Free Sauce

[d0rk]

A co-worker of mine sent this to me in an e-mail a few days ago after his trip to a local McDonald's...It had us laughing at work for awhile, so I figured I would share.


It was a beautiful day in Fargo... the sun was out, the temperature was perfect, the air was sweet with fall decay... and the best news a fat guy can ever get was displayed on a billboard.

The McRib is back.

I picked up my girlfriend from work and tried to contain my giggles of excitement, weaving through rush-hour traffic to my local McDees. The three cars in front of me seemed to take forever to agonize over the decision to supersize or not. I contained my impatience and focused on the tangy BBQ love that would soon be shoved in my hungry mouth. I ordered my McRib combo (plus one for a dollar!) and then asked for a side salad... a little good to counterbalance the evil I was about to indulge in. I declined any dressing, since I have a bottle of Italian from Olive Garden chilling in my fridge. I
paid the young man at the first window and slowly rolled up to window two for my bag of salty, greasy joy.

The glass swung open and this vision of sassy blackness leaned her entire torso out of the window.

"HAAAAAAAYYYY!!!"

And then she immediately slammed the window. I turned to my girlfriend and asked, "What the hell was that?" She shrugged, nose buried in a book. She'd missed our introduction to a young black woman who would turn out to be the living embodiment of 'the sassy black woman, like you see on TV.' Imagine if Jackee from 227, Bunifa Latifah Halifah Sharifa Jackson from MadTV, and Oprah all contributed their sassiest essences to some mad-scientist for cloning purposes.

I had met the result of that experiment gone horribly right.

The window opened again and she asked, "What kind of sauce you want?" I wasn't prepared for them to offer me any sauces, so I meekly asked, "What?"

"Fo' yo' salad. What kind of sauce you want?"
“Oh. None."
“Why you ain't want no free sauce?”
" I have some at home."
"It's free sauce."
"No, I'm good. Thanks, though."

Clearly, I had exposed and stepped on her last nerve. She rolled her eyes, handed me my bags and between smacks of gum chastised, "You should just use the free sauce and save yo' real sauce."

As I pulled away, struggling to contain my laughter, I heard one final comment that successfully unraveled my already thin 'cool and collected' veneer.

From behind me the window slides closed and I hear her shout to a co-worker, "That fool ain't want no free sauce!"

I was forced to pull over to regain my composure. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I briefly considered quitting my job in order to join the McDonald's Army... just for the chance to work with this woman and mine her for the motherload of comedy that she would invariably provide.

Alas, it wasn't to be. I look terrible in paper hats, so I only have this one incident to relate to you, dear reader. I've gone back several times to this same location in the hopes of having another encounter with her, but have only
met up with generic food slingers. Was she just a dream? Was this caricature a figment of my imagination?

No. She was real and she was awesome. I can only hope that somewhere she is turning the attitude up to 11 on some other fool who doesn't want no free sauce.

[ryan]

Ah man. And I work at McDonalds. I HATE THE MCRIB. But I've worked with my fair share of women like that.

[Too-DAMN-Much]

lol, sent to friends and family, funny shit.