Old 9th November 2010, 16:05   #1
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Asperger's syndrome

continuation from this thread
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Originally Posted by swingdjted View Post
WotL - what are some things you personally find helpful in terms of helping people with Asperger's? I know I can read up on it, but sometimes, it makes more meaning coming from someone who actually benefits from it. If it's something you'd rather not discuss, I can respect that too.
Some basic information for the rest of the audience
Quote:
Asperger is a disorder in the processing of information.
It has four basic aspects. (I'm translating a paper from my psychopathlogist, sorry for any difficult words)
1 - A disorder in social interaction, especially when it comes to recip.rocity.
It's about a reduced ability to be able to intercommunicate with others in a socially adequate way. Examples are less eye-contact, being 'turned into yourself' too much and a lack of flexibility regarding changes.

2 - A disorder in verbal and non-verbal communication.
The communication is aimed at satisfying own needs, excessive or formal use of language. More interest in data and facts than in humans. Taking words too literal, difficulty with a variety of meanings of a word. Being too good in talking about non-important things, which is important for the atmosphere in a conversation.

3 - A disorder in expressive power
It's hard to imagine something and to give meaning to it. This expresses itself in a lack of imagination or empathizing.

4 - A restricted repertoire of interests and activities
Clinging on to known and trusted activities and habits.
Difficulty with changes. Adjustment problems.
As with anything that could happen to a person, treat them like the person they are, not like someone-with-an-abnormality.
I know families where everything that happens in their lives revolve around a single disease, handicap or whatnot. Everything.
It's pretty much like your own signature - don't forget to live before you die.

I'll try to write a bit more later about how I personally handle it, but dinner's ready

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Old 9th November 2010, 16:15   #2
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Well, except for Hitler(*groan*) quite a few extremely good, smart and innovative people have had or are suspected of having Asperger's. And, obviously you have a wife and a new baby on the way, so it seems you are handling your disorder very well indeed.
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Old 9th November 2010, 17:29   #3
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I'm aware of the benefits as well, and I try to use them, especially the 4th one. If I can get myself interested in something, I don't mind doing that for a long time. These forums for instance, and some parts of my job. Every job has some boring aspects if you do it long enough. I notice that I don't mind as much as most of my coworkers do. And if I can keep concentrated, I know that I can work very precisely. I'll just never be the fastest one around. I just can't deliver sloppy work, it's not in my nature. Working precisely takes time, and everybody's working on a schedule. By nature, I find it hard to find a balance in there. Of course experience helps there.

The first and second one can surely give me hell on birthdays and other crowds where I don't (really) know most people. It's also hard - or better: almost impossible - for me to focus on the conversation that I'm in and ignoring the conversation next to me. I can't talk if I have nothing to talk about. I don't care about how someone reacted when somebody else said something about... blah blah blah. If you want to know why they reacted like that, confront the person with it. Don't bother me with it. I realize I'm getting annoyed even when I'm writing this example.
It's not that I don't care about other people, I do. If someone has a problem I usually do my best to help them. Smalltalk just doesn't come naturally for me. I almost always feel like I'm acting. I know it's important - I *know* other people want to get to know me too, and smalltalk would be the most important way to do that.

Some helpful thoughts. (written with a highschool/college in mind)
Get them motivated.

Don't isolate them from the rest by treating them (too) different.. They're capable of isolating themselves if they want to.

Get to know their weaknesses, and get them to know theirs, but without focusing *too* much on the negative parts. That way you can help them improve. Like (I believe) Einstein said: the first step to being a genius is knowing your weaknesses.

Obviously, make use of their strong sides.

From time to time, simply ignore it - They've got to learn to deal with it. Creating a safe environment is nice, but they're not always going to be under your protection.

Most aspergers are outsiders. Most don't mind or even choose to. Just do your best to get the others to accept them as who they are.

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Old 9th November 2010, 19:19   #4
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i have it, totally serious... it sucks... being alone and not being able to communicate normally, seeing people laugh together and group up, ugh... don't make me turn this into another whine thread
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Old 9th November 2010, 21:42   #5
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i can relate to some of that, i'm totally anti-social for the most part, not quite opposed to it, just.... couldn't give a fuck less about it, if that makes any sense.

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Old 10th November 2010, 02:57   #6
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This thread has been a good read. I just like asking stuff like that because it helps when I get students that could possibly be diagnosable with Asperger's. The big thing I have seen in the few I've encountered was keeping a good routine, and keeping things literal. I've noticed that sarcasm doesn't always work with some people with Asperger's.

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Old 10th November 2010, 05:18   #7
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don't confuse sarcasm on the internet with the other type however ted.

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Old 10th November 2010, 16:02   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingo'mountain View Post
[..]don't make me turn[..]
small sidenote: the only one who could make you would be yourself.
Heh - I think I know why your post is so short, it's hard to describe your feelings if you don't even understand it yourself. I hope this thread isn't too confronting for you to handle.

