[swingdjted]

Give me a fucking break.

It's a flashlight clip.

or

It's a ridiculous looking vest.

or

It's a camouflaged cell phone condom ffs.

or

It's a black t-shirt with a short-sleeve pocket for cancer sticks.

or

It's an offroad bumper.

or

It's a wallet with a black chain that goes to the belt.

or

It's a pair of sneakers.

or

It's a pair of earmuffs.

or

It's a car antenna.

or

It's a seat cover.

or

It's a wristwatch.

or

It's a fucking pen you cowardly, insignificant, pansy-ass piece of antshit.

What it is not is "tactical".


Nobody is scared of your black and metallic Halloween costume worn out of season. You're not badass. You're not in the military. You're anything but hardcore. You aren't scaling the wall of an office building hoping to pull off a heist. When people back away from you, it's not because you're intimidating; it's because you're pathetic to the point where they need to get somewhere far from you quickly so that they don't impolitely burst out laughing in front of your douchebag-esque, poor attempt at a mean-looking face. A lack of substantial testicles can't be compensated for with a bunch of "tacticals". It just doesn't work that way. At best, you're a fucking rent-a-cop, but more likely nothing more than some little shit that is so embarrassed that you wait to put all that garbage on until after you've driven a couple blocks away from your mom's basement (or as you call it "H.Q.") in your rusted, 4-cylinder, black, rattle-can-painted econobox, SUV, or small pickup.

What's worse is that the word "tactical" sells. It's found all over product descriptions. It's like the word "rugged" a few years back, but annoyingly one-up'd.

Next time I see one of you self-proclaimed tough guys, I'll send some little girl to sneak up behind you and shout "BOO!" just to see you get startled like the true coward you are.