Old 28th March 2005, 14:34   #1
ertmann|CPH
Forum Viking
(Forum King)
 
ertmann|CPH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The North
Posts: 3,541
engrish help

One of my friends have just build this small Hotel on Bali, Indonesia, and have entrusted me with the English translation of the flyer for the Hotel, god riddance, me? well I've done my best.

Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in the center of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

The friendly and hospitable staff will do there very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.
Could you native speakers, be so kind as to as to check grammar, spelling, choice of words etc. so English speaking guests won't burst at laughing when they read the flyer?

Last edited by ertmann|CPH; 28th March 2005 at 14:51.
ertmann|CPH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 14:37   #2
Mr Jones
Nothing to say...
 
Mr Jones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,064
Might wanna change 'The friendly and hospital staff '
To
'The friendly and hospitable staff '

Unless you are planning on offering some medical facilities as well

Other than that, my copy of words spits this out with a spell/grammer check, few spell errors, couple of grammer changes.

Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in the centre of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

The friendly and hospitable staff will do there very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunity for a variety of exciting activities.
Mr Jones is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 14:39   #3
Phyltre
Forum King
 
Phyltre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Freefall
Posts: 2,751
Send a message via AIM to Phyltre Send a message via Yahoo to Phyltre
1. either air conditionING or fan.

2. "Lovina ON Northern Bali" is a regional statement, many english speakers do no say that one place being in another is "on" it.

3. friendly and hospitABLE

4."will have A pleasant and eventful stay" is better, although some English speakers will interpret "eventful" negatively (it sounds foreboding.) a better phrase would be "will have a pleasant and enjoyable stay."
Phyltre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 14:39   #4
ertmann|CPH
Forum Viking
(Forum King)
 
ertmann|CPH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The North
Posts: 3,541
haha, cheers

Quote:
Originally posted by Phyltre
1. either air conditionING or fan.

2. "Lovina ON Northern Bali" is a regional statement, many english speakers do no say that one place being in another is "on" it.

3. friendly and hospitABLE

4."will have A pleasant and eventful stay" is better, although some English speakers will interpret "eventful" negatively (it sounds foreboding.) a better phrase would be "will have a pleasant and enjoyable stay."
the On is probably danglish, as we allways refer to locations on an island as 'on', how would you suggest i wrote it instead?

regarding the eventful that is what the original says, anyone else have any thoughts on this?
ertmann|CPH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 14:46   #5
zootm
Forum King
 
zootm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: the nether reaches of bonnie scotland
Posts: 13,375
Should probably be "the opportunity" (or maybe "opportunities") near the end there.

zootm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 15:04   #6
ertmann|CPH
Forum Viking
(Forum King)
 
ertmann|CPH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The North
Posts: 3,541
Ok, forgot translate 'a quite area', with that and your corrections, this is how it looks now

Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in quiet area near the center of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

The friendly and hospitable staff will do their very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.
im not sure how to write that phrase without on, and anyone else who agree that 'eventful' is a negative choice of words?

Last edited by ertmann|CPH; 28th March 2005 at 15:37.
ertmann|CPH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 15:18   #7
Evil Lu
Forum Maitresse
 
Evil Lu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: I'm hiding under your bed
Posts: 2,974
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in quiet area near the center of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

The friendly and hospitable staff will do their very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.

That is now in correct English
Evil Lu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 15:24   #8
Troll Killer
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Villa Jaya is a small and charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and air conditioning or fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in a quiet area near the center of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

Our friendly and hospitable staff will do their very best to ensure that you will have a pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.


/Edit 3!
Troll Killer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 16:22   #9
k_rock923
\m/
(Forum King)
 
k_rock923's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: /bin/bash
Posts: 7,850
Send a message via AIM to k_rock923
If you combine the versions in this thread, you have it correct. I'll take your originial and point out people's correct changes point by point, ignoring the ignorant ones.




Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either an air conditioning or a fan.
There should be articles in front of them. While it is probably not gramatically wrong the way you had it, it is not good style.

Quote:
The Hotel is conveniently located in the center of Lovina on Northern Bali; only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.
There should not be a semicolon there. A semicolon is only used to join two independent clauses. Try changing it to 'and is only'.


Quote:
The friendly and hospitable staff will do there very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.
There isn't really a need to say 'that you will have' in the first sentence. Changing it to 'that you have', sounds better in my opinion. Again, this is your choice as it isn't technically wrong the first way.