With sarcasm and jokes, I usually get the point, but somehow I can't resist to take it literal too, just to see 'if it works'. I try not to talk about it because people usually don't care to listen to it.
Jokes (when aimed at a person) always have a core that's at least slightly based on reality. If someone makes a joke about me, I don't mind (depends on who makes it, but that's obvious) but I always ask myself what they're trying to say, if it's something I can improve about myself.

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Old 10th November 2010, 20:37   #9
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Aspergers?

I has it. Fully diagnosed.

Do what I did:

Join the mil for a bit. (that knocked alot out of me.)
next, learn to drink and smoke. (also helps)

the the navy did do me good on alot of things, cus basically i didn't know squat, and then there is always going to be a time when you're going to get your ass chewed out, even for the wrong reasons.
not saying that getting yelled at is a good thing, but with the other stuff about owning your own projects and actual responsibilities.

As for the drinking and smoking part, yeah sure there's so many things wrong with doing both of those, but in the mere interest of the topic:
For one, they are both objects of sociability. Even if you did one or the other, you can still cover ground.

So if you drank and only drank, you could hang out in bars, and as long as you're not trying to impress anymore I'm sure you can keep a nice decent conversation with even a random person.
But what hits more is smoking, especially in this state, NY, where us smokers HAVE to smoke outside in public areas, cus its law. If you see someone out in the damn cold smoking it up and you're about to lite up, you could walk up to em and litterally say 'fuckin state laws and the fuckin cold'. Huston we have conversation.

Ok, so now go for both, start up any conversation in either situation and there's a damn good possibility that you can just transport the conversation into the other.

Now that pretty much covers just about anyone, what it got me? Well I damn well learned how the hell to have a conversation with someone that I didn't feel awkward in attempting to start one or even be put into one.

Sure I smoke, which is bad for me.
and Yes I drink, which I'm about to go fixin to go do so soon.

but shit, at least i found my niche in the world where I'm no longer sociably inept.
Warrior, I'm not saying that you should follow in my steps, but you'll figure it out how to deal with it.

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Old 10th November 2010, 23:55   #10
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confronting? nah... i'm actually glad you brought it up. must have been difficult for you coming out like that, i'm intentionally using that expression becuase it's as hard as saying you're gay.

i do have trouble expressing myself in public, like... there is a line to the cash register at the supermarket, somebody butts in, i will not say anything.
A friend asks me to go out, if i have enough connection to him i'll go with him but will never find stuff to talk about unless he asks me a question, i also have a problem looking straight at people, specially their eyes, when you would talk to me, i'd look away and talk to you back while still looking away, mix that with ADD (i was actually diagnosed with ADHD but i'm not really that severely hyperactive, i do tend to feel restless sometimes and walk aimlessly through my house, but that's a seperate disorder of mine), and you get me...

yeah, i'm very complex... i have emotions, wills, hobbies, dreams... but i just get so apathic so fast, i lose interest so fast, even now typing this post and watching TV, i get bored with typing and watch a TV segment while typing a post, or any comment for that matter, i guess that's ADD too and i'm hijacking your thread now with it, i'll stop).

what i feel when i'm around people is discomfort, i feel fear around people because i know they want me to behave a certain way and i just shut myself off most of the time, not out of will, i want friends, i want company, but at the same time i push them away, kinda like how magnets can reverse polarity while keeping their main attributes, it's an oxymoron loop that holds me in like... my own space, my own bubble i watch the world from, i could be interacting with you like any other person would, while at the same time shutting myself down from the enviroment and you, kinda like how girls cope with rape while in the act itself.

i've been told i'm intelligent, fast learner, auto-didactive (not sure how to spell it, basically means i learn on my own better than being taught), i'm a very visual person, meaning... i can remember people's faces better than their names, i remember how streets look but forget their names... i have a HORRIBLE short term memory, you can tell me anything i need to remember and i forget it a minute after (in some cases even seconds)...

yeah, me in a nutshell
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Old 11th November 2010, 01:06   #11
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names and faces.

