Is it easier to know before hand or ???

[missyob]

My best friends bosses husband died yesterday. He was in perfect health, did not complain of anything wrong with his body. He just woke up yesterday morning, said he did not feel well and died within 15 minutes after that.

Everyone is very shocked and upset. The 2 close deaths I have had in my family have been my great-aunts and my great grandmother. In each case they were old and sick and I knew that they would pass away soon.

It still hurt alot and I still miss them. I guess my question is: Is it easier to deal with a death if you know it is coming or if it just happens fast?

~ Missy

[CaboWaboAddict]

I don't think it matters much. My father died suddenly, my mother was in and out of the hospital for 3 months.

Which is worse, the sudden shock or the agonizing over someone suffering?

[NJK]

Originally posted by missyob

I guess my question is: Is it easier to deal with a death if you know it is coming or if it just happens fast?

~ Missy

It's a little bit easier when you know death is around the corner. But it's still a shock when it happens.

last sunday my mother went to the hospital and Lungcancer was detected.
in 1987 my mother had cancer , was treated and overwon it.
in 2001 it came back and last year she was very sick again.

last sunday we all went to the hospital and with the little knowledge the doctors had ( first tests) they told us to prepare for the fact that my mother wouldn't be there anymore before christmas.

She had several tests this week sofar and it now looks like they can start therapy and with a little luck she will live another year, year and a half??

So to answer your question , we always ( since 1987) kept in mind that my mother wouldn't be an old grey lady , but it still came as a shock that next year she won't be around anymore.

[ShyShy]

I don't think there's truly any way of answering this one. Just yesterday, I overheard my grandmother tell my mom that she sometimes wishes the "Good Lord would go ahead and take me." Being 84, and a widow for the past 20 years, she's not afraid of death and more than ready. She's facing that part of her life, with more grace than I've ever seen. Her passing will be a shock no less, because you've taken that person's presence for granted.

But, the shock my cousin and my other grandmother's passing last year is undescrible. You are left feeling loss and a bit of guilt of "if only...".

[bgesley]

Anticipatory grief helps A LOT. So I guess it *can* be easier you know death is soon.

[Smeggle]

Dunno - I left home about 2 weeks before my foster dad died...just couldn't face the enevitable...We watched him go from like 17st 6ft+ to nothing in less than a year..horrible ...

~

[deeder7001]

i wouldn't want to know before hand. i don't think i'd be able to go about my days normally if i knew. if it happens quickly, it ends quickly.

[bgesley]

I work in Hospice and specifically the bereavement part of it and after reading so many ways people grieve the worst one (and possibly most common) is

"Keeping busy"

Theres no time limit that you have to get "over it." Deal with the emotions you're feeling or you'll end up hurting yourself and others more. Grief doesn't just go away either..it just changes temperature.

[rsf]

Too many bad memories are rushing back, so I won't post any insight into this...

[zootm]

Happened to a kid at my school. Felt ill at lunchtime, collapsed dead in gym the next period.

I think the feelings are different, but not really easier or harder to deal with depending on the means of death.

[Starfire]

No matter if you know ahead of time or not,makes no difference.A person will still mourn over a loved one's death.Im sorry to hear that Missob.My condolences.

*Extra hug 4 u Missy*

[whiteflip]

Its easier if its suddenly. Less suffering for everyone.

[Mattress]

I think it's probably a little easier if it's sudden, at least you can console yourself knowing they didn't suffer.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom Spaceplay, I hope the treatment works better than the docs expect, and you can keep her around longer.

[aFfLiCtEd]

I guess my question is: Is it easier to deal with a death if you know it is coming or if it just happens fast?

There's really nothing easy about dealing with death whether it's sudden or terminal.

I'm going to be traveling several miles this weekend to be with and console my sister-in-law, neice, and quadroplegic nephew . . . My brother of 46 years died suddenly of a heart attack know as "the widow maker" two years ago this Sunday, while doing no more than sitting on the couch doing paperwork for his company.

46 years old God Dammit!!! . . . That's too dam young to die!!! . . . He was my big brother!!!

Ok . . . I gotta quit now . . . this ain't gettin any easier.

[S-uper_T-oast]

For me, anyone who dies is hard to deal with. If it is more of a long drawn out process were the person is suffering, it is much easier to come to terms with their death. If is is the short term, the reality that they are dead takes longer to sink in and it hurts a lot more when you realize that they are dead and will never be coming back.

[squakMix]

We're dealing with illness in the family now (my grandfather (69 yrs old) is in intensive care). We had to drive to eastern washington to see him in the Yakima hospital (about 280 miles away). When we went to see him, he was on this pressurized oxygen mask (one step below life support).

That was the day hl2 came out.