[Sabine Klare]

I had always hoped, my mother would never get an age dementia. I myself don't want to die with an age dementia or a terrible disease, if I myself am also very old some day. That must be very terrible for the old persons, but also for their children. My father didn't have an age dementia, but he had parkinson for a very long time (23 years). In his last weeks he wasn't able to speak anymore, and he had bedsores, before he died at home (with 74 years, a half year before his 75th birthday). There are many other terrible diseases in this world, and also younger people can get a terrible disease and die, not only old people...
I have many questions about my childhood. Last May I had asked my mother many times, when she was in the hospital the first time, because she had broken her shoulder at home. And she had known the most details of my childhood. Now it has become more difficult. I can still ask, for now, but I should ask in these days, because maybe I will not get an answer anymore very soon...
My own childhood... My life was in danger until before my 2nd birthday. A doctor had discovered an embryonal mistake in my body, and an OP had saved my life. The hospital was a trauma for me, I got many therapies in my childhood, and with 4 and a half years I had spoken my first word. After my 7th birthday I came to the first school with a special pedagogy. The school was very good. A teacher had managed our class from the 4th class until the 6th class. He had a very good quality. After the 5th class my mother had forced me to change the school, although I wanted to stay at the same school until after finishing the 6th class. The 6th class in the other school was also very good, although the teacher was very strict, she had punished a child with an extra homework also, if the child didn't pay attention in the lesson, she yelled at each of us very often. But the other children in the 6th class were very social and without prejudices. Then I came to the high school. There were 2 7th classes, and the director had put me into the worse class, although I wanted to be put into the better class. And "The Hell on Earth" began for me for the next 6 and a half years... Oh yes, my childhood was much better than my youth...
My parents didn't abuse me. The teenagers had abused me for 6 and a half years. I learned to know also a few adults, who had been abused by one of their parents or both. My parents were not so strict like some other parents of some other children, maybe my father a little bit more than my mother, but not so much. As a teacher in another high school he was in stress very much, and then he wanted his silence (a little child cannot always understand that, of course). It was very hard for me to experience the psychotic phases of my mother, mostly she had to be brought into a hospital (she had been forced). For a child it is very terrible, if a trusting person is suddenly a whole other person. Also her aunt, her sister and her niece were in a hospital many times (I don't know, what had happened to the 2 children of her nephew, after they have become adults). A psychotic phase must be terrible also for the person himself/herself (I know many such people). Fortunately I had never a psychotic phase. I had only a nervous breakdown in Summer 2002 (which was also very terrible)...
I am trying to do the best. What else should I do?...