what do you talk about with a parent who left you?

horse-fly · 11th March 2004, 03:57

Intro

um... well let me begin. When i was a little kid, my pop left my family around 13 or so years ago... he stopped calling about 11 years ago... so basically he is a complete stanger to me. I have no idea of who he really is

dilemma

so as i walked into my house from a hard day's work at the junior college, my mom hands me the phone, not telling me who was on the other line... and to my suprise it was my ol' man... i mean, what do i say? he sent me an email basically him telling me of what a jack-ass he was over the past decade... and i really have no idea of what to do...

Starbucks · 11th March 2004, 04:12

Speak to him, ask him why he left. Just ask him what you want to know, as it might provide closure for any hate you may have for him. Good luck to you.

horse-fly · 11th March 2004, 04:17

well i don't hate him, i feel apathetic about the entire thing... the hate has been gone for a long time

Mrs_Mia_Wallace · 11th March 2004, 06:35

Well, as Starbucks says, first you can talk about things you might like to know, the reasons why he left you and what he's doing now...probably he would like to know a little about you as well.

If you find out that you have nothing really to talk about you can still tell him that you don't want to have the contact since it's been so long but you might also find a connection between you where you can build up another relationship...just go with your feeling, good luck!

Mia

Cylob · 11th March 2004, 19:07

One word.....

WHY!

MagnumOne · 11th March 2004, 19:23

You have only One Father, and although he found something else in that time frame of his life that he thought important enough to leave his family for, he is now and always will be your Father.

Remember something, it's hard to tell what's going on in anyones mind at any given time, the man might have thought he was doing everyone, including you a favor by not bringing his state of mind to your platter..

Nothing states Dignity,Composure,Discretion and Honor better than being a BIG enough person to offer forgiveness to those who have asked for it..I think your Dad is in that category...The Heart opens only one way there Horse Fly, from the inside out, you hold the only key

Give the man his dues, be big enough to accept the words and offer him a sit down.It may not have anything there for you, but you never know what it might have offered if your don't take the chance..

The man will have much to talk about, keep an open mind and just start off slowly, questions will be asked, just answer them. The conversation will happen if you allow it to without holding on to animosity..

Give It Up..Yo!

Mag

OH AND PS...I was 16 years old when I met my real mother for the first time, too many details to go on about..

You never know, until you try..

horse-fly · 11th March 2004, 20:07

oh yea.. he is in chile, i am in the USA, so email or the phone are the only viable options

MagnumOne · 11th March 2004, 20:10

Quote:

Originally posted by Horse-Fly
oh yea.. he is in chile, i am in the USA, so email or the phone are the only viable options

Well.....Email it is then..

Answer his Q's Dude, ask a few of your own

DuaneJeffers · 11th March 2004, 22:27

I have never met my dad. I am 19 years old (as of Feburary 13th) and to this day, I would just like to meet him because he has only seen me as a baby. I don't know what I would do. My first inclination would be to kick his ass, but I don't think that is something I would ever do. I have been trying to find out where he is and tell him about myself as I don't want to him to ask for money if I ever become famous. But, I don't know what I should do. I have been looking and that is what matters. However, HorseFly, I wish you luck in your persual of trying to talk to you father. There might be some reasons why he left, but don't forget that he is still your father and he help in creating you.

-Duane

MagnumOne · 11th March 2004, 23:36

Quote:

Originally posted by DuaneJeffers
I have never met my dad. I am 19 years old (as of Feburary 13th) and to this day, I would just like to meet him because he has only seen me as a baby.
-Duane

Good Luck...Whether you hit it off or not..(Hope Ya Do), it's always great to find some kind of personal closure

Merlin · 12th March 2004, 00:15

I was in a similar situation, my real dad upped sticks when I was about 6 and moved back to Italy. I've always been cool with it really, so it was great to meet him a few years ago, rather than awkward. He's a great guy and keeps in phone contact with us.

horse-fly · 12th March 2004, 03:20

merlin, do you have any suggestions on how to make it least awkward as possible?

zootm · 12th March 2004, 04:22

i asked mine where he went

still no reply

mark · 12th March 2004, 18:06

mine went for dinner. I seem to have a pathetically normal life...

not that thats a bad thing.

