Old 20th August 2000, 18:46   #1
Jayn
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I'm sick....*sniffle* I think I have the flu....so somebody please tell me a joke to cheer me up

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Old 20th August 2000, 21:22   #2
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Three guys, a Russian, a Mexican, and a Texan are riding
their horses through the desert. They come upon an oasis
and decide to stop for the night. Sitting around the
campfire, the Russian gets up and goes to his horse. He
pulls a bottle of Absolute Vodka out of his sattlebag.
Then he breaks the seal on it, downs a gulp, and smashes
the bottle on the rocks. He says, "There is plenty of
Vodka in Mother Russia."
The Mexican, not to be out-done by the Russian, goes to
his horse. He pulls out a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold,
breaks the seal on it, and downs a gulp. He then throws
the bottle against the rocks and says, "We have lots of
Jose Cuervo Gold in Mexico."
The Texan, not to be out-done by the other two, gets up
and walks over to his horse. He pulls out a bottle of
Jack Black, breaks the seal on it, and downs half the
bottle. He then puts the bottle back in the sattlebag,
spins around, pops the Mexican in the forehead with his
revolver and says, "We have plenty of Mexicans in
Texas."

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Old 20th August 2000, 23:58   #3
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What do ya call a lesbian with large hands?

WELL HUNG!

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Old 21st August 2000, 02:10   #4
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Q: what has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?

A: Half a cat (kitten)

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Old 21st August 2000, 02:43   #5
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HEY! YOU CHANGE THAT TO DOG OR PUPPY OR ELSE BITCH!
anyway..
what's teh difference between ooh and ahh?
about 4 inches
(i know corny so shut up! bitch)


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Old 21st August 2000, 03:28   #6
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Here's an old one for ya:

Did you know that Monica Lewinsky wrote a book? It's called 'A Taste Of Power'.

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Old 21st August 2000, 03:48   #7
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ROFL! You guys are makin' me feel alot better!
Why do Canadian girls use hockey pucks instead of tampons?

Because hockey pucks last for 3 periods

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Old 22nd August 2000, 01:57   #8
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Why can't Helen Keller have any children?
Because she's dead.

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Old 22nd August 2000, 03:32   #9
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Ugh... Ubb sukz. Oh well.

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again." The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem." Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At 6:30 am sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am."


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Old 22nd August 2000, 04:21   #10
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Ewwww...
How do you get 4 blondes on 1 barstool?

Turn it upside down.


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Old 22nd August 2000, 05:22   #11
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Hear about the blonde who died at the Drive-in theater? She was there to see "closed for the season"!

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Old 23rd August 2000, 12:34   #12
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What does a blonde do when she gets up?
She goes home

That stool joke reminds me of -
What did the gay say to other gay at the bar?
Here- let me push up your stool.

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Old 23rd August 2000, 16:36   #13
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How can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?

There are empty M&M shells on the kitchen floor

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Old 24th August 2000, 09:43   #14
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I didn't know they had that much manual dexterity...

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Old 24th August 2000, 15:07   #15
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Three men walk into a bar. Thae last one ducks his head and doesn't get hit.

Is that lame-o or what?
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Old 24th August 2000, 21:48   #16
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Yep. I give that a 7 on the Lame-o-meter.

How do you make a dog meow? You bash it on the head with a frying pan, stick it in the freezer for a few days, then run it through a bandsaw. MMMMEEEEEOOOOOWWWW!

I know that was kinda sick, but hey, I thought it was funny.

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Old 25th August 2000, 06:52   #17
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Sgtfuzz....that was sick...but this one's worse
What's the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market

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Old 25th August 2000, 17:36   #18
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image forming in mind..... eww.

Q:What did the gay say to the gay when he
say a condom floating in the pool?
A:OK- who farted?

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Old 25th August 2000, 21:32   #19
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You people are sick! Hehe... Yeah! My kinda forums!

Two condoms were walking down the street. They come across a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Hey, you wanna go get shit-faced?"

