know, is a little blind faith too much to ask???

[d0rk]

*In a Parody of The Shinning*

"No beer, and no TV makes Homer go something...something..."
*Willy Says:* "Watch out boy its the Shinnin'" "Don't you mean The Shinning?" "SHHHH boy, you want to get sued?"


"Me fail English...thats unpossible!"

"Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"

"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will."
"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."

"Lord help me, I'm just not that bright."

"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!"

Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about."

Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

"You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."


Just a few. I'm sure I'll post more later :D

[Raz]

we were fighting over who loves you more... aww, go ahead... you love him more... no YOU love him more...

[CrazyDude]

"eat my shorts"

it has so many uses in the real world too.

[sgt.rock]

i am so smart i am so smart smrt i am so smart (i pupusly spelled the 3 smart wrong on purpose)
words by homer simpson

[sgt.rock]

hi every body hi doctor nick

[EfaustuS9]

the episode when Bart and lisa are playing for opposing hockey teams.

*after bart wins a match; Homer:"I knew u could do it boy, and here is your pet turtle safe and sound as I promised" Bart:"aawww thanks dad"

*Bart and lisa get into a fight, which marge breaks up by flicking the light on and off saying "stop it stop it stop it, you are not in direct competition with each other repeat you are NOT! in direct compitiion with each other." directly following this Homer barges in and says "good news, abu just called, barts team is playing lisas team, you are in direct compitiion with each other, now I want to see u fighting, fighting for your parents loooove. Then he proceeds to flick the light on and off chanting " fight, fight, fight, fight".

*during the final show down between lisa and bart, in a game deciding penalty shot, homer says to marge. "this is it marge the deciding moment, the winner will be cheered and praised the losser will laughed at and booed untill my throat is soar"

This is one of my favoret episodes

[Raz]

Sunday school teacher looking at rlphs drawing - "Ralph... jesus did not have wheels"

[d0rk]

Homer: "Now here is a family's house that is even worse than ours!"
Kids: "Dad thats our house"
Homer: "Doh!"

[d0rk]

Homer: "Say Daddy, Say Daddy....come on say D a d d y"
Bart: "Hooooooomer"
Homer: "Why you little..." *proceeds to choke bart*

*When Lisa is born*
Homer: "Say Daddy, Say Daddy....come on say D a d d y"
Lisa: "Hoooooooomer"
Homer: "Doh!"

Homer: "I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am."

"Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but ... (munch munch munch) mmm ... sacrelicious."

"Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead"

"Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?
The kids can call you Hoju!"

"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight." *I believe thats from the episode when Bart want's to go see the Itchy and Scratchy Movie*

"I know you can read my thoughts, boy : Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow."

"I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, The Bus That couldn't Slow Down."


A Few more :)

[Raz]

homers thoughts at a wedding where he knows the groom dosent love the bride, concentrated worried look on his face "yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum"

[Raz]

"Oh lisa everythings cruel... chaining him up is cruel, pulling on his tail is cruel, yelling in his ears is cruel, everything is cruel, well EXCUUUSE ME if im cruel!!!"

[D&B]

Damn it, wish I would have found this thread earlier (just started checking general discussion.)

Anyway, good job Raz, you beat me to all the ones I was gonna list and a lot of great ones I had forgotten about.

[Mr. 75MHz]

i likes mr burn's 'excelent'
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/simpsons/images/quotes/burns.gif

[Raz]

homer after marge turns into witch and releases bats on everyone "THEY'RE IN MY HAIR, THEY'RE IN MY HAIR!!!!!" :blah:

homer after entering world after travelling back from the stone age into normal world "i could really use a donut" marge "do... nuts?" homer "AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH *runs into basement to travel back*" *starts raining donuts outside* marge "awww, its raining again" :D

homer "mmmmmmmm... free goo"

homer to small child bart "got your nose" bart "got your wallet *flushes wallet down toilet*"

[Lil Ole_Meh]

<Quote>"EAT MY SHORTS";)

[Raz]

homer "if you screw something up, blame the guy who cant speak english... ahh teebor, how many times have you saved my butt" later on "i have seen many people promoted before me,my friends, coworkers, teebor, but not my own wife!!!" :D

proffesor frink "oh no please dont hurt me with the poking and the jabbing with the paaaaaaaain mr person with the thing" "gleiven"

german plant owner "ve come vrom ze land ov chocolate" homer "mmmmm *big chocolate land fantasy* "MR SIMPSON" 'oh right we were talking about chocolate" "ZAT WAS TEN MINUTES AGO" :blah:

[Raz]

homer "maaaarge, is all this turning you on" "no" "what if i undo my top button... [porno voice]what if ahh talk laake this[/porno voice]" "goodnight homer" "i gave my love a chicken it haaaad no wings..... mmmm... chicken" :blah:

Dr Nick "These drugs will make the operation seem like a beautiful dream... *knocks homer unconcious and injects drugs into himself* ooh hi everybody *picks up pizza cutter off half eaten pizza and sets to work on homers head*" :D

[D&B]

HAHA, I forgot about that teebor one.

[Avalon]

Not sure if it's up (I was laughing too much from the reading), but here's one of mine.

"Tomarrow we learn what 5-2 is"

[d0rk]

Remedial Class Teacher- "Ok class please take out your pieces of circle paper, and felt pens. We will be continuing our work on the letter, A."
Bart- "Ok let me get this straight, we are behind our class and we are going to catch up by going slower than they are?"
Teacher- "Yes"

"I like to burn things"

"Im from Canada they think im slow eh?"

[Raz]

bart "awww, tommorow we were going to find out who the dish ran away with"

herman "this thing can withstand a 500 megaton blast, no more..... no less"

bart "abra ca... turnintoaprinceguy, *little green monster appears and starts throwing up green slime over and over*" "bart thats terrible, ralph got an f, youve sinned against nature" lisas prince "that is simply awful" *bart shoves in green thing and says "get in there, defend my honour", green thing throws up on prince over and over and says "every moment i live,... is agony""

lmao :blah:

[Raz]

mcbain "how can i avenge zeh death ov my father with thiz pea shooter" chief "i dont care mcbain, that canon of yours is against regulations... in this department, we go by the book *holds up police rules*" mcbain "*shoots top of book away and leaves a bigfuckoff hole in the wall as well* bye, book" :blah:

jay sherman "how do you sleep at night?" mcbain "on top ov a big pile ov money, with many beautivul ladies" :D

[psyfive]

From the halloween episode where homer goes into the third dimension:

Homer: "Er...it's like...has anyone seen that film Tron"
Frink: "No"
Dr. Hibbert: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "No"
Rev. Lovejoy: "No"
Patty: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "No"
Frink: "No"
Marge: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "Yes...wait, I mean NO"