11th March 2004, 03:57	#1
horse-fly Account Closed Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,360	what do you talk about with a parent who left you? Intro um... well let me begin. When i was a little kid, my pop left my family around 13 or so years ago... he stopped calling about 11 years ago... so basically he is a complete stanger to me. I have no idea of who he really is dilemma so as i walked into my house from a hard day's work at the junior college, my mom hands me the phone, not telling me who was on the other line... and to my suprise it was my ol' man... i mean, what do i say? he sent me an email basically him telling me of what a jack-ass he was over the past decade... and i really have no idea of what to do...

11th March 2004, 19:07	#5
Cylob Forum Music King (Forum King) Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: The Future Posts: 7,175	One word..... WHY! Secret Snacker & Accomplished Pen Thief At:

11th March 2004, 19:23	#6
MagnumOne Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: LMAO!..In Canada Posts: 557	Well beit as it may, and lack of devotion... You have only One Father, and although he found something else in that time frame of his life that he thought important enough to leave his family for, he is now and always will be your Father. Remember something, it's hard to tell what's going on in anyones mind at any given time, the man might have thought he was doing everyone, including you a favor by not bringing his state of mind to your platter.. Nothing states Dignity,Composure,Discretion and Honor better than being a BIG enough person to offer forgiveness to those who have asked for it..I think your Dad is in that category...The Heart opens only one way there Horse Fly, from the inside out, you hold the only key Give the man his dues, be big enough to accept the words and offer him a sit down.It may not have anything there for you, but you never know what it might have offered if your don't take the chance.. The man will have much to talk about, keep an open mind and just start off slowly, questions will be asked, just answer them. The conversation will happen if you allow it to without holding on to animosity.. Give It Up..Yo! Mag OH AND PS...I was 16 years old when I met my real mother for the first time, too many details to go on about.. You never know, until you try..

11th March 2004, 22:27	#9
DuaneJeffers Major Dude Join Date: May 2001 Location: Winter Park, FL Posts: 1,776	I have never met my dad. I am 19 years old (as of Feburary 13th) and to this day, I would just like to meet him because he has only seen me as a baby. I don't know what I would do. My first inclination would be to kick his ass, but I don't think that is something I would ever do. I have been trying to find out where he is and tell him about myself as I don't want to him to ask for money if I ever become famous. But, I don't know what I should do. I have been looking and that is what matters. However, HorseFly, I wish you luck in your persual of trying to talk to you father. There might be some reasons why he left, but don't forget that he is still your father and he help in creating you. -Duane Website Yeah, that's pretty much it. :-\

12th March 2004, 00:15	#11
Merlin ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ (Forum King) Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Manchester Posts: 4,209	I was in a similar situation, my real dad upped sticks when I was about 6 and moved back to Italy. I've always been cool with it really, so it was great to meet him a few years ago, rather than awkward. He's a great guy and keeps in phone contact with us. as he faced the sun, he cast no shadow __________________

11th March 2004, 04:12	#2
Starbucks Forum King Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Forums Posts: 2,685	Speak to him, ask him why he left. Just ask him what you want to know, as it might provide closure for any hate you may have for him. Good luck to you.

11th March 2004, 04:17	#3
horse-fly Account Closed Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,360	well i don't hate him, i feel apathetic about the entire thing... the hate has been gone for a long time

11th March 2004, 06:35	#4
Mrs_Mia_Wallace has a crush on Bilbo (Forum Queen) Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Switzerland Posts: The starting points at a racetrack. Posts: 3,060	Well, as Starbucks says, first you can talk about things you might like to know, the reasons why he left you and what he's doing now...probably he would like to know a little about you as well. If you find out that you have nothing really to talk about you can still tell him that you don't want to have the contact since it's been so long but you might also find a connection between you where you can build up another relationship...just go with your feeling, good luck! Mia

11th March 2004, 20:07	#7
horse-fly Account Closed Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,360	oh yea.. he is in chile, i am in the USA, so email or the phone are the only viable options

12th March 2004, 03:20	#12
horse-fly Account Closed Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,360	merlin, do you have any suggestions on how to make it least awkward as possible?

12th March 2004, 04:22	#13
zootm Forum King Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the nether reaches of bonnie scotland Posts: 13,375	i asked mine where he went still no reply

12th March 2004, 18:06	#14
mark Forum King Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Norn Ir'nd, leek... Posts: 6,287	mine went for dinner. I seem to have a pathetically normal life... not that thats a bad thing.

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