Sex Education

[Obedo]

Johnny was 8 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.

Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging herI figured 'Sis must be getting sickbecause her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just > the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the docotr because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

[xzxzzx]

... No punchline?

[apollos]

I like

[Joel]

True... and funny

[mark]

:dinopic:

damn, no smiley for it...

[EazMan]

all i have to say is lol

[Bilbo Baggins]

I gave up trying to read that huge lump of text.

[Myxomatosis]

Cliffnotes, please. Pretty funny

[fwgx]

OMGLIEKTHATSONLYLIEKFIFTEENYRSOLDNOWMAN!

[whiteflip]

needs an ending.

[Obedo]

Then He Turns Gay

THE END

[CraigF]

survey says, not funny.

[Obedo]

who asked you

[mark]

i did.

[Obedo]

LOL

[ctn|chrisw]

welcome to aol. you've got mail.

[Hydroxide76]

this story sounds so familiar...:

http://www.area51newmexico.com/****ed.html

that's just one page. the whole site is pretty damn funny.

[Talbain]

This one is great.

Did you know? On average, 90% Dutch teenagers can speak fluent English whereas only 80% American teenagers can speak fluent English. (Just incase you didnt know, English is not the first langauge of The Netherlands.)

This one's pretty good too:
LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

[Wolfgang]

I'm not terribly surprised myself. But it's biased because languages are constantly evolving. I can barely understand chavs when they walk down the street, and I do think they are inferior specimens because of everything about them, but maybe their brand of English is as sophisticated to them as it is to everyone else.

[xzxzzx]

Originally posted by Talbain
Did you know? On average, 90% Dutch teenagers can speak fluent English whereas only 80% American teenagers can speak fluent English. (Just incase you didnt know, English is not the first langauge of The Netherlands.)

Actually, I'd say it's about 99.9% of American teenagers that can speak fluent English. Can they *write* fluent English? Some of them.