Needs more moo-cows.
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Old 11th November 2010, 08:29   #12
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That thing with not looking into the eyes has been literally beaten off me, what was generally good - same as kookee said about going to the navy. I'm more of a self-diagnosed Aspie, and i don't want or need an official statement i guess. It's a gift! But in the end it doesn't make one more special than any other random person. Over-analyzing repetitive thoughts can be nagging, and I have been characterized as introvert or shut-in what's not true from my point of view. Developing a certain intellect helped me, and I have made it a pattern for me to step out of mind-traps by simply biting the bullet and switching off the head for a while. Alcohol and nicotine can do that too, but if you understand it, and you know that it's a thought blockade, then it is much easier to step over it. Of course there are "worse" cases. All i want to say is, that Asperger's is an undercultivated human property.
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Old 11th November 2010, 08:34   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scar Da Kookee View Post
not saying that getting yelled at is a good thing, but with the other stuff about owning your own projects and actual responsibilities.
i'm actually the opposite, getting yelled at... discourages me

Quote:
As for the drinking and smoking part, yeah sure there's so many things wrong with doing both of those, but in the mere interest of the topic:
For one, they are both objects of sociability. Even if you did one or the other, you can still cover ground.
two words: peer pressure

Quote:
So if you drank and only drank, you could hang out in bars, and as long as you're not trying to impress anymore I'm sure you can keep a nice decent conversation with even a random person.
opposite with me, again

Quote:
But what hits more is smoking, especially in this state, NY, where us smokers HAVE to smoke outside in public areas, cus its law. If you see someone out in the damn cold smoking it up and you're about to lite up, you could walk up to em and litterally say 'fuckin state laws and the fuckin cold'. Huston we have conversation.
since you're probably a heavy smoker for mentioning that law, what i'm about to say may piss you off, but i'm very happy that they made this law, it's viable here too, i couldn't stand smokers inside closed buildings, to be honest... fine... you want to ruin your own lungs, that's fine... but smoking inside a building doesn't give other people around you a choice, here it's a crime for stage actors to smoke on stage as well... respect people when they don't have a choice.

Quote:
Ok, so now go for both, start up any conversation in either situation and there's a damn good possibility that you can just transport the conversation into the other.
true, that's how i go most of the time
Quote:
but shit, at least i found my niche in the world where I'm no longer sociably inept.
Warrior, I'm not saying that you should follow in my steps, but you'll figure it out how to deal with it.
so you're solving your social disfunction by drinking and smoking? maybe that's your way to repel people so you don't have to communicate, i know that because that's what i would feel like doing as well.
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Old 11th November 2010, 08:56   #14
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Like I mentioned in the other thread, iomegajaz has Autism, and he's one of the lucky few that are termed "High Functioning", meaning that he just seems like an introverted person. That is until he gets comfortable around you and you realize that he's just a big dork. Or an asshole depending on his mood... I usually tell people who haven't met jaz yet that's he's Autistic and don't take it personally if he seems "cold' towards them.

It's been a rocky road for us, as a married couple, most marriages in which one spouse is Autistic doesn't last, I think the last stats I read was that 80% of the marriages end in divorce in under 5-8 years. We've reached 6 years together, which is longer than his parents (his dad has Asperger's, definite genetic thing in their family), they only lasted 3-4 years I think. From a "normal" spouse's perspective, it's pretty damn hard at times living with an Autistic person. Then again, I can be neurotic too, so we balance each other out I've learned to pick my battles over the years

iomegajaz has gotten "better" over the years, he will now initiate conversations with strangers in a public setting and make an effort to keep the talk going. Although, if he doesn't feel like talking, he'll just sit there and zone out, and I talk around him. He still doesn't care what other people think and LOVES to tell them that, but in a more diplomatic way than he used to use, lol. His memory is still shit, he lives by the reminders on his blackberry. Sees no problem in going out in our little town in the evening dressed in his pajamas. Has all of the teachers at Shy Jr's school worried if he does his Grammar Nazi routine, although he has learned that trying to correct me is a big NO-NO.

But, if he doesn't want to do something, forget about it, it will never happen. He hasn't spoken to his childhood best mate in 7 years after an argument. Refuses to be anywhere near his younger brother, including during Christmas, even though his mom is obviously upset about "the boys" not liking each other.

I think the next couple of years will be the most trying, other than Pixie, I don't think anyone else here has a daughter. Shy Jr is now 10 and PMSing... it's a bit hard as her mom to deal with her, try to imagine yourself as a guy who cannot emphasize and has problems reading facial clues...
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Old 12th November 2010, 01:30   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingo'mountain View Post
i'm actually the opposite, getting yelled at... discourages me



two words: peer pressure



opposite with me, again



since you're probably a heavy smoker for mentioning that law, what i'm about to say may piss you off, but i'm very happy that they made this law, it's viable here too, i couldn't stand smokers inside closed buildings, to be honest... fine... you want to ruin your own lungs, that's fine... but smoking inside a building doesn't give other people around you a choice, here it's a crime for stage actors to smoke on stage as well... respect people when they don't have a choice.



true, that's how i go most of the time


so you're solving your social disfunction by drinking and smoking? maybe that's your way to repel people so you don't have to communicate, i know that because that's what i would feel like doing as well.

nope, got alot more reasons then that.
but at anyrate, screw it all. that what I say.

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Old 12th November 2010, 02:07   #16
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Grammar Nazi is good for kids if handled firmly but respectfully. My parents were both like that and I believe it helped.

