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Old 1st November 2017, 16:09   #24
Sabine Klare
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Location: Berlin, Germany
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Thank You, timjn, and also for You all the best.

I wanted to return to my thread anyway. And I didn't talk yet about the nursing at home by the own family members which can last for many years...

It also has happened, that those old and ill people suddenly have been put under judicial care and pulled out of the old home, put into a nursing home, although they have been nursed by their partners, sons or daughters in the common old home well and they have lived in good harmony. Unfortunately nasty third people (for example nasty neighbors) simply can contact a court and make a petition, that a person should be put under judicial care, if they want to get the "unattractive people" out of the house or far away from the environment.

When the Seventies ended and the Eighties began, the Parkinson of my father began. In the beginning state his speaking and walking became worse, and in Summer 1987 the authorities had sent my father into retirement. Then all his former "friends" simply had excluded him from their birthday-parties in their houses and gardens and didn't invite him anymore. 2 nasty people in my parent's environment had crossed his way and had made their spiteful remarks very loudly: "And such a man was a teacher!" ("Und sowas war mal Lehrer!"). Such people with many prejudices forget, that also they themselves can end up in such a situation, suddenly and unexpectedly, and a stroke or accident can happen everytime. But not only my parents, also I myself as their daughter had to feel more and more the hate by the other people in my parent's environment.

In Spring 1991 suddenly the neighbors in the multi-family-house had started their long war against my parents, and they had success after 21 and a half years. They wanted to get my both parents into the nursing home already in the Nineties, although it was not necessary in that time, and also I myself should have "disappeared". And although the neighbors didn't have been invited, they had appeared on my father's burial because they had already their next nasty plans. But another woman in my parent's environment was much more nasty when she had crossed my way. She had said to me: "That's very good, that Your father has died now, finally You are an adult!". I was already an adult while my father was alive yet, after I had become 18 in Summer 1984, and I never want to forgive this nasty woman. That's really incredible, and I never want to return into my parent's environment anymore.

The Parkinson has the different states and mostly it will last for 20 or 30 years. In the beginning state the person will be able yet to walk independently, after some years a wheelchair will become necessary, later also more and more other different help by the family members. Some stays in the hospital will become necessary because the medication has to be changed from time to time. In the last years mostly the person will have to be feeded, and in the final state the failure of the whole body will happen, and the person will die. Not all people with Parkinson have the luck, that they can die at home, some of them will be put into a nursing home before they die. I know the story with my father very well, too well, and already in the Eighties I had to worry very often when I myself was very young yet. Many other people with the same age had a free and easy time. They had a good start in their life as adults, and their life was more lucky.

A person can get disabilities also for other reasons than Parkinson, and some people can get them already as children. Also younger people can get a long illness, not only older people. Sometimes the disabilities appear also after an accident etc. The nursing can become necessary, and the nursing in the own home by the family members will last for many years. The person will need more and more help, more and more has to be done, sometimes all the stress will be over the limits of the family members, so that also a nervous breakdown can happen. Soon the most family members have to cancel all dates and common tours with their friends for a very long time, and not all friends have the understanding and insight for that. Sometimes suddenly a doctor suggests, that it would be better to give the partner, father or mother into a nursing home. But of course the family members don't want that.

And if they have lived together in a leased apartment, then after the death the remained family members are forced to move into a smaller apartment very often, because as single tenants they don't have enough incomes anymore to pay the leases. In the past at least the remained people with middle incomes had the possibilities yet to stay in the old leased apartment after they had widowed, now also these people mosty have to move out. In my parent's environment the people with middle and lower incomes had gone, one after one, and the people with higher incomes had come instead. From 1965 to 2012 the leasing-price for my parent's home had increased from 200 DM to 1600 Euro, 16 times the old price.

The remained family members had lived together with their partners, fathers or mothers in the same house or apartment for so many years, and mostly they themselves had nursed the old and ill people for a very long time, because the nurses from the nursing-service have their limited operations, if they come every day. And then the old and ill person is not "here" anymore. There is a gap which never can be closed anymore...

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