Old 5th December 2002, 20:57   #1
pixiefied
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twas the night before christmas....x rated

twas the night before christmas....x rated

'twas the night before christmas,and god it was neat
the kids were both gone,and my wife was in heat.
the doors were all bolted,and the phone off the hook
it was time for some nooky,by hook or by crook.
ma-ma in her teddy,and i in the nude
had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
when out on the lawn arouse such a cry,
that i lost my boner and poor ma-ma went dry.
up to the window i sprang like an elf
tore back the shade while she played with herself.
the moon on the crest of the snowman we built
we'd shoved a broom up his,clean up to the hilt.
when what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
with a little fat driver,half out of his sled
and a sock in his ear ,and bra on his head.
sure as i'm speaking,he was high as a kite.
and he yelled to his team,but it didn't sound right.
"whoa shithead,whoa asshole,whoa stupid and putz,
either slow down this rig or i'll cut off your nuts!!!!!
look out for that lamp post,don't hit the tree
quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause i gotta go pee".
they cleared the old lamp post,the tree got a rub,
just as santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub
and then from the roof,heard such a clatter,
as each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
i was donning my jacket to cover my ass
when down the chimney santa came wth a crash.
his suit was all smelly with perfume galore
he looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
"that was some brothel," he said with a smile
"the reindeer are pooped,so i'll just stay a while,"
he walked to the kitchen,himself poured a drink
then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
i started to laugh,my wife smiled with glee
cuz the old boy was hung clear to the knee.
back in the den,santa reached in his sack
but the toys were all gone,and some new things were packed
the first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
the next was a handgun with a penis that spits
a box filled with condoms was santas next find,
and six pair of panties,the edible kind.
a bra without nipples,a penis extension,
and several other things i shouldn't mention.
a cock ring,a g-string and all types of oil,
a dildo so long,it lay in a coil.
"this stuff aint for kids,mrs. santa will shit
so i'll leave'em all here,and then just split."
he filled every stocking and then took his leave
with one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
he sprang to his sleigh,but his feet were like lead.
thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
saying..."take me home rudolph,this night's been a bitch."
the sleigh was near gone when i heard santa shout,
"the best thing about sex is that it never wears out."





/ im giving santa cheese!

"Well, got to love you and leave you, need to go get into the shower and rub my hard naked body all over with soapy bubbles, I'll be back later to carry on playing....

It'll take you some time to get over the image of me naked in the shower......mind you don't masturbate to hard thinking about it...."
- Mr.Jones
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Old 5th December 2002, 21:02   #2
J. Burnaway
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Re: twas the night before christmas....x rated

Quote:
Originally posted by pixiefied
/ im giving santa cheese!
Hmm, what kind? "Head" cheese perhaps?
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Old 5th December 2002, 21:03   #3
pixiefied
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cheese balls

"Well, got to love you and leave you, need to go get into the shower and rub my hard naked body all over with soapy bubbles, I'll be back later to carry on playing....

It'll take you some time to get over the image of me naked in the shower......mind you don't masturbate to hard thinking about it...."
- Mr.Jones
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Old 5th December 2002, 21:04   #4
Widdykats
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Re: Re: twas the night before christmas....x rated

Quote:
Originally posted by J. Burnaway

Hmm, what kind? "Head" cheese perhaps?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! oh great and sick poem pixie!!
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Old 5th December 2002, 21:05   #5
sandb937
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that was pretty funny. oh oh my turn!!!!!!

Money's Short
Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking
Christmas Card


Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse


mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass


when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter


then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick


He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old fucker fell


he filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer


he rose up the chimney
with a thuderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart


he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have a good night


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 5th December 2002, 21:07   #6
Widdykats
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That's The Kind Of Spirit We Like To See!
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Old 5th December 2002, 21:18   #7
AjStone
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/me laughs my ass off!!

NOW I'm in the Christmas spirit!
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