Old 19th April 2005, 05:54   #1
DJ ROACH
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sex and the toliet chin smack

To start of i had the wildest or wierdest nite, i started cleaning my house, while my clothse were in the dryer, i went to the bar. This girl started picking up on me, asked me what my hourly rate was to help her move. she seemed nice, i told her "well ill help you out for a six pack and some smokes" I figured she really wanted me to come and trim her hedge, if you know what i mean. amyways the story gets nuts from here.

she came back to my apartment with me, so i could take my clothes out of the dryer and take my dog out to piss.
after that we left. we went to her storage to unload what she had in her suburban, during this she told me about things i really didn't need to know.

i knew before i left with her that it was problly gonna be a intresting time, this takes the cake, she started to tell me that she was married, while her and her husbands house was being remodeled she fell in with one of the contractors. WHAT!?

she then tells me that the contracor cheated on her with his wife

at this point iam kinda off beat, i mean i thought she was hot but now i just dont know. I mean iam off, way off.

so at this point iam really thinking iam right "this is really gonna be inresting" well it gets better.

So i help her unload and we leave, to where you ask. to her boyfriend or exboyfrineds house to get her furniture.
WHAT!?!?! yeah ok, so she tells me that hes gone and will be gone till late, NOT TRUE, NOT TRUE. she gets me buzzed with half a bottle of Monopolova Vodka.

we end up talking about sex and then we are naked in his bed. yeah so iam a dumb ass, gets worse, i cant get it up, its not working, my dick straight up said NO, HELL NO, it said WTF are you doing dumbass. It just wasnt right, so i tell her no, its not working this way. she gets a little offended and gets dressed.

3 minutes later keys hit the lock, i was already at the window smoking, she pipes up "there he is".

WHAT!?! i mean WHAT!?!

the guy comes in and shakes his head, chuckles and walks out, My hat is off to him. still the situation is pretty screwed. she starts lookin for her bra, wheres my bra, we find her bra, she goes into the bathroom, i go stand by the door. while iam standing there he comes thru the door
he walks right past me and into the bathroom where shes at, i hear him garble a few words open the door, walks right past me and leaves.

I almost followed him out the door, i stand there and she comes out, she told me he had taken some stuff out off the garge and left it for her. so we go down to her suburban, i tell her that nothing else is going to fit in her truck, she said well ill guess iam gonna have to go talk to him and argue about putting the stuff back. as soon as she left i high tailed it down the street (on foot)

she calls me and asks were i am, like a dumb ass i tell her (only cause i dont wanna walk) oh and we exchanged numbers before we even left the bar earlyer. so anyways, she picks me up and takes me to my house, she keeps tryin to make out with me, i couldnt stand it, i mean i have a dick and i really like sex. so we go into my house, we start gettin it on in my bedroom. we end up in the shower, i was hittin that ass like i was gonna die if i went limp, i still couldnt keep it together, it just wasnt right, i was spooked.

I had her doggystyle, i pulled out and acted like i came.

This is were it gets FUCKED or FUNNY how ever you see it, she gets out of my shower, slipps, falls face first and bounces her chin off my toilet. WTF
I didnt know what to do, besides aking are you OK i really didnt care, i mean really thought it kinda served her right.
after that she grabed my towl and went into my bedroom, i asked her, i said, do you know what that was that just happend to you?
she said nothing.
i told her you just got a god smack, i swear to god i told her she just got a god smack.

Iam a dick and i know it, but WTF shes just fuct i mean really fuct. thats what you get when you act the fool.


guess i just turned GD into my own blog, fuck who cares.

thats gotta be funny to some one.
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Old 19th April 2005, 06:10   #2
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i thinks it's funny in a weird way.

There is no sig.
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Old 19th April 2005, 06:11   #3
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O_o


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Old 19th April 2005, 06:36   #4
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Re: sex and the toliet chin smack

Quote:
Originally posted by DJ ROACH
yeah ok, so she tells me that [her boyfriend's] gone and will be gone till late, NOT TRUE, NOT TRUE.
LMAO.

Very funny story. Dude you got caught up in the middle of some wierd shit.

She could have been trying to get you beat up or killed or something. NOT TRUE NOT TRUE
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Old 19th April 2005, 07:20   #5
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Might want to call Mark Burnett. This would make one hell of a TV show.

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Old 19th April 2005, 07:23   #6
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DJ ... ... you live an interesting life.

Sometimes, you should listen to your dick ... ... if even the little one does not want to do it, man you might as well high tail out of there.

Sometimes it is just being me that counts
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Old 19th April 2005, 10:53   #7
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That was one of the best stories I have read here.

Sounds like a very interesting night!
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Old 19th April 2005, 11:06   #8
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Sounds like you fucked a retarded chick. Way to go

yeah, i'm back.
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Old 19th April 2005, 11:08   #9
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I cant stop laughing about this................