The other thing in that block to change is the form of there that you are using. It should be 'their', which represents possesion.

Hopefully this is helpful, although if you want to make it true English style, you should just leave all the errors.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
k_rock923 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 16:53   #10
beanboy89
(Major Dude)
isn't very custom
 
beanboy89's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 2,004
Quote:
Originally posted by k_rock923
Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either an air conditioning or a fan.
In the selection, "either an air conditioning or a fan." I'm thinking that you should add "unit" to the text, take out an, or replace with "an air conditioner."

Version 1:
Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or a fan.
Version 2:
Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either an air conditioning unit or a fan.
Version 3:
Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either an air conditioner or a fan.
beanboy89 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 17:00   #11
papadoc
Comfortably Numb
(Forum King)
 
papadoc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 4,612
ertmann|CPH, I took this to one of our writers and here's what she suggested.
Not much changed, because she thought it was well written.

The first paragraph is fine, no changes are necessary.
The second paragraph should read:
"The friendly and hospitable staff will do their very best to ensure that you will have a pleasant and eventful stay, with opportunities for a variety of exciting activities"

Hope that helps.
papadoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 18:45   #12
Troll Killer
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 50
@ertmann|CPH:

I would disregard the 'advice' from k_rock923, that's if you can understand it and you don't want your friends to sound like morons.
Troll Killer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 18:47   #13
k_rock923
\m/
(Forum King)
 
k_rock923's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: /bin/bash
Posts: 7,850
Send a message via AIM to k_rock923
Troll Killer, please leave your immaturity in the other thread.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
k_rock923 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 18:52   #14
LuigiHann
Forum King
 
LuigiHann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: 80's Japan
Posts: 3,436
Send a message via AIM to LuigiHann
I think of the 3 options beanboy mentioned, "an air conditioner" sounds most natural.


Who is the milkman? What is the purpose of the goggles?
LuigiHann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 18:54   #15
k_rock923
\m/
(Forum King)
 
k_rock923's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: /bin/bash
Posts: 7,850
Send a message via AIM to k_rock923
Did I really write 'an air conditioning'? Woah.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
k_rock923 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 19:06   #16
Troll Killer
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 50
"Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel": This has to be "small, charming" or "small and charming"

"either air conditioning or fan.": There is no need for "either", why restate the obvious?

"The friendly and hospitable staff": Using "The" makes it sound as though it's a 3rd party giving a review. Use "Our" to make it sound like the owners are saying this.
Troll Killer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 21:23   #17
ertmann|CPH
Forum Viking
(Forum King)
 
ertmann|CPH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: The North
Posts: 3,541
boy this is getting rather confusing, didn't know my English was that bad

i very much appriciate all the input, but adding unit just doesn't sound right to me, especially considering most hotels in Asia simply refer to it as aircon
ertmann|CPH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 21:25   #18
k_rock923
\m/
(Forum King)
 
k_rock923's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: /bin/bash
Posts: 7,850
Send a message via AIM to k_rock923
It isn't. What's happening is that everyone writes and speaks slightly differently and most of what people are saying is gramatically correct. Everyone is disagreeing on style. Most of what you said was gramatically correct as well.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
k_rock923 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 21:40   #19
Cognition
Some Random Guy
(Major Dude)
 
Cognition's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: NZ
Posts: 1,244
You could just write "either air conditioning or a fan", you don't actually need an "an" unless you write it "an air conditioner" which is probably just more proper.

I'd also insert a comma at the start, but that's being picky.

"Villa Jaya is a small, charming hotel"
[edit]Didn't see Troll Killer already said this, oops. And someone already said about air conditioning too, double oops. Well, I agree with them.[/edit]
Cognition is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 22:23   #20
Russ
Mostly Harmless
(Alumni)
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 2,319
You want to say air conditioning as the concept, not an air conditioner as the object.

Formal English is all about nit-picking, post the whole thing as it is at the moment - I used to proof-read stuff a lot. It's an annoying habit to have .

For long you live and high you fly, but only if you ride the tide, and balanced on the biggest wave you race towards an early grave.
|Musicbrainz|Audioscrobbler|last.fm|
Russ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 23:03   #21
Vie
Forum King
 
Vie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Thoron fields and Duranium shadows. Posts: Crap mostly
Posts: 8,001
Re: engrish help

Quote:
Originally posted by ertmann|CPH
the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.
the dolphin statue in Lovina Square.

is better.

