Relationship: Starting Afresh
 

Nope, not another emo thread, just a thread to satisfy my own personal curiosity more than anythign else, and possibly even answer a few questions of my own in the process.

I know that there are a good few members out there who are old enough and mature enough to have gone through the 'long term relationship' - the one girl (or guy) that was different to everyone else, who wasn't just a fling, and who was somebody that you could seriously see a long-term future with. Some people were lucky enough for this to come true, and conversely, for others, things came apart. Some of you have even been married when this has happened, others have lost partners due to illness.

So my question is, how did you personally get over the loss of that person in your life? Having the reset button pressed on you and all the plans that you had for the future. How did you fill the void in your life afterwards? How did you get beyond the point of thinking 'I will never meet anyone like that again'?

To answer the rather obvious question, this has happened in my life recently, and although I'm not going to hurl myself in front of a bus aor anything, the day to day process is not fun. And I'm finding myself in a viscious cycle of thought that seems to feed itself, from which it is hard to escape. So why not ask the internets, methought?

Alcohol.

It's a damn good thing that I don't seem to get addicted to alcohol.

Doesn't really help though, you just have to give it time, I suppose.

15 and I still haven't moved on.
I see her everywhere, think about her everyday and can settle for nothing less.

Sad but true.

Time is the main one. Also, don't expect to wake up one morning and be over it.
That person was a part of your life for a long time, you're not going to just be ok and happy now they're not in it. It's ok to be upset and grumpy and think too much, that's part of the healing process. If you weren't meant to have these emotions then they wouldn't be there.
You can't do a 3000 piece jigsaw in one sitting, don't try and neatly sort out a longterm relationship break-up in the same way. Edges first, then one day all the sky bits will fit in.

edit/ And I still get miserable on occasion about someone who I broke up with 10 years ago. 99% over it 1% what-if. :D

How to get over it? You don't.
You can learn to look at the situtation differently over time, but to "get over it" wouldn't be fair either, not for yourself in the first place. She's been a big part of your life and that is something you can't simply deny.

A good thing might be to reflect who you are/want to be now. Not to forget the past - it's still a part of who you are today - but to have a clean view of today and, if you're ready, to carefully look at tomorrow too.

And this can't go in 1 day.. just as Lu just told

I don't know about realtionships like girls and all(i HATE girls) cause i stay away from them(also a bit of cowardice)... but since my grandmother died(an year ago), i am unable to regain myself till now.

Spoken like a true internet geek :D


Anyhow, Ethan, there is no easy way, you will always have 'what if's' , but time does heal and you'll eventually get over it and move on, I've been in the same position maybe 3 times in total over the years and it never get's easier, one night stands and casual girlfriends are much easier to break up and forget about than someone who actually means something

In the short term, it's best to keep busy and stuff, so make sure you have plenty to keep your mind busy, work is good for that, for everything else you always have alcohol or other narcotics to fall back on, and when that becomes too boring, keep your penis busy, that's always a good way to to help you forget and who knows you might even find something even better than what you lost in the first place.

Exactly Jones. In an empty and lone mind, dark thoughts from the past keep resonating. It actually magnifies your pains. If you are really lost someone, playing a music instrument helps(try mp3 acuostica)...

Basically echoing the same sentiment. 4 years ago, a 12 year relationship/9 year marriage fell apart. Kinda sudden too, so for the first few weeks I think I was in shock.

Time helps, but I think there are times when you also have to literally force yourself to move forward. If you don't, it's easy to get stuck and I know people who have been stuck for a lot longer than they should have been. It is hard to escape. Hell, for a while, it can be hard to even eat. I agree with everyone here - keep moving, keep busy, and new interests (both romantic and otherwise) will eventually occupy more and more of your thoughts and time.

ethan, i'm only 19 and i've had it happen to me. I went out with the same girl from eighth grade until after i graduated high school and one day she just ended it out of nowhere.

What did I do? I got depressed, extremely depressed. I sat at home watching movies and eating for about a month. The only thing that finally made me feel better was a trip to colorado.

After that trip, things slowly got better and I am pretty much okay now. However, I still think of her sometimes and what could have been between us; even though I am happily seeing someone else at the moment.

The most important part to remember is that if she really is that special to you, don't expect to ever be fully over her. You probably will never completely be 'over' such a meaningful relationship. The only thing you can expect is to feel better to the point where you can continue living normally and eventually, to the point where you can love again.