It is something out of penthouse forums.
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Old 19th April 2005, 11:34   #10
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Quote:
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I cant stop laughing about this................

It is something out of penthouse forums.
I was thinking more of 'psycology today'...
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Old 19th April 2005, 11:50   #11
protegechris
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Yeah, DJ ROACH literally did the schiavo

yeah, i'm back.
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Old 19th April 2005, 14:19   #12
DJ ROACH
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Quote:
Originally posted by protegechris
Sounds like you fucked a retarded chick. Way to go
lol, yeah thats prob bout right.
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Old 19th April 2005, 15:52   #13
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*points at DJ Roach and laughs

Jesus loves you [yes, you] so much, he even died for you so that you will not need to die, but live forever
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Old 19th April 2005, 15:57   #14
izchan
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penthouse has a forum?

Sometimes it is just being me that counts
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Old 19th April 2005, 16:19   #15
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Quote:
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*points at DJ Roach and laughs
From what I gathered she was hot and he got laid.

Who cares if she's a little off.. it's not like he's going to marry her..
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Old 19th April 2005, 16:24   #16
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She's probably married. In like 12 different states.

yeah, i'm back.
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Old 19th April 2005, 19:50   #17
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haha you're fucked up too man.

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Old 19th April 2005, 20:00   #18
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Hahahahaha - This story made me laugh so much.
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Old 19th April 2005, 20:54   #19
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I guess these things really happen LOL
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Old 19th April 2005, 23:48   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by missyob
I cant stop laughing about this................

It is something out of penthouse forums.
It should be, i wrote that almost minutes after she left.
I dont think it could have happened to anyone else but me, i cant go a month without some wierd ass shit happening to me.

p.s. its good to see your back missy, dont really no much about what happened. still its good to see you.


glad i could make everyone laugh, it made my friend laugh so hard on his way to class he had to pull over to the side of the road.
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Old 20th April 2005, 00:25   #21
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It's like watching a sitcom, only it lasts for a few minutes and it's in the form of ASCII text...

"I just want to lie in my own crusty filth, eating rancid egg sandwiches, until some unfortunate paramedic has to blow down my door to find my bloated and pasty corpse wedged between the nightstand and mattress stained with Bengay and Robitussin DM." - Greg Gutfeld on sex and seniors
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Old 20th April 2005, 02:34   #22
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Gotta hand it to ya, man.

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Old 20th April 2005, 02:59   #23
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Hah, t'was about time for another good story to roll along.


I personally would've tried to ditch her when I had the chance, but you ended up getting some sex in the end so I gotta hand it to you.

The reaction of her boyfriend was extremely mature; I'm sure he wasn't too happy seeing you there, and he didn't yell or make a deal out of it when he saw you in there.

Or maybe he didn't care at all and just left (?). Meh, either way you got the best end of the situation.
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Old 20th April 2005, 05:43   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by squakMix

The reaction of her boyfriend was extremely mature; I'm sure he wasn't too happy seeing you there,
I dont think he knew, really he only saw me by a window smoking, he didint see me naked with his ex.... she has 2 ex.... one a husband and one a lover. some not so funny shit, at the same time some really funny shit.

i dont know, i mean i kinda knew beofre all this,
it was gonna be some (weird) ass shit.

it happens, but atleast it happens for some reason, be it you laughing or me acting the fool. it works to a good advantage for something.

its alright by me, for any reason its a good life.

i wouldnt trade my life for anything, cept maybe a six pack and some smokes
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Old 20th April 2005, 05:47   #25
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he got laid, he got caught and his alive.

what more does one wish for in life?

Sometimes it is just being me that counts
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Old 20th April 2005, 06:24   #26
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Hot damn! I wish my life was this interesting...lucky bastard...

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Old 20th April 2005, 06:36   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nat_roy
Hot damn! I wish my life was this interesting...lucky bastard...
hey, iam here on the forums, iam writing this reply @ 11:30 pm my time, by myself with my dog and cat.

doesnt sound that intresting, its in the eye of the beholder, everyones life is intresting, thats whats cool about life and these forums.

the only question you can ask your self is if you want to be intresting, or live your life.

to me life is intresting, i can always wish to be somone else (i do that alot) the best thing i can get out of life is knowing iam diffrent then the next person.
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Old 20th April 2005, 06:41   #28
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Yah I know what you mean.
I wasn't really saying my life was boring, more just, umm, making jest I suppose.

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Old 20th April 2005, 06:57   #29
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nat_roy
Yah I know what you mean.
I wasn't really saying my life was boring, more just, umm, making jest I suppose.
what can i say, i type alot when i drink

i didnt mean you thought that, just meant that i think about my life in comparison to others, waht you said maid me thing about it, i always do. i think others (not trying to feel alone here) do to.

what i meant is everyting is intresting, its just who finds it intresting.
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