I was suicidal
 

Ive been down for quite some time now. For the last few years I have been stugling to cope with everything.
Ive been taking shit and these last few months have just been alot worse for me.
First of all anyone I talk to mocks me when I tell them I have a problem. I knew I had a problem I while ago and wanted to go to someone for advice.

Today I was playing football and for no reason at all, my brother got in a fight with someone. It didnt bother me at all but everyone went inside and I stayed outside playing football. I kicked the ball around for around 3 hours running around and exhausting myself. When I stopped I felt depressive as I usually get. I usually just put on a brave face and cope with everything. I stopped kicking the ball around and sat down. I sat down in ym aunties back yard. There is a 50ft drop at least betwenn her garden where I was sitting and a main road. I sat down and thought about everything.
I thought to myself, what is the point in carying on? Im getting nowhere in school, I have only a couple good friends which I can't really open up to, im going to get a dead end job and be miserable. Every day is just another dreaded and wasted day for me. I was really tempted to jump and I was so close to doing so. Whether it was a good or bad idea, I don't know. At least now I am being honest to myself and not putting my problem to one corner. Things were bad and I'm still in a fucked up mood. I was so tempted to jump and end everthing. An hour later and me being home now, I am still feeling like there is no point in carrying on. I will not be on net tommorow as I am taking a long walk to think things through.
The worst part though, having nobody to turn to for advice.

Please come onto AIM.

Re: I was suicidal
 

Not true my young friend.
You have us.

Shit man. I was somewhat the same, but not for nearly as long as you were. Please for the love of all that is good talk to Bilbo on AIM.

Andy,


I know you think there are a lot of people that dislike you. I am not one of those, I've always tried to be helpful and I will continue doing that. I'll be in #******* if you need someone to talk to.

I was a lot like you some time ago. I felt there was no point in going on, because my suffering would only increase. I was wrong. There are a lot of good thing in life which you need to cherish. They may not happen tomorrow or maybe not even next year. But they will come. Life can be a blessing, please don't throw it all away.

Its so hard to say anything in these situations.

I've been there myself. I've sat up all night wondering how long it would take to die after I cut my wrists; wondering just how much valium was too much. I know how pointless everything seems right now, and how much pain there is when you think about the future.

You have two choices. You can do it, and in doing so let every person who's ever hurt you win. Or, you can go on, and prove that you're stronger and better than they are. The one's that hurt you will get theirs, all in good time.

Stay with us.

Oh come on! You have so much to learn in life! You were put on this earth for a purpose, remember that. As patroclus22 said, stay with us...we are here for you.

Don't jump :D

No, but seriously life does have alot to offer, and suprises evenutally will happen that'll turn everything around - maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.

What I'm trying to say is that life has it's good and bad patches, just don't give up.

dude, don't do anything drastic
talk to bilbo on aim
you know that all of us at the forums are here for you at any time


remember: if things look bleak they can't help but get better. don't you want to be there when they do?

Hey SANDERS!!!!!!!! I was so hoping that you wre just joking around when I came across your post but I can see that your quite serious. I'm just glad you thought to come post :)

Anyways I've been there and I'm personally just slowly coming out of depression myself and I'm still in recovery from the personal rehabilitation I put myself into. I fell into a deep deep depression when I started to get my self help for my addiction problems last september. I've been recovering and basically starting to find myself and come out of my shell for the first time in a while, I basically became a hermit and started to work on myself and change everything I didn't like. I went from the inside out dealt with my personal issues I read and worked out religiously. I then moved on to my computer, it's upgraded now too, kind of like me. It took me a year but looking back it was worth it and I can't believe I used to think the way I did. I have this forum to thank for listening to me and helping to bring me out of my shell, these guys helped bring me to realize that..Hey life sucks sometimes but we all need a little help and we're here because we all care, well most of us . ;) I used to try too damn hard not too make mistakes but why stress mistakes are what makes us human.

Anyways I'm not the smartest guy but I'd like to think I can understand a little about how your feeling. When I was struggling on my worst days I'd have trouble finding a reason to get up in the morning. I started by making a nice bowl of cereal and loaded my computer to browse the forums. I'm now feeling great and I still get up to a bowl of cereal and the forums but the thing is know it's not the highlight of my day but merely a great start to my day, now if I could only get my old profile back :) hell...Andrew you are more important than a stupid profile and I'll tell you what. If you promise me that you'll log in EVERYDAY to this forum and just lurk for a bit to keep in touch I'll keep this username, unless you want me to have the old one back. ;) I'm basically just trying to let you know that I care what your thinking and I feel your pain. I wish I was in England to just shoot the shit with ya. I am here though and there are people there and here. You just have to be careful to seek the right ones out and I know things are tough with judgment when your dealing with depression, being Manic Depressive I know, and I know how serious suicide is too. Anyways Sanders I'm serious when I say this if I have to come to England to smack some sense into you I will. TRUST ME I went to Niagra Falls with a girl that I met the night before for a week long stay! If you wanna talk PM me if you want to say something just to see the words come out of your head I'm here too. I can assume that if your reading this then that's about uuuh 5 minutes more that your with us, Now go and download some Buffy porn and use logic it works especially with algebra.

[edit]if I had died from my first drug overdose would I be here to talk about it or help someone else?[edit]

[URL=http://www.mrhurban@hotmail.com[/URL]

Hunter

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies,
That you've been living in,
And
If you do not want to see me again,
I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy,
A bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight,
You're way too loud,
You're The flash of light,
On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason,
To say,
Put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies,
That you've been living in,
And
If you do not want to see me again,
I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table,
And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left,
You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this,
And I,
I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today,
We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies,
That you've been living in,
And
If you do not want to see me again,
I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...

Andrew,
Although I live thousand of miles away,but I am glad to have a friend like you. and a Buffy fan too....
Anyway, just like papadoc said "You have us here at Winamp.com".

ive had people in my famaily who've deid. im quite used to it mostly now, but even still the rest of em still remorse over the death of loved ones. so basically what im saying is. just think about thsoe whom are in your famaily because if you did jump, what'd you think they'd feel?

pretty shitty id say so myself.

I know the feeling, I had some trouble this year too. I really don't want to talk about in public (it's not anything sexual, so get your mind out of the gutter), but I made it through, so if you want to talk, PM me.

My apologies if this offends, but my stance on this, and related issues is the following:

We are a forum whose main reason for being is to provide technical support for people who are not familiar with the operation of Winamp and its associated plugins, and although we have many forums, we are not and do not employ psychiatrists, now whilst that may seem obvious, we seem to be getting numerous threads about depression.

An Ex member of another forum that I frequent has recently been hospitalised as a result of this illness, and has thus proved beyond doubt that these forums are not the place for this type of discussion.

For those of you suffering with this illness/affliction I cannot recommend too strongly that you seek professional help, since the incorrect advice whilst given in good faith can have the completely wrong result, and that is too dangerous for us to accept.

This is not a way of saying you cannot talk merely the recognition that those suffering NEED professional assistance, and this is NOT available here, we can not take the chance that something may happen as a result of discussions on these forums.

Im always on too Andrew, you could have talked to me...anyways i think talking to Bilbo will do you some good(im surprised i actually said that:D ) but seriously, talk with someone