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Old 27th August 2000, 23:13   #20
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There are two guys sitting in a bar talking about sex. One guys says:"Do you talk to your wife while your having sex?" Says the other guy:"IMPOSSIBLE! There's no phone in my bedroom!"

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Old 28th August 2000, 00:44   #21
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Heres a bloody offensive one.

"What do you call a swimming pool full of disabled people?"

"vegetable soup"

Now here is a slightly sick one.

A man is driving home one night, and see a sign saying "Get a blow job while haveing your favourite tune whistled to you" So he pulls over, and goes in.
When he goes to the room, the light is switched off, and a seductive voice asks him what tune he woul like. He replies "Neighbours". He has a great blow job, and the tune is whistled perfectly.
The next night, he goes in, and the woman asks which tune he would like, so he replies Eastenders. Again, he has a great blow job, and the tune is perfect.
The next night, he takes a torch, as he would like to know the womans secret. The woman asks him what tune, he says "Coronation Street" and off they go. Halfway through, he switches on the torch, and notices a glass eye rolling in the corner...

Lame.

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Old 28th August 2000, 05:55   #22
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Hehe... Good one.

There are three surgeons talking about what kinds of patients are the best to operate on. The first says that he likes to operate on librarians. He says "When you open them up, everything inside is in alphabetical order." The second surgeon says that he likes to operate on electricians. He says "When you open them up, everything inside is color-coded." The third surgeon says that he likes to operate on lawyers. He says "They're spineless, heartless, gutless, and full of shit."

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[edit: Eye n33D hUkt 0n F0nix.]

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Old 28th August 2000, 09:44   #23
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"A couple is taking a trip from the icy streets of Canada to Florida, but the wife is delayed with work. The man arrives safely and decides to send an email to his wife, but cant remember her email. He tries to guess it, but unfortunately he gets one letter off and sends it to the wife of a recently deceased preacher. The email says: 'Dear loving wife, I just checked in. Everythings prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.'"


"One day Bill Gates goes to hell (like we all knew he would). For being so indiscriminately evil, the devil lets him pick which torture chamber to spend eternity in. So he leads Bill to the first room, which is a giant room filled with man-eating lions killing people over and over forever. Bill Gates says 'I'll pass'. So the devil shows Bill the second chamber, which is a big pit filled with lava with people hanging over it with chains, burning up. Bill also passes this one too. So Satan shows Bill the last room, a small room with a bottle of wine, a sexy, naked girl tied to a chair, and a computer in the corner. Bill Gates quickly takes it. Then the devil's apprentice comes over and asks him why he gave Bill the best room. Satan laughs 'The bottle of wine has a hole in it, the girl doesnt, and the computer is stuck on Windows NT and missing three keys: Control, Alt, and Delete'" (Yeah I know corny, but funny for most geeks

Hope no one is completely offeneded heh heh :P

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Old 29th August 2000, 19:18   #24
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this one's bad

A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion
wine before hand and had to piss really bad. So when the next guy was
done with his confession the priest asked him, "Would you mind sitting
in for me while I piss?"
The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest
showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go along
with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under control.
The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Mary's, Rosaries
and everything was going good. Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me
Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."
So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it.
He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but couldn't
find a penance.
So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a
blowjob?"
To which the kid replied, "He usually gives us two candy bars and a
soda pop."

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Old 30th August 2000, 13:12   #25
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I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't get this one...funniest thing I've ever heard...


This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss his ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, he'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shakedown?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do what ever wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has he given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and he kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.' "

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the shit of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss his ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl's got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for your self."

John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on "From the desk of Karl" letterhead. There were eleven items listed:

From the desk of: KARL
1. Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't drink.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the shit out of you.


Me: "This would appear to be written on Karl's Letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hanks says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't Drink,' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from outer of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic. That's no different from saying 'Hank's right because he says he's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking!"

Me: "But... oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary looks positively stricken.

John: (yelling) "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary sticks her fingers in her ears: "I am not listening to this. La la la la la la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary faints.

John: "Well, if I knew you where one of those, I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you, I'll be there counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.