Saying you don't care what people think can mean one of two things, and it's often hard to tell which without tactfully asking:

1.) It's true, the person genuinely doesn't care, or
2.) The person actually does care but uses the "I don't care what you think" statement as a defense mechanism to reduce the chance of future criticism.

There are some pretty fun ways of expressing the thought, such as:

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a flyin' fuck."

On drinking and smoking... If you're drinking or smoking for the purposes of being social, you're really not using a healthy way of improving your social life. I don't have a problem with drinking or smoking (after all, I do have a few beers in the summer, and I have a cigar as a cultural piece when there's something rather big to celebrate - birth, wedding, etc.).

Despite this, I tend to be against the implication that there should be a correlation between lack of tobacco and/or alcohol and lack of one's social life. Being social should be a skill learned without needing the chemicals. The choice to smoke or drink should be separate from the choice to improve one's social life in my opinion.

Damn I'm starting to sound like I'm lecturing... Sorry about that. It's just that I see this in students a lot, and they often say that they want to quit smoking or reduce/quit drinking but they can't because they need it to maintain their social life.

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Old 12th November 2010, 05:57   #17
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ted - the irony there is that a social life can and is a very very dangerous thing to possess.

alcohol, helping ugly people have sex since before you born, also helps many many people wrap they're cars around telephone poles, causes deaths not involving any kind of motor vehicle regularly and can also help you get your face pounded in in a pinch (tequila)

smoking (in general, pot, shisha tobacco and regular old cigarettes) some of these are quite social smokes, most noticeably shisha and pot, all three can lead to lung cancer and some pretty nasty ways of not living, and don't forget, falling asleep during these activities can be quite fatal as well.

sex (or, surprised? don't be)
sex can be one of the greatest social activities of all time, best consumed with two or more players, however it is the only of the few so far that can leave you with such a wide variety of crippling and/or terminal diseases.

sporting events
also can quite often be fatal and not just for the people participating, think you'll be fine watching a race from the bleachers?
you probably will, but you could always fall through the gaps in the seating structure if you're young or small or just really unlucky, not to mention no matter how good a job they do at keeping flying debris out of the bleachers, it can and does still happen from time to time.
actually playing the sports themselves is exponentially more dangerous and is known to leave both on field and sideline athletes DOA at the hospital, even cheerleaders aren't safe from contact sports related concussions, broken limbs and even death.

so, to conclude, if you really want to be safe, you shouldn't have been born in the first place, but don't worry, no one lives forever.

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Old 12th November 2010, 06:10   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swingdjted View Post
Grammar Nazi is good for kids if handled firmly but respectfully. My parents were both like that and I believe it helped.
Shy Jr's first grade teacher hated jaz, he'd send back her weekly newletters back to her, corrected for spelling and grammar errors. And yes, it has helped Shy Jr, she has high marks in English

Quote:
Saying you don't care what people think can mean one of two things, and it's often hard to tell which without tactfully asking:

1.) It's true, the person genuinely doesn't care, or
2.) The person actually does care but uses the "I don't care what you think" statement as a defense mechanism to reduce the chance of future criticism.

There are some pretty fun ways of expressing the thought, such as:

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a flyin' fuck."
jaz only takes notice of a few people's opinions, myself included of course. Other than that, he will tell you to shut up if he doesn't care about what you are talking about or proceed to debate you down to you feel like a smudge on the ground. He can be pretty nasty at times, cause he doesn't care about you as a person. I'm still working on him to do the "just nod and smile, then walk away fast" bit.

I have this expression on my face alot while out in public with him...
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Old 14th November 2010, 21:56   #19
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Originally Posted by swingdjted View Post
Grammar Nazi is good for kids if handled firmly but respectfully. My parents were both like that and I believe it helped.

Saying you don't care what people think can mean one of two things, and it's often hard to tell which without tactfully asking:

1.) It's true, the person genuinely doesn't care, or
2.) The person actually does care but uses the "I don't care what you think" statement as a defense mechanism to reduce the chance of future criticism.

There are some pretty fun ways of expressing the thought, such as:

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a flyin' fuck."

On drinking and smoking... If you're drinking or smoking for the purposes of being social, you're really not using a healthy way of improving your social life. I don't have a problem with drinking or smoking (after all, I do have a few beers in the summer, and I have a cigar as a cultural piece when there's something rather big to celebrate - birth, wedding, etc.).

Despite this, I tend to be against the implication that there should be a correlation between lack of tobacco and/or alcohol and lack of one's social life. Being social should be a skill learned without needing the chemicals. The choice to smoke or drink should be separate from the choice to improve one's social life in my opinion.

Damn I'm starting to sound like I'm lecturing... Sorry about that. It's just that I see this in students a lot, and they often say that they want to quit smoking or reduce/quit drinking but they can't because they need it to maintain their social life.
ok, I admit picking up smoking was prolly bad, but i did have alot of issues going on when I started.

