heres a joke for ya...
 

an old guy goes to a mercedes dealer and buys a brand new SLK convertible. he gets out on the road and floors it. the needle on the speedo quickly climbs to 110+. all of a sudden, he sees a state trooper behind him. he thinks 'screw this' and floors it and gets up around 150mph. but the he thinks 'aww damn i'm too old for this' and pulls over. the trooper catches up, gets out of his car, and comes over to the man. the trooper says 'tell me a line i havent heard before and i'll let you go'. the guy thinks for a second and says...

'My wife ran off with a state trooper last week and i thought you were bringing her back'

the trooper tipped his hat and said 'you have a nice day, sir' and walked back to his car

:p

duh:) :D :cool: :eek: :o :igor: :weird: :blah: :hang: :confused: :rolleyes: ;) :(

What a coincidence... I just read that joke on a web-page earlier today.

hardly a new line.. but still funny...
the x-files guy at work told that one about um.. 7 months ago

hehe :D i hadn't heard it :)

That was a good joke John M. :)

Here's one i heard today that made me chuckle:

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Three old sisters--92, 94, and 96 years old, respectively all lived together.

One day the oldest drew a bath. She put one foot in the water, paused, and then called downstairs to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?"

The middle sister started up the stairs to help, then paused and called back downstairs, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The youngest sister, who was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, said, "I guess I'll have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!" and knocked on wood for good luck.

She got up then, paused, and called, "I'll come up as soon as I see who's at the door!
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wow, those are both v. funny.

my current favourite joke is the following: (edited for sweary-words)

ah, amused me when i heard that one in the pub

some dude walks into a bar and orders up 6 shots of jagermiester. the bartender askes him whats wrong. he says 'i just found out that my younger brother is gay' the next day, he comes in and orders another 6 shots of ja. the bartender again asks him whats wrong. he says 'i just found out that my older brother is gay'. the guys walks in the next and the bartender says 'shit! does anyone in your family like women?' and the man replies 'yeah, my girlfriend'

two guys walk into a bar
one had to get stitches


a priest, a monk and a rabbi walking into a bar
the bartender says "what is this, a joke?"

so this dude is walking through a park one night. he sees this nun leaning up against up a lamppost. he sees that she looks ill and walk over to her and tells her to sit down. however, the only pace they can see to sit down at is a bar. so they reluctanly enter and sit down. the guy says 'sister, your looking pretty sick. i should buy you a drink' the nun oblidges and tells him to have the bartender put it in teacup so no one could tell. the guy walks up to the bar and orders a very dry martini in a teacup. the bartender replies 'is that damn nun here again?'

Here's one:

County coroner comes into work one morning. The night shift guy says, "Come downstairs. I gotta show you something." They go down to cold storage and the night guy opens one of the drawers. There is a corpse of a man, lying face down, with a cork in his a$$.

"So?" says the coroner.

"Listen," says the night guy, and he pulls out the cork. Quite clearly they hear a voice singing, "Don't you break my heart, my achey breaky..." and he pops the cork back in.

Well?" asks the night guy.

"That's nothing," says the coroner. "Any a$$hole can sing country."

:D

I won't tell you my ashtray joke, but here is on you may enjoy:

Q: How do you get a leper out of bed?

A: With a rake