Lame Jokes

[hawk606]

I'm bogged down with homework, and i'd like some cheering up, so if you've got a lame (or non-lame) joke, throw it this way.. (Jayn's Thread in the bitchlist having disappeared)

Here's one i thought of last nite:
Dirty Geek Joke:
Q. What's the difference between coming and going?
A. 0000FF

[mark e]

Here is a joke:

http://forums.winamp.com/showthread....threadid=59679

[steady puffin']

Originally posted by hawk606
I'm bogged down with homework, and i'd like some cheering up, so if you've got a lame (or non-lame) joke, throw it this way.. (Jayn's Thread in the bitchlist having disappeared)

Here's one i thought of last nite:
Dirty Geek Joke:
Q. What's the difference between coming and going?
A. 0000FF

i dont get it

[Bop]

here's a really stupid one:

if a blonde and a brunette jumped off a tall building, which one would land first?

-the brunette would land first because the blonde has to stop & ask for directions

sorry that was pretty lame

/me walks away ashamed

[steady puffin']

two guys walked into a bar....one had to get stitches!! ahahahaah!!! me=funny!! ahahahha get it?

[distortion]

(Lame)

What do you call 4 blondes at a 4-way stop?

An eternity.

(Lamer)

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "How much will that be," asks the neutron. "For you," said the bartender, "no charge."


(Pretty damn lame)

3 Vampires take stools up at the bar and the waitress comes over to take their orders. "I'd like a pint of blood," said the first vampire. The waitress nodded. "I'd also like a pint of blood," replied the second vampire. She walks over to the last vampire. "I'd like a pint of plasma." The waitress looks down at her pad and confrims the order, "okay, so that'll be two bloods and a blood lite."

[sgtfuzzbubble011]

That's pretty damn funny, Hawk.

Uh oh... I guess that makes me a geek.

blood lite

That's so damn lame, it's hilarious.

[griffinn]

I'm a geek.

[s1138]

yup guess im a geek too
LMAO

[Mikael_2k]

Here goes one of my favorite jokes (excuse my English, I probably made a lot of errors ):


The crow sits on the tree near the lake & smokes shit. The beaver saw it and swimmed right to the tree.

- What are you doing? - asked the beaver.
- Smokin' shit. It's cool!
- May I try it too?
- Sure. Make a deep inhalation, hold your breathe, sweem to the other side of the lake and back, and then breath out. After that you'll feel as good as never!
- OK

The beaver makes a deep inhalation, holds the breathe & sweems. When he reached the other side of the lake, he breathed out because he couldn't hold his breathe anymore. There he met a hippopotamus.

- What are you doing? - asked the hippopotamus.
- Smokin' shit.
- What is that?
- Ask the crow on the other side of the lake...
- OK

And hippopotamus swimmed to the other side of lake where the crow sits. The crow saw the approaching hippo, dropped the joint and screamed as loud as possible:

"BEAVER!!!!!!!!!!! BREATHE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Bizznatch]

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat

[Curi0us_George]

Hmm, I always though I as a geek, but I don't get hawk's joke, either.

[Majin_Tost]

drumroll please!!!!!!!!

a baby seal walks into a club!


(i like animals its a joke so if you don't like it i dont want to hear it again JOKE=not real)

[Curi0us_George]

A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

[hawk606]

Originally posted by Curi0us_George
Hmm, I always though I as a geek, but I don't get hawk's joke, either.

lol, you'll get it someday, after you achieve level 5 l33tness.. until then i'll leave you with a quote.
"A joke explained has died a thoudand deaths."

[Huehuetenango]

Originally posted by distortion
(Lame)

3 Vampires take stools up at the bar and the waitress comes over to take their orders. "I'd like a pint of blood," said the first vampire. The waitress nodded. "I'd also like a pint of blood," replied the second vampire. She walks over to the last vampire. "I'd like a pint of plasma." The waitress looks down at her pad and confrims the order, "okay, so that'll be two bloods and a blood lite."

this calls for a blood lite
(sorry, from a mock advertising campaign my bro did for an assignment)

[hawk606]

It's that kind of lameness that's encouraged in this thread

This actually happened in social studies the other day:

The teacher is saying how we've got seperate responsibilities as students and as people..
Mr. G: "As people, you're required to be respectful to eachother..
As students, you--"
Kid interupts: "What's the difference between a person and a student?"
Mr. G: "About four hours sleep"

[Bop]

Why should you never run in front of a bus?
You will get tired.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
Because so many of them own phones.

What did the girl mushroom say about the boy mushroom?
He's a real fun-guy.

Why did the traffic light turn red?
Because it saw the other one changing!

What does an attorney wear to work?
A law suit.


ok i'll stop for now . . . but fear my wrath of lame jokes for i shall return, MUHAHAHAHAHAH

[n_ick2000]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[steady puffin']

knock knock.....

[hawk606]

lol who's there?

[steady puffin']

s1138

[Bop]

s1138 who?

[steady puffin']

**some1 else take over, i dono how to continue**

[hawk606]

oh god..

s113-8 this a lame joke?

my friend just told me this one on msn..

A lady gets married, she says to her husband,
"You know, you're my fourth husband"

"oh really"

"yeah, my first husband died by eating poisonous mushrooms.."
replies the lady..

"that's awful, what happened to your second husband?"
asked the man

"he died by eating poisonous mushrooms.."
she said casually

"I'm so sorry, do you mind if I ask what happened to your third husband" said the man

"Broken neck"
says the lady..

"Broken neck?"
says the man
"How?"

"Oh him? he wouldn't eat the mushrooms"

[jns]

Two guys talking in a bar:
- Hey, have you tried that other hole on the chicks?
- Nah, then they could get pregnant!

