Girl Trouble

[GoldenSphynx]

Well, there is this girl, a junior in my school, and a mutual friend hooked us up to go to the sophomore social together. And I'm really starting to have feelings for her.

I got her a bear for Valentine's Day and a message that was broadcasted on homeroom that asked her to be my valentine. But now I know about a guy she's talked about before. He goes to a different school, and I found out that they have been hanging out a lot lately.

When I found out today, I felt like someone was stirring up my insides, and right now I'm about to puke my guts out. I don't know what's happening.

Her birthday is coming up, but I know I need to do somehting this week, before it's too late. I mean, I think she is awesome, but I don't wanna screw up our friendship and then lose interest in her as a person.

What could I give her for her birthday that would give her a definite impression that I really like her, and that won't shove it all in her face, so that she would have to make a choice between me and the other guy? (I know though, that I would lose it for sure)

But I don't wanna hold my feelings back. I feel really bad on the inside right now. Almost puking and I feel so down in the dumps.

Is there even a way to preserve our friendship after telling her I really like her, but she isn't in the same place I am in? I don't wanna screw up our freindship at all, at least then we can still have fun on that one night.

I know I shouldn't but just writing this and thinking it over is almost bringing me to tears. This is so frustrating. Any replies would be appreciated.

[Raz]

first off, if you have feelings, you shouldnt be bottling them up, if you dont want to screw up the friendship but its making you feel so shit that you havent done anything then you probably should say something. Dont just come straight out and say it just sort of edge it in a conversation, i mean if you feel awful now and youd feel awful if she said no at least you'dknow where you stand

[GoldenSphynx]

Damn I hate crying. I know, I know, but I don't know how to go about telling her at all.

[Trigear]

first off, i've learned this one the hard way: you can't do anything without screwing up the friendship. you can't get anything without taking risks. even if you hook up, you're screwing up the friendship.

second: don't think it over. dwelling on it is going to kill you, to cause you pointless suffering. decide to either make your move or not.

i can't give you any more advice than that given what information i have at the moment.

good luck though. i know that kind of situation is tough. you just have to grit your teeth and go for it, or accept the fact that you won't. dwelling is the worst thing you can do.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by triGEAR


good luck though. i know that kind of situation is tough. you just have to grit your teeth and go for it, or accept the fact that you won't. dwelling is the worst thing you can do.

I won't bottle it up, but if I only knew how to tell her. She's very special and I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to have to go through any pain because of me. But then again, I too, know what it's like to bottle up feelings, and it's not pretty.

[Orgone_Man]

Probably the best thing that you could do is call the girl up and tell her, in a most reserved tone, that you would be interested in advancing the relationship. This can only make her feel good about you, and if she is already involved in the other dude, she will just feel a bit flattered.
If that is the case, don't have the "I've fallen off the cliff syndrome", but this takes a lot of social maturity and stamina... If you can, act like you always have around her after the talk and she will realize that you are not shallow and stuff..

of course, what do I know?

[Raz]

maybe just in a conversation out of the blue, ask her if she would evr want to be more than friends, putting no pressure or anything. If she says yes, go for it, no, then drop it instantly and change the subject maybe, im not sure i dont have much experience with situations like this.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by Orgone_Man
Probably the best thing that you could do is call the girl up and tell her, in a most reserved tone, that you would be interested in advancing the relationship. This can only make her feel good about you, and if she is already involved in the other dude, she will just feel a bit flattered.
If that is the case, don't have the "I've fallen off the cliff syndrome", but this takes a lot of social maturity and stamina... If you can, act like you always have around her after the talk and she will realize that you are not shallow and stuff..

of course, what do I know?

I can try that, but I usually get flustered around her. Im like at a blank when it comes time for me to say something.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by Raz_001
maybe just in a conversation out of the blue, ask her if she would evr want to be more than friends, putting no pressure or anything. If she says yes, go for it, no, then drop it instantly and change the subject maybe, im not sure i dont have much experience with situations like this.

Doesn't sound too promising. Such a comment is usually hard to just pop up or even drop once its been said.

[MetallichicA]

I would say don't ask if she wants to be more than friends. That forces her to decide NOW what could happen LATER... and she might not be ready for that.


In your life, you're going to meet a lot of people. If you and she are meant to be together, things will work out. If not, you'll move on. No matter what you do, it will lead to the end you're supposed to end up at. It's a lot more comforting than it may sound

*hugs* Don't worry yourself too much hun.

[Raz]

leave it to me to cause some sort of disaster, meh... like i said, not much experience in the friends advancing thing. I still stand by my first comments though.

[KelseyB]

i wholeheartedly agree with orgone. the best thing to do is tell her and be mature about it.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by MetallichicA
I would say don't ask if she wants to be more than friends. That forces her to decide NOW what could happen LATER... and she might not be ready for that.

But how do I cope with all these feelings? It's like a jackhammer is in the pit of my stomach pounding away.

[anubis2003]

sleep if you can.

[MetallichicA]

Read my edit

[baafie]

For some reason, I was asked to post my input here.

