In The Future

SSJ4 Gogitta · 9th April 2005, 03:07

The human life spam will be extended to 200 years, but the last 150 will be spent in unremitting pain and sadness.
No one will take drugs, but people will still buy them and conceal them from the police.
Children will be required to attend school only when something comes up in conversation that they do not understand.
All people will speak the same language, but no one will speak it well.
Science will develop exotic flowers capable of producing music. Most of these plants will be exploited by record companies.
All farming will cease and the land will be used for loitering.
Although people will not keep pets of any kind, someone will still occasionally step in dogshit.
A race of people living in the center of the Earth will be discovered when one of them comes out to buy a sunlamp.
Miners will exploit the ocean floor, and, when trapped in a mine, the wives who gather to wait at the entrance will be forced to tread water.
A team of astronauts will attempt to harness a comet and never be seen again.
The human body will develop fins and gills, and beach property will increase tenfold in value.
Man will learn to control the weather with a large hammer.
A time machine will be built, but no one will have time to use it.
At birth, religions will charge people an initial fee of $50,000 and then pretty much leave them alone.
All the knowledge in the world will be contained on a single, tiny silicon chip which someone will misplace.
People will be born with just enough money to last until they get seriously ill.
The speed of the earth’s rotation will increase and everyone less than five feet tall will be flung off into space, including Paul Anka.
The sun’s light will diminish until it is the equivalent of a forty-watt bulb, and people with highly developed squinting skills will have a survival advantage.
Every part of the human body will become replaceable, but all part will be back-ordered six months.
A utopian society ruled by women will emerge, and there will be peace and plenty for all. However, many men will still act like macho assholes.
People will change clothes every six minutes but never be quite happy with their appearance.
Cities will be built under huge glass domes, which, in time, will be completely covered in graffiti.
Chickens will operate on gasoline and, surprisingly, many of them will get good mileage.
Genetic scientists will develop vegetables too big to be transported and they will have to be eaten right at the farm.
The insane will no longer be housed in asylums; instead, they will be displayed in department store windows.
The oceans will dry up, and people will find things they dropped in the toilet many years ago.
There will be no doctors or medicine of any kind and everyone will be really sick.
Eventually, it will no longer be necessary to forecast the future, because time will disappear and everything will happen at once.

Print · 9th April 2005, 03:17

It kinda branched off a bit at the end.

But that was friggin' hilarious

My favorite was the one about the dog shit.

Where did you get this from?

Nice one Gogitta.

LuigiHann · 9th April 2005, 03:17

3 or 4 of those are funny. Try to edit it down a bit next time.

Mattress · 9th April 2005, 03:18

where did this come from?
reminds me of douglas adams

SSJ4 Gogitta · 9th April 2005, 03:39

George Carlin. From his book "Whemn Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?"

Print · 9th April 2005, 03:41

Name rings a bell. Is is that old guy? Forgive me for my ignorance. Though he seems like a funny guy...

I like the bread crumb bit.

LuigiHann · 9th April 2005, 03:45

Yeah, that old guy.

Fickle · 9th April 2005, 03:46

In The Future, There Will Be Robots.

SSJ4 Gogitta · 9th April 2005, 03:48

Quote:

Originally posted by blueprint_n9ne
Name rings a bell. Is is that old guy? Forgive me for my ignorance. Though he seems like a funny guy...

I like the bread crumb bit.

Yea, the "old guy". Or as he'd probably put it, "the more advanced aged male-sexed homo sapiens".

Print · 9th April 2005, 04:00

Aww yes. Him. Lol.. that guy can be freaky sometimes.

Did he get a penis tattooed on his head in some movie?

Funny guy though.