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Old 30th August 2000, 21:52   #26
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Hehe... That's great!


A hillbilly family from deep in the hills was visiting the city and they were in a shopping mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, what's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) said, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life. I ain't got no idea'r what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the old lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a beautiful, 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, quick, go git yo mamma....."

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Old 30th August 2000, 21:57   #27
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Where's that one from, Teufel? Also, am I missing an analogy with the part about sauerkraut with chopped up wieners?
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Old 31st August 2000, 00:18   #28
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Knock Knock
"Whos there"
Doctor
"Doctor Who?"

You just said it

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Old 31st August 2000, 02:52   #29
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A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal that read, “Rich widow looking for man to share life and fortune with the following qualifications: 1. Won’t beat me up, 2. Won’t run away, and 3. Has to be great in bed.” For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell rang constantly, and she received tons of mail but none of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang and she opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, “Who are you and what do you want?” “Hi ,” said the man. “Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I’ve got no arms, so I can’t beat you up and I’ve got no legs, so I can’t run away.” The old woman asked, “What makes you think you’re so great in bed?" To which he replied, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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Old 31st August 2000, 03:48   #30
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Hilary Clinton died and went to heaven. When she arrived at the pearly gates and was met by St. Peter, she noticed a huge wall filled with clocks, all of the clocks displaying different times. She asked St. Peter why the clocks all had different times. St. Peter told her that there was a clock on the wall for each person on earth, and the number of minutes ticked off on each clock represented how many lies that person had told. Hilary noticed a clock that showed 12:00 and asked St. Peter "who's clock is that with no time gone from it", St. Peter replied that was Abraham Lincoln's clock, he never told a lie. She noticed another clock with no time gone and again asked whose clock it was. St. Peter told her that was Mother Theresa's clock, she never told a lie. Hilary then asked "if everyone on earth has a clock here, where is Bill's clock? St. Peter replied "Oh...God has that one up in his office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."

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Old 1st September 2000, 01:01   #31
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I like it!

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Old 1st September 2000, 21:48   #32
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(I got this one a while back...)


Microsoft vs. GM -


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."

Recently, General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

And...

1. Every time they reprinted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart, and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to reinstall the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car95 or CarNT. But, then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would build a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades for their cars, which would make them run much slower.

7. The oil, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single 'general car default' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butts.

9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

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Old 1st September 2000, 21:51   #33
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hahahahaha....I love that


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Old 2nd September 2000, 02:55   #34
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I would like to state that a PC with Linux running (fuck microsoft) would run just as reliably, if not moreso, than a Macintosh. I still miss dos, tho'.
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Old 3rd September 2000, 00:06   #35
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"Thank God it's not Friday"
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why
so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun
down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink.
Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We
drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over
the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie.
You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette,
poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.
You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big
bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You
can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow, the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I
never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."


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Lost nearly 500 posts on August 15th.
They answer to the name of Chev's posts.
Any info please E-mail me elchevelle@hotmail.com
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Old 3rd September 2000, 02:46   #36
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One day an engineer died and found himself at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asked for his name, and after he gave it to him, Saint Peter replied "nope, sorry, you're supposed to be in hell".
So the engineer wound up in hell. Immediately displeased with the comfort level in hell, the engineer started designing and building all kinds of things - air conditioners, widescreen TVs, things like that, so the engineer became a pretty popular guy.
One day God called the Devil up on the telephone. "how's it going down there in hell?" he said with a snicker.
"Oh it's great! We just got an engineer and he's been building air conditioners and all sorts of things down here."
"Wait, that's not right, he's not supposed to be down there, that guy was supposed to be up here in heaven. Send him back."
"No way. I rather like having an engineer on my staff."
"Send him back or i'll sue."
"Right. and exactly WHERE are you going to get a lawyer?"
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Old 3rd September 2000, 12:49   #37
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Bob really needed a drink but the closest bar was a gay bar. "What the hell," he thought, "just this once," so he enters and asks the bartender for a Bud.
The bartender says, "I'll give you a beer, but only if you tell me the name of your dick"
"What!" said Bob
The bartender said, "just think up a name"
So Bob asks the guy beside him, "Hey buddy, what's the name of your cock?"
The gay guy says "Chevy, cuz it's like a rock"
Bob is really freaked out by this point, but he ask the guy sitting on the other side what the name of his dick is.
The other gay guy answers, "Timex, because it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin' "
The bartender asks Bob again for the name of his dick, so Bob says "Secret"
"Why's that?" asks the bartender
"Cuz it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman"