What I would do in your situation is the following: I would call her and ask her if she would like to have a cup of coffee in a quiet coffee shop or just at home.. and then just spit it out. If she has any feelings for you, she will appreciate you being honest - and even if she does not, that may change

Forget about the other guy. If you're alone with her, she's all you think of, and you're all she thinks of. After you confess your feelings, ask her if she would like to go to the theater or something with you. Be creative.

[Trigear]

gs, another thing: i'd make sure before i did anything that it was a genuine interest in a relationship and not just a crush. healthy relationships are all about maintaining equal footings, and if you have her on a pedestal that will never happen. keep an eye out for that first.

[GoldenSphynx]

dre, can you further explain please? i have to go to bed though. read everyhting tomorrow.

[Trigear]

i mean, it sounds to me like you're maybe a little too infatuated with this girl. that might not be the case, but that's the impression i'm getting. i've been there, and it never ends well. either you get hurt or nothing happens and you grow distant. just make sure it's not infatuation or a crush before you do anything else. if it is, just back off until it has passed and then you can look into pursuing something realistic.

i'm only saying this to avoid hurt for you. getting your bubble bursted by a girl hurts like hell... only blueballs ever comes worse, when it comes to girls.

[edit: or, as they say on the mean streets, "check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."]

[insomniac]

Smoke up. Always solves my problems.

[ryan]

Originally posted by triGEAR
i mean, it sounds to me like you're maybe a little too infatuated with this girl. that might not be the case, but that's the impression i'm getting. i've been there, and it never ends well. either you get hurt or nothing happens and you grow distant. just make sure it's not infatuation or a crush before you do anything else. if it is, just back off until it has passed and then you can look into pursuing something realistic.

i'm only saying this to avoid hurt for you. getting your bubble bursted by a girl hurts like hell... only blueballs ever comes worse, when it comes to girls.

[edit: or, as they say on the mean streets, "check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."]

That happened to me.. I bought her gifts and stuff..then she just dropped me....

[Some1]

What could I give her for her birthday that would give her a definite impression that I really like her, and that won't shove it all in her face, so that she would have to make a choice between me and the other guy?

Okay, if you really have feelings for her, DON'T rely on some material gift to try and say what really needs to be expressed with words...take Orgone's advice (and mine), and just tell her how you feel...after that, everything else is really up to her, and all you can do is hope that things turn out for the better. It may be more difficult to tell her in words than it is to try and get your point across with some sort of gift, but the meaning behind a gift is easy to misinterpret (or just plain ignore), and at least when you tell her flat out, you're not left waiting for a reply that might not even be coming.

[el unico]

dude just go for it, these following words helped me take action and actually ask this chick out that i really digged...

ten years from now you will regret the things that you didn't do more than the things that you did do

i'll admit the chick didn't go out with me cause she was already taken but at least i got it off my chest

be like **** and just do it... real crappy shit but hey it makes sense

[Trigear]

Originally posted by el unico
ten years from now you will regret the things that you didn't do more than the things that you did do

i really like that quote, and from my own experience, it's so true. i can finally put it into words! thank you!

[ryan]

I say we change TriGear's name to Dr.Love.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by triGEAR
i mean, it sounds to me like you're maybe a little too infatuated with this girl. that might not be the case, but that's the impression i'm getting. i've been there, and it never ends well. either you get hurt or nothing happens and you grow distant. just make sure it's not infatuation or a crush before you do anything else. if it is, just back off until it has passed and then you can look into pursuing something realistic.

i'm only saying this to avoid hurt for you. getting your bubble bursted by a girl hurts like hell... only blueballs ever comes worse, when it comes to girls.

[edit: or, as they say on the mean streets, "check yo'self before you wreck yo'self."]

I'm not even sure anymore. I don't care if I was hurt, I just don't wanna mess up the relationship that we already have. Something like what baafie said and orgone put together might work. I have to try. Like I said in the beginning and el unico a couple posts back, no regrets, and no regrets it shall be.

[Jedi Gemstone]

hmmmm intresting situation. Well I'm not the best person at these relationship stuff. But you could try and get her alone type of thing, and talk to her then without anyone around.
And for her birthday get her a real sweet card and somehting speacil like a signant ring if u know her finger size or a necklace, all girls like jewlery and plus its not like-
choclates-she'll eat
clothes-she'll grow out of
flowers-they will die
but jewlery she can keep forever hope oyu get to tell her who ya feel good luck

[ryan]

Originally posted by Jedi Gemstone
hmmmm intresting situation. Well I'm not the best person at these relationship stuff. But you could try and get her alone type of thing, and talk to her then without anyone around.
And for her birthday get her a real sweet card and somehting speacil like a signant ring if u know her finger size or a necklace, all girls like jewlery and plus its not like-
choclates-she'll eat
clothes-she'll grow out of
flowers-they will die
but jewlery she can keep forever hope oyu get to tell her who ya feel good luck

Teeniebopper Language??

[Jedi Gemstone]

Originally posted by idiot24-7
Teeniebopper Language??

what the hell?

[ryan]

Dunno.. maybe this guy does.

