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Old 2nd April 2018, 23:59   #241
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Fumbling_Foo's Avatar
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Mississippi, USA
Posts: 282
Originally Posted by Virtual Self View Post
Well, when will we see your non-preset projects? We hope to see them soon...
I don't think personal updates really belong here in this board as I don't expect much interest for such in the preset board. I guess I could post the progress I'm making in my personal endeavors elsewhere in the community discussion board(s), but I don't frequent those parts. Still, though, I do feel somewhat eager to share a little bit here .

My current and long-term focus now is more on recovery from schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder, as well as social anxiety. Conventional wisdom teaches a life lived in dependence on major-tranquilizers and an ever-present sense of chance for whether these conditions (especially schizophrenia) will improve or even get worse. There's nothing an individual can do except avoid drugs and alcohol to stay stable with schizophrenia, says the old way of thinking. The illness is from a biological chemical imbalance or even structural abnormalities in the brain, much like were one to lose function of one's ability to use his/her right hand because it got severed in an accident. On a spirit vs science note, this is materialism at its finest.

I've dabbled in alternative thinking since my first psychosis, but I've had limited success and several hospitalizations trying to out-think my illness. It wasn't until very, very recently when I started to get a new perception, a sense of depth to the world, others, and myself, and especially a sense of cause and effect especially within myself that my mental health has finally seemed to improve. Finally, I started to experience a sense of control and mastery over my mind and a sense of responsibility and agency over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior (and "symptoms" of mental illness). This is new, so it will be a while before I can be certain.

I owe my superb therapist much thanks for teaching me what I know and how to use it for my benefit. He is a Choice Theory (by William Glasser) therapist, and I am currently studying and applying the theory to my life (I'm still working on my first reading of the book). The author speaks at length about overcoming the more common problems of depression, anxiety, and relationship issues, but he goes a step further and speaks of serious mental illness working fundamentally the same as other labelled disorders, but with a more painful and incapacitating manifestation. Theoretically, schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder can be recovered from just as depression and anxiety can - medication free. Theoretically, its possible to become weller-than-well.

I've recovered from deep, long-lasting depression, now being keenly aware of when I am "depressing" (verb to depress instead of adjective to be depressed), and I have no reason to ever return to chronic depressing. So, that's an entire side of bi-polar disorder managed; next is mania. I love having the energy of a 5-year-old at 28, but regressing to a toddler at my age is pathological. If such energy can be harnessed without turning into a psychosis and literally overloading and short-circuiting my brain, it would be a tremendous gift as it is to some high-functioning bi-polar people.

But, while prioritizing one aspect of my dysfunction at a time, the others may not politely wait. There's the schizophrenia side of my illness too. Although my psychoses were for periods, the true dysfunction I have with schizophrenia is like a "frozen psychosis" as described in another book I'll get back to. There is more for me to learn before I go in detail here, though. Thanks for your interest, Virtual Self .

Like my avatar? Check out my Synaescope preset project later on in the Star Forge topic . Nearly endless mandalesque patterns going to the energy of the music .
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