Father to son:
- Soon the stork will bring you a little sibling.
The boy responds:
- Damn retard, the whole town is full of pussy, and you fuck the stork!

[THEMike]

What is red, and invisible?




No Tomatoes.

[Bizznatch]

Yo mama so fat she tried to wield the One Ring and it wouldn't fit on her finger.

Yo mama so fat she counts as two characters when determining the Hazard limit.

Yo mama so old, Cirdan turns to her for advice.

Yo mama so stupid, she starts with Foolish Words instead of a minor item.

Yo mama so stank, Worm's Stench is free against her company.

Yo mama so fat, creatures can be keyed to any region against her.

Yo mama so fat, she made a necklace out of the Palantiri.

Yo mama so fat even Bombur tells fat jokes about her!

Lame Musical Jokes

Why can't skeletons play church music? They don't have any organs!--sent by Jeremy White, Indianapolis, Indiana
Where do cantalopes go in the summer? John Cougar Mellon Camp!
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley!!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bassoon recital.
What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
A guitarist was so Baroque, he robbed a music store and ran off with the lute. His percussionist friend took a drum and beat it.
How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb? One, two, three... one, two, three.
What would Mozart be doing if he was alive today? Probably screaming and clawing at the inside of his coffin.
These jokes are so bad, I can't Handel them. The make me Lizstless. They can be too Mendlesohm. You'd better go out Bach and stay in Haydn.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chicken? Because it kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach

Lame Country Music Song Titles (these are all real!)

Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it!!!--sent by Jeremy White, Indianapolis, Indiana
What did the tablecloth say to the table? "Dont move, I've got you covered." -- sent in by MARC Loterijman
Why did the bubble gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot! (Liz Baratta-Pennsauken, NJ)
Did you hear about the cat that ate yarn? She had mittens!
What do you call two recently married spiders? Newlywebs!
Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide!
What kind of ants are the biggest? Giants!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderware!
What lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck!
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, it croaks every night!
Why did the policeman stay in bed? He was an undercover cop!
What did the baby corn say to the mom corn? Where is my pop corn?!
What are goose bumps for? To keep geese from speeding!
What goes zzub, zzub, zzub? A bee flying backwards!
What do you call a horse with a temper?? A nightmare!
What time is it when you know you need to go to the dentist? Two-thirty!
Where did General Patton put his armies? In his sleevies!
What do you get when you cross a steam shovel and a hot tamale? Hot diggity!
What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion!
What kind of nut sounds like a sneeze? A cashew!
What kind of flower grows between your nose and your chin? Tulips!
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother had been a wafer so long!
What animal should you never play cards with? A cheetah
What country is always going after Turkey? Hungary!
What organ of the body is the last to die? The Liver!
What did one math book say to the other? Boy do we have a lot of problems
What former presidental candidate was recently released from prison? Ross Parole!
What's green and has holes in it? A drill pickle!
What was the name of the detested Nazi wood carver? Adolf Whitler!
What do you call a potato in Algebra class? A square root!
What did the mushroom say when he was kicked out of the nightclub? Don't kick me out, I'm a FUN GUY!
Who is the vice-president of pumpkins? Al Gourd!
What did the momma cow say to the baby cow? It's pasture bedtime!
Where do grapes go for a good time? A jam session!
What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati 'o Furniture!
What kind of tooth lives in Antarctica? A molar bear!
Where do you find a legless turtle? Right where you left him!
What type of monkey can fly? A hot air baboon!
What do you get if you cross onions & beans? Tear Gas!
Hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!
What do you call a Mexican quarterback? EL PASO!!
Why did the Cyclops have to close down his school? Because he only had one pupil!
Which western hero belched a lot? Wyatt Urp!
What do you put on a pig bite? Oinkment!
What do you call 16 bunnies hopping backwards?? A receding hare-line!
How does a lion like his steak? Medium Roar!
What's purple and carries a machine gun? Al Caplum!
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved!
What city in the state of New York has the most rabbits? Albany!
What did the policeman say about the kidapped man tied to a radish? he's bound to turnip somewhere! (from Joey Adinoff)
What is the sorryest Space ship? The Apollo-Gize ( also from Joey Adinoff)

[SSJ4 Gogitta]

[lame]Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cause 7 8 9.[/lame]

[jns]

Originally posted by SSJ4_Gogitta
[lame]Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cause 7 8 9.[/lame]

Wha....t?

[SSJ4 Gogitta]

Originally posted by jns

Wha....t?

LMFAO...

6 was afraid of 7... because 7 ATE 9...

[SSJ4 Gogitta]

You have no idea how hard im lauging... god.. i heard that in kindergarden... HAHA

[jns]

Haha. Bah!
Too lame even for me to understand.

[hawk606]

mike, that one was gold!

3 nuns sit in a park, a man runs up and flashes them.
One nun instantly has a stroke. The second's eyes become huge, she has a stroke. The third's arm was too short.

[eleet-2k2]

Originally posted by hawk606
mike, that one was gold!

3 nuns sit in a park, a man runs up and flashes them.
One nun instantly has a stroke. The second's eyes become huge, she has a stroke. The third's arm was too short.

LOL ewww.... nun's?!

[hawk606]

Originally posted by 31337-2k2


LOL ewww.... nun's?!

it could just be old people too, whatever floats your boat.. I didn't make it up

[Bop]

WARNING BAD BLONDE JOKE AHEAD!!!





Why did the blonde get kicked out of the m&m factory?






she kept throwing away the w's




MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

[griffinn]

Here ya go.

[Bop]

Originally posted by griffinn
Here ya go.

that is one fucked up lady . . .

[jns]

Originally posted by Boplicity


that is one fucked up lady . . .

Obviously, she had a son.