[steak]

Ok I haven’t read all the posts here yet but it seems that you are in a position that I have found myself in a few times.

You are taking a very big risk with this, depending of course on how much this girl means to you. If she’s really that good of a friend (I mean same interests, talk great, really compatible) then even if everything does go pear shaped things shouldn’t be that bad after. But if they go right then it can be the best thing ever because the best relationships are based on a friendships.

If you find out she’s going out with this other guy then be cool, don’t get too upset about it, work out a bit, buff yourself up and ‘accidentally’ put yourself in positions where she can see all the workout you’ve been doing (like wait in the shower for her then come out topless and with your hair wet… you get the picture) Interest her and make her chase after you. The last thing you want is to be a love sick puppy, that can lead to bad relationships (trust me I know)

But all that’s getting beside the point, you want something to do now. Well coffee shops are great ideas they can be very moody and add and air of class to any proceedings that well....proceed. Take her to one and (as has been said) slowly let it out that you ‘really like her’ but don’t go too overboard coming out with “I really love you and can’t bare to be without you” that stuff always scares people away.

Top of the list, be confident, whity, good looking, complex/mysterious/intelligent and imaginative (in that order) if you have those five things down pat then you can’t loose (unless of course she has something really bad against you)

And wash, smelling bad really sucks

[ryan]

And wash, smelling bad really sucks

I cant help it

[Jedi Gemstone]

Originally posted by idiot24-7
I cant help it

LOL ever heard of soap or deodrant?

[Trigear]

hearing your story brought me back to highschool. i did the dumbest girl-related things back then, and i think now you should just go for it. talk to her. half the girls i liked in highschool i only had a crush on, but it's better to try and get rejected than to never try at all.

unico's quote really did it for me.

[Orgone_Man]

Originally posted by insomniac
Smoke up. Always solves my problems.

Better yet, get her to smoke up with you...

[liquidmotion]

Originally posted by triGEAR
don't think it over. dwelling on it is going to kill you, to cause you pointless suffering. decide to either make your move or not.

goddamn right it will.

[Mrs_Mia_Wallace]

I agree with all the people tha tmentioned the coffe shop as a good place, I've been in a lot of situations like that, I've been asked out and I've asked a guy out before who was too shy....I know how you feel, man I was so scrad to tell him but one day I just thought:

Anything will be better than not knowing what I'm up to, if I don't ask I'll regret it forever because I'd be missing out on some wonderful time!

The coffe shop is a good idea, I had a guy that I didn't even really know suddenly standing in front of my door with roses and a poem...not a good idea.

Since you are already good friends with the girl, I have a good feeling that it could work out well...just dare and do it, simply talk to her about how you feel but don't push her into a corner like "I love you, do you love me too", just tell her about your side and see what she says but DO IT!!!

Mia

BTW I don't want to confuse you but I don't like jewellery (maybe the only girl in the world) and a ring could look like something too much related to marrying someone...but maybe that's a culture thing I shut up now I think I have nothing intelligent to say...

[John M]

this sound more like infatuation than love. but hey, thats cool. just talk to her, kinda let her in on how youre feeling. one of 3 things can happen. if she sounds confused, she prolly just needs time to process the info. if she says no, well, no. if she says yes, it's possible she's been feeling the same way too.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by Jedi Gemstone
hmmmm intresting situation. Well I'm not the best person at these relationship stuff. But you could try and get her alone type of thing, and talk to her then without anyone around.
And for her birthday get her a real sweet card and somehting speacil like a signant ring if u know her finger size or a necklace, all girls like jewlery and plus its not like-
choclates-she'll eat
clothes-she'll grow out of
flowers-they will die
but jewlery she can keep forever hope oyu get to tell her who ya feel good luck

If I had the money I would do it, but really, jewelry would be an already dating thing. But thanks for the suggestion.

[GoldenSphynx]

Originally posted by Mrs_Mia_Wallace
I agree with all the people tha tmentioned the coffe shop as a good place, I've been in a lot of situations like that, I've been asked out and I've asked a guy out before who was too shy....I know how you feel, man I was so scrad to tell him but one day I just thought:

Anything will be better than not knowing what I'm up to, if I don't ask I'll regret it forever because I'd be missing out on some wonderful time!

The coffe shop is a good idea, I had a guy that I didn't even really know suddenly standing in front of my door with roses and a poem...not a good idea.

Since you are already good friends with the girl, I have a good feeling that it could work out well...just dare and do it, simply talk to her about how you feel but don't push her into a corner like "I love you, do you love me too", just tell her about your side and see what she says but DO IT!!!

Mia

BTW I don't want to confuse you but I don't like jewellery (maybe the only girl in the world) and a ring could look like something too much related to marrying someone...but maybe that's a culture thing I shut up now I think I have nothing intelligent to say...

All of you tell me to tell her, but I get so shy around girls i like because I have a fear of doing something idiotic. Her birthday is coming up and I'd like to get her a card and a stuffed animal, and maybe some flowers if that's not a little too much(someone tell me if it is please) but I don't wanna spend 50 bucks on just the roses. If it isn't too much, what other flowers would be good as a substitute?