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Old 13th June 2007, 08:34   #1
skryingbreath
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,065
How to spread apathy with 20 dollars.

Nothing says, "I don't care," as effectively as a gift card. When you hand someone a gift card you're essentially telling them that you didn't want to spend your precious, finite energy and time to pick out a meaningful, personalized gift for them. Fuck 'em, you were in Wal-Mart buying an industrial size bag of Frito Lays as you tiredly collapsed over the birthday of a loved one/anniversary/whatever. I mean, who could blame you? You've got more important shit to do, like catch the latest episode of Are You Smarter Than a Third Grader? as well as Lary the Cableguy's new special. We wouldn't want to tax you the 2 minutes it takes to walk down an aisle and pick out something you'd think a person would enjoy, they should go get it themselves on their own god damn time.

As the giftee's eyes light up at the mere notion of a present - especially for them, picked out with great precision, taking into consideration their likes, dislikes and admirations - existing they immediately turn a desperate shade of black the moment you pull that gift card out of the bag which includes enough candy to choke the shit out of Mr. Wonka. "To me, you're worth 20 bucks at Wal-Mart or any sister stores, void where prohibited - expires May 2010."

It's like being kicked in the teeth while you watch another guy fuck your girlfriend.
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