I have never had a girlfriend, WIN

For a whole month straight I laid in bed and cried whenever I could. Eventually I started going back to a state of normality where I could function without her constantly on my mind. I wasn't completly over her until she fucked me over the 2nd time and realized she isn't worth shit.

I know Pixie and I weren't together for a very long time, and it's been about eight months since she moved back home, but I still feel terrible about everything that happened. There hasn't been a day gone by that I don't think about her and wish I could go back in time and keep myself from messing everything up. Sometimes I still feel like crying. At least she's happy being by herself now, so I guess that's what matters most.

And even though we were together for such a short time, I'll never be able to "get over it." I'd give anything for another chance to be with her, but I love her too much to risk screwing things up again. The last thing I want to do is keep her from being happy.

Like was said above, if she really means that much to you, you'll never actually "get over it." The pain will subside and fade a bit over time, but it will always be there. You just have to try your best to keep going with your everyday life.

Mrs B and me split up a few weeks ago, and I am still not over her, nor do i think I ever will be.

My main moving on "techniques" are getting to know a few people (those who know me online will know of my lack of real life friends to hang with), spending more time on the internet, and cutting myself. I am not proud of what I have done or who I am, but there you go.

Training....lots of it. Use up enough moisture from your body till you have none to shed for tears.

antidepressants and excercise.

Ahhhhh Ethan, You have always been special to me and I am so sorry you are going through this pain. I wish I could take it away from you.

Right now you feel like the whole world is collapsing on you but it will take time. Time heals all wounds. While we may never understand why a really good relationship fails, time and human nature help us move on.

I recently lost someone close to me because of a decision I made. I am not regreting the decision, but am morning the loss of the relationship.

Cling to your friends and family right now. Force yourself to keep busy and keep your mind off of things. Talk about your feelings and pain to those that are close to you.

Last year at this time I went through the worse part of my life and without my friends I dont know how I would have done it.

Big Hugs,
~ Missy

I had gotten horribly depressed after a particulary nasty split. The only thing that kept me sane enough to get through each day was the rugrat. Finding something to focus on (in your case, your climbing/hiking), helps to clear your mind out.

It's even worse when it's a "blind-sided" split, you spend a lot of time with the "whys, what?" :(

*give ethan a big hug* :)

Alcohol helps with day to day functioning... Either with friends at the pub, or with a bottle of whiskey at home in the evenings... I've also got a day job teaching (adults), so lots of contact with lots of different people, keeps the mind active during the daytimes in the week, and fixing up old cars, and travelling/hikeing at weekends.

Speaking of alcohol, it's 7pm on Friday night, so time to hit the town (o;

Be careful with the alcohol and drugs. While they can "numb and mask" the pain for awhile they can also lead to you becoming addicted.

Hugs to you Ethan,
~ Missy

yea it always stays with you, even years later. You just have to find things to keep yourself busy during those times when it is hardest. I find downtime or boredom can sometimes cause your mind to misdirect thoughts to past failures and regrets, but you have to use will power to control it and tell yourself it's ok and you have learned from it and that one day you will be able to find it again with another.

And contrary to what some may believe, eventually one day you will wake up and it will not be the first, second or third thing you think of, it will soon be more in passing. Don't expect that to come quickly though, everyone moves at their own pace.

Your hand is the only sufficient sex partner you'll ever have anyway.
It knows what you like and usually doesn't try sneaky shit like jamming a finger in your ass during sex.

Chevvvvvvvvvvvv,

We are trying to be serious here.

Hugs,

:(
I was being serious in my first post but no one felt my pain.

I feel your pain honey :) What happend to the Ms. Blow Up that you were dating?

LMAO!

I hope I never see my ex running down the street on fire and not have any piss or a shovel to put her out.

But I'm completely over it now :)

I made the mistake of having a girlfriend that was completely and utterly incredible, plus the most beautiful person I have ever met, when I was 18. After a year, we broke up, for sensible reasons. Now, after three years, I haven't found anyone who is anywhere near as amazing as she is, they all lose to her. I don't think about her every day, but every so often I think back to the way it was and how at that moment my life was perfect. I've sort of tried to move on, but a part of me doesn't want to forget her at all.

She has no heart, the cold bitch:(