How do I tell this to a 13 year old?

[Colonel Sanders]

I'm glad I don't have your problem, the only cousins that I know are two guys, one a year younger than, the other a year older. One has an incredibly dirty mind (in a humorous way) the other is more reserved. Anyways, on to your problem, just follow this 3-step plan:

1) Go to google.
2) Type in "masturbation deffiniton" or something similar, goal is to find a dictionary with the word you need.
3) Print out the result and hand to your cousin.

Good luck.

L J