I would like to move away from that point, even I know its not good for me.

I don't want to completely avoid the subject, but I would like to avoid that topic area. sure I brought I up but still.


anyway, focusing on drinking. Ok, I don't drink everyday or every-night as one could assume. Yes it was peer pressure the first time, hell that was when I was still in the Navy, I even know what the bar was in Philadelphia back in 08 when 'The Churchill' rolled in a week and a half before fleet week in NYC. But, everything up since was a whole lot of experimentation, I know where my limits are to when I should call it quits when I'm out in town and what not. But if anything is true, is it that I do take breaks, I'm not a 7 day week person sort of thing. but on the regard on social activity, yes my example has actually proven itself once again.

Today I went to the Navy club expecting to work on some of the bookkeeping, but I found out that the volenteer bartenders weren't going to be there nor would the people I need to get into the office in order to actually do the work I left the house today to do the sort of thing.

So, I went across the street where there was an actual bar there, and I sat down, and for basically had a decent 3hr conversation with a guy sitting there at the bar, along with the bartender, talking about the Miami game. Honestly, I think that guy was more sociably inept then I was really.

We got talking about the game, and he brought up about his friend Jeff went into the Army recently, and how he was in the Navy a few years ago and what not, so I was talking to him about that sort of stuff, about why the guy somewhat got screwed on from being an E-5 in the Navy and having to either be an E-3 in the Navy or (yes) an E-3 in the Army, and what the hell is that all about.


but back on subject again, I won't *EVER* say, and no you guys shouldn't have gotten that impression, that my entire argument is to do something bad. I have ALOT of experiences to which can account for my ability of being able to interact sociably, even with complete strangers.
What I did say is that everyone is in fact different.

King, you said that it was the complete opposite of what I do when you quoted me on 'drinking and only drinking' when in bars. Then I guess you should take up on an example of "Hey I'm coming here to enjoy myself, I'm going to order what ever I'm used to having and if someone wants to talk, I'm not going to shut em out and attempt to take the conversation to where ever lengths need be, but none the less I'm here to enjoy myself."

If it gets you to know a guy's name once and only once, that's even good enough for myself, which heck I don't even know "friend of Jeff's" name. >.>

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Old 14th November 2010, 22:25   #20
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That post of mine that you quoted probably could have been worded better. I was lecturing more than actually attacking anyone. Like I said, I still have maybe 2-5 tobacco products each year, so I'd be a hypocrite to say that smoking is "wrong". Plus, during the summer, I really don't see a problem with averaging 0-2 drinks a day, occasionally 3 or (rarely) 4 if it's a really good night.

Summers for me are polar opposite to my school year. During the school year, my job is mostly white collar, working with 5-18 year-olds, and I'm pretty much at that job most waking hours, leaving me too tired on the late evenings and weekends to do much other than post here; in other words I'm a hermit from mid-August to early June. During the summer, I do lots of traveling to various family and friends' spots across the continent, doing blue-collar/labor work for them in exchange for food, beer, and a bed or place to put up my tent. I go out with lots of crazy people to various stomping grounds doing some really strange stuff, and if you saw it, you'd think that I'm anything other than someone who works at a school. People around me during the summers smoke like chimneys and drink like fish, and I have absolutely no unsupporting words for them, so long as they're not driving drunk or getting really sick. I could never keep up with them (in terms of drinking/smoking), so I just take it easy, and they seem ok with that.

Only one of the people I see a lot has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (a first-cousin of Renee's), but I'm guess he's on the lower functioning side of things. He doesn't go for more than a few hours without someone else there providing care for him (food prep and other basic needs are done by others). He works for an auto-part manufacturing company, which supplies parts for Toyota in a very monotonous job (although he likes it). He doesn't drive or do his own laundry or anything like that. It may be a case of more than just Asperger's for all I know, but that's what I'm told at least. I'm guessing if I gave him a drink or a smoke, he'd try it, hate it, and throw it back at me.

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Old 15th November 2010, 11:46   #21
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King, you said that it was the complete opposite of what I do when you quoted me on 'drinking and only drinking' when in bars. Then I guess you should take up on an example of "Hey I'm coming here to enjoy myself, I'm going to order what ever I'm used to having and if someone wants to talk, I'm not going to shut em out and attempt to take the conversation to where ever lengths need be, but none the less I'm here to enjoy myself."
i meant that i don't look at drinking as a social thing, that's the only difference between me and you, when i buy beer, i know that if i'm drinking in a public place, i will probably make a fool out of myself mostly by saying stuff i wouldn't normally say when sober, i'm not a "dancing on the table" kinda guy, but i do get extremely untactful, a glass of wine or beer in a family meeting... fine... in public... i will find somewhere quiet to get drunk.

