He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree....

[. - .... .- -. ....]

Made me laugh. Quite a bit.

Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at
a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that
used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you
banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy
Ashley, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:/flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung
by mistake. (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy
Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
"Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the
Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin
sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a
play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling-Free. (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

[Bilbo Baggins]

These all read like my writing.

[Aquila Blue]

Originally posted by ethan_h

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy
Ashley, Washington)

then there are the weird parts of the world where jeopardy comes on at both 7pm and 8pm and those even weirder people who watch it at 7pm and then watch at again at 8pm with their friends and get all the questions right the second time round...

as for the rest of them, they are pretty funny!

[Xerxes]

Originally posted by ethan_h
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

That's actually a pretty good description if you visualize it....

[Trigear]

i could swear some of those were from my own writing... and that's bad for me.

[rm']

Originally posted by ethan_h
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
"Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

That's actually pretty good

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Sounds like some of these are a case of a wicked sense of high school humor, rather then bad writing skills

[banjoe-john]

Originally posted by ethan_h
[B]The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Hahaha. Thats good!

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Thats disgusting.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Speaking from personal experience I guess...

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russel Beland, Springfield)

That is probably the dumbest thing I've read today. In a long time.

[GoldenSphynx]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Very, uhh, original.

[spanky]

wow, I haven't laughed this hard in a very, very long time. ouch, my friggin' tummy hurts. bastard.

[KelseyB]

[00:36:08] <Es_Elle_Kay> and you gotta make sure to heave on lots of syrup before putting it in...it makes it work smoother, like lube, but withuot the funny sounds

(in refrence to toast... or waffles... it doesnt matter, she still said it...)