9th April 2005, 03:07	#1
SSJ4 Gogitta Followed by Gnomes (Forum King) Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: West Virginia Googolplex: 10^10¹°° FB:/SSJ4.DominusDeus DeviantArt: DominusDeus XboX GT: A Wild Meeseeks Playstation 4: DominusDeus Posts: 7,162	In The Future The human life spam will be extended to 200 years, but the last 150 will be spent in unremitting pain and sadness. No one will take drugs, but people will still buy them and conceal them from the police. Children will be required to attend school only when something comes up in conversation that they do not understand. All people will speak the same language, but no one will speak it well. Science will develop exotic flowers capable of producing music. Most of these plants will be exploited by record companies. All farming will cease and the land will be used for loitering. Although people will not keep pets of any kind, someone will still occasionally step in dogshit. A race of people living in the center of the Earth will be discovered when one of them comes out to buy a sunlamp. Miners will exploit the ocean floor, and, when trapped in a mine, the wives who gather to wait at the entrance will be forced to tread water. A team of astronauts will attempt to harness a comet and never be seen again. The human body will develop fins and gills, and beach property will increase tenfold in value. Man will learn to control the weather with a large hammer. A time machine will be built, but no one will have time to use it. At birth, religions will charge people an initial fee of $50,000 and then pretty much leave them alone. All the knowledge in the world will be contained on a single, tiny silicon chip which someone will misplace. People will be born with just enough money to last until they get seriously ill. The speed of the earth’s rotation will increase and everyone less than five feet tall will be flung off into space, including Paul Anka. The sun’s light will diminish until it is the equivalent of a forty-watt bulb, and people with highly developed squinting skills will have a survival advantage. Every part of the human body will become replaceable, but all part will be back-ordered six months. A utopian society ruled by women will emerge, and there will be peace and plenty for all. However, many men will still act like macho assholes. People will change clothes every six minutes but never be quite happy with their appearance. Cities will be built under huge glass domes, which, in time, will be completely covered in graffiti. Chickens will operate on gasoline and, surprisingly, many of them will get good mileage. Genetic scientists will develop vegetables too big to be transported and they will have to be eaten right at the farm. The insane will no longer be housed in asylums; instead, they will be displayed in department store windows. The oceans will dry up, and people will find things they dropped in the toilet many years ago. There will be no doctors or medicine of any kind and everyone will be really sick. Eventually, it will no longer be necessary to forecast the future, because time will disappear and everything will happen at once.

9th April 2005, 03:17	#3
LuigiHann Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: 80's Japan Posts: 3,449	3 or 4 of those are funny. Try to edit it down a bit next time. Who is the milkman? What is the purpose of the goggles?

9th April 2005, 03:18	#4
Mattress Forum King Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Milwaukee Posts: 4,577	where did this come from? reminds me of douglas adams Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus.

9th April 2005, 03:45	#7
LuigiHann Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: 80's Japan Posts: 3,449	Yeah, that old guy. Who is the milkman? What is the purpose of the goggles?

9th April 2005, 03:46	#8
Fickle Butterknife of Justice (Forum King) Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Behind you. Posts: 5,502	In The Future, There Will Be Robots. Go read a book without pictures pabook? \| Look, a blog! \| Buy Stuff I Wrote

9th April 2005, 03:17	#2
Print Forum King Join Date: May 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 3,215	It kinda branched off a bit at the end. But that was friggin' hilarious My favorite was the one about the dog shit. Where did you get this from? Nice one Gogitta.

9th April 2005, 03:39	#5
SSJ4 Gogitta Followed by Gnomes (Forum King) Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: West Virginia Googolplex: 10^10¹°° FB:/SSJ4.DominusDeus DeviantArt: DominusDeus XboX GT: A Wild Meeseeks Playstation 4: DominusDeus Posts: 7,162	George Carlin. From his book "Whemn Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?"

9th April 2005, 03:41	#6
Print Forum King Join Date: May 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 3,215	Name rings a bell. Is is that old guy? Forgive me for my ignorance. Though he seems like a funny guy... I like the bread crumb bit.

9th April 2005, 04:00	#10
Print Forum King Join Date: May 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 3,215	Aww yes. Him. Lol.. that guy can be freaky sometimes. Did he get a penis tattooed on his head in some movie? Funny guy though.

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