Member most in need of SpellCheck Lifetime Achievement Award

I'm a Twitch Streamer these days, it's weird.
Vie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th March 2005, 23:13   #22
Russ
Mostly Harmless
(Alumni)
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 2,319
You can talk .

(I bet you knew that was coming)

For long you live and high you fly, but only if you ride the tide, and balanced on the biggest wave you race towards an early grave.
|Musicbrainz|Audioscrobbler|last.fm|
Russ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 00:02   #23
Vie
Forum King
 
Vie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Thoron fields and Duranium shadows. Posts: Crap mostly
Posts: 8,001
Yes, and I'm looking forward to April 29th (You title).

Member most in need of SpellCheck Lifetime Achievement Award

I'm a Twitch Streamer these days, it's weird.
Vie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 00:47   #24
squakMix
wwwyzzerdd
(Forum King)
 
squakMix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 3,458
Re: engrish help

Sounds good overall, but there are a few spelling errors and such that I'd change. here are the corrections I'd make

Quote:
Villa Jaya is a small charming hotel featuring six spacious double rooms, each equipped with hot water and either air conditioning or a fan. The Hotel is conveniently located in the center of Lovina on Northern Bali, only a few minutes walk from the beach and the dolphin statue on Lovina Square.

The friendly and hospitable staff will do their very best to ensure that you will have pleasant and eventful stay, full of opportunities for a variety of exciting activities.
AGH - Does anyone (beside me and k_rock923) actually know how to use SEMI-Colons!?

The last sentence doesn't sound quite right, But it's fine.
squakMix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 01:49   #25
Phyltre
Forum King
 
Phyltre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Freefall
Posts: 2,751
Send a message via AIM to Phyltre Send a message via Yahoo to Phyltre
I can use semi-colons rather easily but I rarely correct their use simply because rules concerning their use are vague in practice.
Phyltre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 02:17   #26
pixiefied
Mother Trucker
 
pixiefied's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: in the forest
Posts: 3,520
Send a message via Yahoo to pixiefied
ah what the hell...

just tell them the roof leaks,shitty service,infested with roaches,air conditoner only works when you got the overhead fan running cuz its on its last leg and we overcharge your stay.

"Well, got to love you and leave you, need to go get into the shower and rub my hard naked body all over with soapy bubbles, I'll be back later to carry on playing....

It'll take you some time to get over the image of me naked in the shower......mind you don't masturbate to hard thinking about it...."
- Mr.Jones
pixiefied is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 02:58   #27
LuigiHann
Forum King
 
LuigiHann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: 80's Japan
Posts: 3,436
Send a message via AIM to LuigiHann
Semicolons have strict rules; people just rarely observe them.


Who is the milkman? What is the purpose of the goggles?
LuigiHann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 03:12   #28
Phyltre
Forum King
 
Phyltre's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Freefall
Posts: 2,751
Send a message via AIM to Phyltre Send a message via Yahoo to Phyltre
Yes. And I subscribe to the idea that definition is determined by use and not vice versa.
Phyltre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 03:31   #29
LuigiHann
Forum King
 
LuigiHann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: 80's Japan
Posts: 3,436
Send a message via AIM to LuigiHann
Well then I'll just use it; wherever I want.


Who is the milkman? What is the purpose of the goggles?
LuigiHann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 03:39   #30
squakMix
wwwyzzerdd
(Forum King)
 
squakMix's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 3,458
hahaha
squakMix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 14:19   #31
Troll Killer
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Quote:
ah what the hell...

just tell them the roof leaks,shitty service,infested with roaches,air conditoner only works when you got the overhead fan running cuz its on its last leg and we overcharge your stay.
/Please refrain from flaming other members on this forum, if you can't have a civil discussion, then don't bother. And it's not funny anyway.
Troll Killer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2005, 15:03   #32
pixiefied
Mother Trucker
 
pixiefied's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: in the forest
Posts: 3,520
Send a message via Yahoo to pixiefied
i'll do what i please.. so go away.
[edit who is this moron? someone wanna check his ip?

"Well, got to love you and leave you, need to go get into the shower and rub my hard naked body all over with soapy bubbles, I'll be back later to carry on playing....

It'll take you some time to get over the image of me naked in the shower......mind you don't masturbate to hard thinking about it...."
- Mr.Jones
pixiefied is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Go Back   Winamp & Shoutcast Forums > Community Center > General Discussions

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump