More Humour for Thursday

[. - .... .- -. ....]

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourist Website and the answers came from an Aussie Customer Service rep.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Actually, we import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey
Bay? (UK)
A: What exactly did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, Which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled And make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gumtrees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them,although you personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to pay her by the hour, just like last time.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[ryan]

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I almost fell out of my chair laughing at those two.


http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/WO0009/S00207.htm

Would that be the site?

[J_Bloggs]

FUNNY



Why do people insist on going to a country, only to to do everything the way they do at home, shopping only at shops from where ever they came from e.t.c? Go to a country to EXPERIENCE it. You know, that thing you do when you haven't done something before, and the space between your ears gets a little bit bigger with the extra knowledge.

[eleet-2k2]

Haha! Best ones -> killer bees, hippo racing and the Vienna Boys' Choir.

rofl

[Bilbo Baggins]

Its actually true though. Why do you think we used it as a prison?

[Vie]

I have relatives over there, seems all Aussies have there humour...

[eleet-2k2]

Originally posted by Bilbo Baggins
Its actually true though. Why do you think we used it as a prison?

lol, certainly not a penal colony

Vie -> like Knife-y/Spoon-y?

[Vie]

no, sarcastic and Very funny.

[Bilbo Baggins]

They have to laugh, because their national hero wore a metal bin over his head for protection, and was portrayed by Mick Jagger in the film version.