relay mode

[basha]

hey, ive never used relay mode before.. so sorry if this is stupid.. i checked the faqs and documentation, but still abit confused.. here is the question:
if i want to use relay mode, let's say i have DSP connect to a server 1.1.1.1
and i also want to use another server, 1.1.1.2
so do i set the server at 1.1.1.2 to relay mode to the 1.1.1.1, or do i set the 1.1.1.1 to relay to 1.1.1.2?

and after relay, to have my users connect to the server, do i just specify the IP address of one of the machines and if it gets full they will be forwarded to the other one automatically? or do i need to give them both and ask them to try each one?

thanks