A midget walks into a gym and tells the strongest guy there, "I bet you $1000 that I can wheelbarrow something down the street that you can't"
Everyone in the gym laughs because they all know the tough guy is at least 30x stronger than the midget, so the guy says, "your on"
The midget pulls out a wheel barrow and says, "Get in"


Superman is flying across the city when he sees Wonderwoman lying naked on a rooftop. He thinks to himself, " mann I really need to let my load off", so he swoops down and bangs her like crazy and then flys off. Just then, the Invisible Man crawls out from under Wonderwoman and says, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"


You won't get the next one unless your a Canuck

Two guys are walking through the forest, a Quebecer and a Torontonian when they meet a genie.
"I will grant you one wish each"
the frenchie asks the genie to build a wall around Quebec so nothing can get in and nothing can get out.
"Your wish is granted" and poof, there was a wall around Quebec
"What do you wish?" the genie asked the Torontonian
"Make it rain in Quebec for a year"


An Italian, a German and a blond are sitting on the girders of a bridge their building for lunch. The Italian opens his lunch box and sees spaghetti.

"I swear, if I get spaghetti one more time, I'll jump off the bridge"

The German opens his lunch box and sees sausages. "I swear, if I get sausages one more time, I'll jump off the bridge"

The blond opens her lunch box and sees ham and cheese. "I swear, if I get ham and cheese one more time, I'll jump off the bridge"

The next day at lunch, the get spaghetti, sausages and ham and cheese, so they all jump off and die.

At the funeral, the Italian's wife sobs, "If only I knew, I would have made Tony something else". the Germann's wife sobs, "If only I knew, I would have made Gunther something else".

The blonds's husband says, "But I don't understand, Mary always packed her own lunch."

A police officer is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees a car with it's windows all fogged up. When he looks inside, he sees the guy reading the newspaper and the girl knitting in the back. The police officer asks, "What are you doing?"

The boy replies, "Waiting for her 18th birthday"


It's graduation day at the dojo, so the sensai asks for the graduates to demonstrate their new skills before he hands them their diploma and black belt. He hands the first graduate a sword and releases a fly. The first graduate makes one swing, and the fly falls to the ground in two pieces. The sensai congratulates him and gives him a black belt.

He gives the second graduate a sword and releases another fly. The graduate swings the sword twice, and the fly falls to the ground in three pieces. The sensai congratulates him and hands him the black belt.

The sensai gives the third graduate a sword and releases a fly. The graduate swings three times, and the fly buzzes away.
"You didn't kill the fly," the sensai says dissapointedly
"Maybe not," replies the graduate, "but he'ln never be able to have kids"
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Old 4th September 2000, 00:01   #38
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The golden rule to remember about STD prevention is that a bird in the hand is worth one in the bush.

Children in the front seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause children.
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Old 4th September 2000, 03:28   #39
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Henry Ford died and went to Heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention - mass produced cars on a conveyor belt assembly line - has changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I'd like to hangout with God himself." The befeathered guy at the gates took Ford to the throne room and introduced him to God. Ford then asks, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women?"

God said, "Well, yes."

"Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your invention."

1. there's too much front end protrusion.

2.it chatters at high speeds.

3. maintenance is very costly.

4. it constantly needs repainting and refinishing.

5. it is out of commission 5 or 6 days out of every 28.

6. the rear end wobbles too much.

7. the intake is too close to the exhaust.


"Hmmm.....," said God. "Hold on." God then went to the celestial supercomputer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper.

"It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!"

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Old 4th September 2000, 03:51   #40
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