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If it gets you to know a guy's name once and only once, that's even good enough for myself, which heck I don't even know "friend of Jeff's" name. >.>
i don't think it has much to do with asperger but more like with my ADHD, but it is surely a big blocking wall in my everyday functions
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Old 15th November 2010, 14:08   #22
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Smoking and drinking not be healthy and it could indeed be argued that it shouldn't be needed, but can help (for some people) to break the ice a bit...

I realized that I could learn more than I expected. I may not be able to 'feel' what others are feeling, If I choose to care, I get more experience on how individuals react to things. That way I can learn to react in a different way sometimes. The problem lies in being focused on doing things differently before I do it - or in other words - being aware of the things you're unaware of. Not easy for someone who lives by automatisms

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Old 16th November 2010, 01:10   #23
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The way I see it (with very little experience with people with Asperger's), you must be pretty high functioning. I don't know if my wife's cousin would be able to handle a second language, nor would he do well on a social online forum, nor would he be in any way understanding of anything related to AVS the way you are. He functions in many ways like a 10 or 12 year old with good manners, but many limits.

You seem to function like a very autonomous adult with maybe just a couple accommodations, or if not, just some social considerations that people close to you keep in mind. If other things come to mind that really help, please continue to post here. This may help me if I run across additional people with Asperger's.

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With sarcasm and jokes, I usually get the point, but somehow I can't resist to take it literal too, just to see 'if it works'.
I do this a lot too (quite often actually), just to go along and carry it to the next step. To me and to some, this can be rather funny in a cerebral-humor type way, but to some others, they don't see that I'm just "rolling with it" (their sarcasm) to keep things funny.

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Old 16th November 2010, 19:11   #24
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Aren't there things that he's interested in? If he has time for himself, what does he like to do? It may be good to challenge him there, but be careful that it still an achievable challenge for him. If he can learn something within his safety zone, perhaps he can learn to use that in other aspects of life too. I know that's (very much) against his natural behavior, but I guess he has someone who guides him in those things. If you want to learn him something, it has to be 'safe'

I'm just crazy about computers and I guess that paid off - AVS gave me stimulation and these forums (+ the rest of the internet) taught me better English and perhaps better social interaction. I just protect the boundary of what's socially acceptable for my interests - not that I see that boundary for myself, but by the feedback I get from others who I respect. (That and I'm often just too lazy to push hard.)
Evaluating other people's opinions is hard for us and changing your patterns because of them really destroys your ego. It's not so strange (I think) that a lot of people (Jaz, according to Shyshy) are reluctant. - This is important to know.


Most people around me don't know - they just think I'm just a bit odd I guess...
I've never kept it a secret but I'm not going to start about the subject unless people ask directly or bring it up otherwise.

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Old 16th November 2010, 21:00   #25
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I'm just crazy about computers and I guess that paid off
all hail "free" porn!!!!!!!


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I just protect the boundary of what's socially acceptable for my interests - not that I see that boundary for myself, but by the feedback I get from others who I respect. (That and I'm often just too lazy to push hard.)
huh? i guess i'm the same here, i have a few boudaries when i'm around people, like... not talk out loud every little thing i think about, i tend to be very sarcastic with people i know, upto being obnoxious and insensitive, i also get extremely negative about some things, i guess you can call it pessimism, i call it using bad examples to describe the good ones.

i hate being criticized, like... not to the point of crying, (i was taught not to cry by unnatural means) but to the point where i can't say anything back and look down in shame.
i guess that's why i don't date anyone, and don't go out with friends unless i'm not the one leading the event. i hate the way i look, the way my eyes are baggy, my hair is falling, my penis is small, how my posture is deformed, how my breath smells, how boring i am, how weak i am, how poor i am, how slightly unattractive i am, my stuttering, my ADD, my past, my present.... i'm over-criticizing myself and others but i hate being criticized, i have fantasies but would run from them if they happened in real life, almost like my personality is living in one bubble and my mind is living in another

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Evaluating other people's opinions is hard for us and changing your patterns because of them really destroys your ego. It's not so strange (I think) that a lot of people (Jaz, according to Shyshy) are reluctant. - This is important to know.
people will find it self centered, closed minded, or plain stupid, but it's our grasp of life, doesn't mean we don't understand your view, we do, but we tend to find a truth that sounds logical to us and stick to it, yes... we hurry to make explanations of things without studying them much, kinda like our own truth, my advice to non-aspergers: let it be, if you want to handle our opinion, just say "ok, i accept that, but you should know it's not the only truth" and let us decide for ourselves, because we will be very defensive of our truths wether you like it or not

