"Coffee. You're in Germany. Strudel. I love Strudel."... But the "Apfelstrudel" are with raisins. Okay, Frank likes raisins, and he would eat that. I myself hate raisins, olives, mustard, horseradish, caraway, goat cheese etc. If I buy buns, then I say: "Please pack the caraway rod always into another bag.".
I feel, I have aged very much in the last 3 years, and I can do less now than 3 years ago. I should also return to the hairdresser. From year to year we have less and less money. And now we should pay, although we cannot.
Summer 2002 I was asked about my life in an individual conversation. After I had talked about my life a little bit, I was told, that I had always fears since my whole life, and then I began to cry. It is normal, that tears run in such individual conversations.
I feel, as if I would have already been drawn into the burn-out. I am not able anymore to create something since a very long time. Always bad things had happened, since so many years, also because the diseases of my parents began so early. If I compare Frank and me with other people, then I know, we have no luck in life, or with other words: we have the luck not leased (wir haben das Glück nicht gepachtet). Someone else said: "You are right, luck looks very differently.", after I told him, what had happened in my mother's old apartment. I had planned the "house emergency call", because I wanted to keep my mother at home, but then the fire came, and she lost her leased apartment. Nobody can name this tragedy "luck".
I have to hope now, that we ourselves will not also lose our small leased apartment at the very loud street some day...