New Jokes ^_^
 

What is the best part about screwing twenty-eight year olds?

There are twenty of them


Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips



What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?

They can smell it but they cant eat it



At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.
"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?"
"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."



Anyone else heard any good ones?

Not really, but I love that twenty eight year olds one an the high school teacher one.

lol at the last one especially.

Why do women have sex with their eyes closed?

Because they hate to see a man have a good time.

(Note, Grumpy is not allowed to comment on this :P )

lol all those jokes are really funny :) thanks for unintentionally cheering me up while im sick :)

why does the avon lady walk funny?

because her Lipstick (lips stick)


my mom tells that one all the time.. :igor:

what is the difference between the french and a slice of bread?

You can make soldiers out of the bread

I have a blonde joke....

A blonde walks in to the doctors with the top of her little finger blown off.
"How did you do that?" the doctor asks her, "I tried to commit suicide" the blonde replied "How did that damage your finger?"The doctor asked, so the blonde goes on to explain "Well I held a gun to my breast but remembered I had paid £5000 to have breats implants and I didn't want to damage them seeing as it had cost loads of money. Then I held the gun to my mouth and remembered I had paid over £2000 to have my teeth straightened and I didn't want to ruin them either seing as they were in tact sooo well. Then I held the gun to my ear and realised it would be really loud, so I thought I'd block some of the sound out by putting my little finger in the way".

:D
three men walk into a bartender.
waitaminnit!

heh, quite good.

I still think this is the best joke thread i've ever seen. Probably because i hand picked the jokes, but yeah.

In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2.

The nurse asks him," Charlie! What are you doing?"

Charlie replied" Can't talk right now I 'm driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stopped driving his imaginary car and she asks "Well Charlie, how you doing?"

Charlie says "I'm exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest."

"That's great," replied the nurse," I'm glad you had a safe trip."

The nurse leaves Charlie's room, and then goes across the hall into another patients' room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Very surprised, she shouts "Ed what are you doing !?"

To which Ed replies, "Shhh, I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago."

This blonde's car gets some severe hail damage, so she takes it to a mechanic. The mechanic, realizing her error, assumes she's not too bright and deciding to have some fun, says, "Just take it home, let it cool, then blow real hard into the tailpipe to pop out the dents."

She does as she's told. While she's blowing into the tailpipe, her blonde roommate walks up and says, "Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm blowin' in the tailpipe to pop out the dents, like the mechanic told me to do."

"Silly girl... don't you know ya gotta roll up the windows first?"

LOL very good for lightening a mood.