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Most people around me don't know - they just think I'm just a bit odd I guess...
I've never kept it a secret but I'm not going to start about the subject unless people ask directly or bring it up otherwise.
you can tell them it's not a disease, just a mental disorder like hypochondria (sp?), bipolar... etc... those who understand and accept... good going... those who don't... fuck'em!!!!!
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Old 16th November 2010, 21:21   #26
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Asperger's or just plain old asshole. It's nice when you can assign being a prick to a handicap. I have the cure. Having your ass kicked cures all.
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Old 16th November 2010, 21:26   #27
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asspergers i guess, it's kinda like tourettes, you can get away with it with people who understand.
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Old 16th November 2010, 22:42   #28
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we hurry to make explanations of things without studying them much, kinda like our own truth
I was characterized as an Aspie more than once, and I can agree with it partly - but if it's true i must be one of the really high-functioning ones. Anyway, i can't fully agree with the quoted statement. That's too easy and there is more to it. An Aspie suffers mainly from a poor expression, but not necessarily from a lack of insight. Though, i must admit, if it's not diagnosed, and especially in combination with ADHD, the lack of understanding can be a result of a false treatment. But what you try to assign to an Aspie does not count less for every other.

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my personality is living in one bubble and my mind is living in another
That's just one self-fulfilling prophecy then. Get over it, and accept that it's an inward-spiralling trap. It's okay for an illustration, but let this never be your reality of choice. ^^

It might be helpful for you to exercise some role-playing. Try wearing a false Hulk Hogan mustache for a full month Or, if that is nothing for you, meet a theatre group and practice a role that you will play before an audience.

All of a sudden I have this quote from the movie "I ♥ Huckabees" in my ears: How am I not myself? How am I not myself? How am I not myself?
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Old 16th November 2010, 23:17   #29
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ok, i was wrong to use "we" at that particular statement, and you are right, it's more about lack of expressive skills, but i do believe it is a link in a chain reaction caused by that, kinda like filling in the blanks ourselves and not "expressing" our problems to the outside world
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Old 17th November 2010, 10:53   #30
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like filling in the blanks ourselves and not "expressing" our problems to the outside world
qft
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Old 17th November 2010, 13:34   #31
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Having your ass kicked cures all.
i guess you're one of them people to punch a kid for saying the wrong thing at a bad time..
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Old 17th November 2010, 14:24   #32
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i hate [long list] .... i'm over-criticizing myself
Quoted this because you already know you're over-criticizing yourself and you already know you don't hate yourself. So you're not perfect.. so what? Less people are than - I think - you think. Don't overestimate the rest.

Getting your ass kicked may help in a handful occasions, but mostly it makes people more insecure. To kick someone's ass to point out he's doing something wrong is okay, but also be man enough to help him in the right direction. No I didn't say kick him in the right direction.

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Old 18th November 2010, 00:34   #33
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It depends on the person and the presenting issue. Some rare times, kicking the person into the right direction seems the only thing that works, but I wouldn't start with it. I wish I was able to openly discuss student situations (but if I did I'd be fired pretty quickly for good reason), because I could give pretty clear examples of when this needed to happen, and that it actually worked, despite previous less harsh measures failing.

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Old 19th November 2010, 08:05   #34
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asspergers i guess, it's kinda like tourettes, you can get away with it with people who understand.
And should you? Most of us are capable of suppressing our mental idiosyncrasies. That would be with about a quarter of us suffering some problems on a given day.
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Old 19th November 2010, 14:20   #35
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And should you? Most of us are capable of suppressing our mental idiosyncrasies. That would be with about a quarter of us suffering some problems on a given day.
Some people can suppress their issues, some won't, some simply can't. And maybe a quarter of us are suffering some problems. Should we pretend they aren't?

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Old 19th November 2010, 15:56   #36
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http://www.kmarshack.com/_blog/Kathy...ome_Diagnosis/

The DSM-V (fifth edition) has proposed to eliminate Asperger Syndrome as a specific disorder (which it currently is) and categorize it under general Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Time had an article a while ago on the "Autism epidemic". It seems like people are more than 10 times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than in 1994 when AS was first included in the DSM.

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Should we pretend they aren't?
It's likely before 1994, people now labeled as having AS, would not have been labeled with ASD, not labeled with AS.... maybe just considered a little weird.

If they hung this label on you, maybe you should pretend you aren't? I really don't mean to be insensitive. I just think it's gotten too easy to slap a label on kids, bomb them on Ritalin, and/or send them off for special needs schooling. It's likely they also labeled you ADHD, depressed, OCD and more alphabet soup.

I'm not entirely convinced that treating high functioning people differently than anyone else helps.

At the very least, no one should let these labels determine their identity.

You are not Aspie. Your parents gave you a name.
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Old 20th November 2010, 04:14   #37
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it is true that parents label their kids more easily these days and well since the 90's, because awareness just grew and spread amongst media, schools, and friends... i remember some gatherings at school we had about the hazards of smoking, drinking, rape and unsafe sex, driving... it was always a victim or his family party close to the issue at hand basically warning us of the dangers and bringing some heart tearing story about it...

so the next day you find a druggie in the street and in the back of your mind you label him as a druggie and treat him like a druggie (usually by backing off before he/she touches you).

we label others from the day our brain starts learning, kindergarden, school, highschool, college, workplace.. even at home with our family or friends... i guess it's some sort of social defense mechanism designed to help us choose our groups, who we can relate to, and who we can't relate to, national geographic would probably go as far as our primal ancestors using labels for exactly that... social grouping.

back to parents labeling their kids... yeah.. it's easy today, but think of it from the parent point of view, if you saw your kids acting strange, in an aspie case, playing alone in the sandbox, not participating much in social games or being very quiet and closed, wouldn't you go "WTF is wrong with my kid!!!!" and start running all those disorders in your head trying to find some sort of help? i mean... all my kindergarden and school days my parents spent trying to find what's wrong with me, they sent me to every analyst you can think of, and 3 psychologists, only to come back with "your son is above normal"... awareness of aspergers and ADHD wasn't so spread... i'm talking early 90's... only now when i'm in my 20's my mom told me i have them, due to TV specials and newspaper articles, i was sent to a diagnostic clinic about ADHD (backed by a dedicated australian institute) and returned with positive ADHD (i can scan the results and post here), aspergers was totally my mom's idea after looking at an article and saying "son, i know why you are XYZ and there's a good group with other aspies you should go to", i tagged along only to see those people are in more serious stages than me, felt very misplaced there, and finally quit after 2 months.

i still think i'm an aspie and ADHD, it was just a little late to do anything about it, i'm quite accustomed to both and i'm ok with it... it still sucks... but i'm mentally ok with it
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Old 20th November 2010, 10:37   #38
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As with anything that could happen to a person, treat them like the person they are, not like someone-with-an-abnormality.
I totally agree with you. I always tell my kids to forget the differences because in the end we're all the same because life is like a lottery. This might sound a bit naive but I'm convinced that you can really support someone just by showing that you care about him for the person he is, not for the disabilities he might have.
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Old 20th November 2010, 14:23   #39
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Today I found this video under my youtube subscriptions:
Quote:

http://www.youtube.com/user/zenworksproductions
Is autism stamped into the brain by genes from conception? Or does it develop? If it develops, what influences that development? And how can we influence those influences? If the brain isn't indelibly stamped with autism, then what happens to it to transform it so that it starts producing autistic behaviors? At what range of prenatal or postnatal ages might this start? Is there any way of detecting those changes in living babies? If we can head off the emergence of the debilitating features of autism, how can we prove we did this if we can't be sure ahead of time whether this might be where a baby is headed? Does it matter whether our measures are specific for autism or not? How can we make medical screening and prevention measures the standard of care? What would we need to demonstrate to make this happen, and how would we do this most powerfully? What are the biggest obstacles we would need to overcome? What would population-wide health-promotion and health-protection measures look like? What would be the most efficient and effective ways to carry this out? How much is our success in this a function of how well we answer the above questions?
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Old 20th November 2010, 14:39   #40
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that is naive, in today's society you have to know a person well to look beyond his/her disability, we could be sittin next to one another randomly at the movie theater, cafe', whatever.... and i'll be doing something irregular in case i had tourettes, you'd still talk to me and be nice if i asked a question but in the back of your mind you'd be like "ewww, what's this guy's problem!!!!" why? because you believe that anything people do that are irregular.. abnormal... makes them some sort of freak of nature.. yeah.. that's reality for you, you are seen as a birth defect and not a normal human being, you can see it in the crowd's reactions even if they try to hide it to be polite.

i'm stuttering, for people who are unfamiliar with that disorder.. iiiii c...c..can't m... m.. m. ake commmmmmmmmmplete ssssentences withhhhhout ssssssssounding liiiiiiiiiiiiike aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa complete retard, people are likely to label me as a retard or autist (i've been namecalled that at school), but nobody has an absolute reason why it happens, some say it's miscommunication between the brain and vocal cords (, some say it's some sort of disruption in the brain part that controls speech, i've been to a clinic where i'm supposed to actually training my brain to talk all over again starting from moving my lips without making a sound, to vibrating my vocal cords without making words, making words one syllable at a time, then words, then complete sentences.. i couldn't get to it because i was so self aware that my neighbors will be hearing me sound like a retard while training.

these days i try to suppress that problem, but i can't really help it, it's a part of me and it's what has been separating me apart from others, you can say i'm comfortably numb (yes, i know it's from Pink Floyd) but i don't really care anymore, look at gay people these days, in the past.. being gay was something you had to hide from the public, today since a lot of celebrities are coming out, it feels more common and just a part of life, I've learned to embrace it whether i sound like a retard or not, yet i still won't be doing those clinic exercises because frankly, i don't feel like it.
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