Old 13th February 2001, 03:38   #1
tjb2004
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Here's all I could think of besides the coffin and the lipstick ones:[list=1][*]Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
[*]Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
[*]Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
[*]Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
[*]Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
[*]If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
[*]Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
[*]Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
[*]How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
[*]If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
[*]If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
[*]If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
[*]If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
[*]If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
[*]You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
[*]Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
[*]Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
[*]Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
[*]Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
[*]You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
[*]Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
[*]If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
[*]Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
[*]If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
[*]Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
[*]Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
[*]Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
[*]If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
[*]Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
[*]Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
[*]Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
[*]Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
[*]Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
[*]If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
[*]Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
[*]How can someone "draw a blank"?
[*]Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
[*]Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
[*]Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
[*]What is another word for "thesaurus"?
[*]When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
[*]If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
[*]Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
[*]Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
[*]Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
[*]Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
[*]Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
[*]Does a fish get cramps after eating?
[*]Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
[*]Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
[*]What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
[*]How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
[*]Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
[*]Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
[*]Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?[/list=1]
Got any more?
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Old 13th February 2001, 03:40   #2
lunarboy1
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man.. after reading that i feel like just putting an end to my misery . U have too much time to be worrying about that shit
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Old 13th February 2001, 03:41   #3
tjb2004
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lol, I copied most of it.
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Old 13th February 2001, 07:47   #4
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[*]Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What do you plan to do after you've 'chuted to the water below? Float on your chute?
[*]Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
They don't. Fat chance means the opposite to slim chance, it's just that "fat chance" is almost always used sarcastically - "Yeah, fat chance that'll happen. Not." See?
[*]If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
a) You don't, you need proof of age.
b) Got a pushbike handy? Anyways, cars are easier to operate drunk than pushies.
[*]Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
No. You need a high-powered, automatic, self-aiming weapon. Those suckers are tricky.
[*]Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
You could say that..
[*]If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
The cat would split in two along its horizontal axis, the buttered (top) half would invert and land butter-side down, and the bottom half would land on its (considerably bloodied) feet.
[*]If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
The beams reach back into the cabin and electrocute you.
[*]You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Take it somewhere else, and hope that by the time you get there, the label has worn off.
[*]Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Blind people can drive can't they? I've come across quite a few people who were obviously taught to drive by Stevie Wonder.
[*]Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
We're stoopid.
[*]Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
To annoy you.
[*]Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Now you're just being silly.
[*]You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
It's a bit hard to dis/embark through seamwelded lead.
[*]Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't.
[*]Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
It isn't.
[*]If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Instant.
[*]Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
It's a set of components. Take out the fuses, and you'd have a TV-semi-set.
[*]Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
a) Mine don't.
b) Variety is the spice of life, and your apendages know this.
[*]If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Yes.
[*]Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Both actions involving "sitting".
[*]Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
I call them builts.
[*]Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
It goes tasty.
[*]If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Yes.
[*]Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Cos.
[*]How can someone "draw a blank"?
Like this:
[*]Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Habit.
[*]What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Vocabularybook.
[*]When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Precious China plates.
[*]If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
You'll get injured twice - once 5 miles from home, and once again 5 miles from your new home. Nature knows what you're thinking.
[*]Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
It sounds very onomatopoetic to me.
[*]Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
They (usually) don't. They tug them.
[*]Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
We're insane.
[*]Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
If they were called "sits" they'd probably be very flat and provide poor visibility.
[*]Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
They're showing Microsoft how it's done.
[*]Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Only if they go for a swim. If not, no. They just die.
[*]Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Near = close. Close miss = just missed. Close hit = just hit.
[*]What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Banzai!
[*]How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
Groups can help themselves.
[*]Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
You think that if you fell out of a plane (without a chute) you'd be more worried when you hit the ground? Anticipation's the killer. (SLK: *nudge*wink* )
[*]Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
It isn't named after a chick's rack. It's from the Italain busto - a sculpture.
[*]Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Cos it's after the onset of dark(ness).

Got any more?
Yes.

pedantic is my 3rd middle name.

"My heart hates uggos." –J.D.
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Old 13th February 2001, 09:23   #5
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Why is it this thread sounds like a Gallagher special? Minus the Sledge-O-Matic.
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Old 13th February 2001, 09:31   #6
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Because.. I'm lame?

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Old 13th February 2001, 20:47   #7
tjb2004
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lol jaz.
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:09   #8
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Well.... my life is complete now.
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:12   #9
Bilbo Baggins
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Doggnabit.

Why can't I lick my balls?
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:14   #10
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That's for you to find out and for me to never know...
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:16   #11
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I second:
Quote:
Originally posted by sgtfuzzbubble99
That's for you to find out and for me to never know...
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:19   #12
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Yeah, and Dr. ****** can't figure it out...
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:19   #13
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retard tjb

Quote:
Originally posted by tjb2004
[*]You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
The aiplane would be too heavy
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:23   #14
tjb2004
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Quote:
Originally posted by jakeledel
Quote:
Originally posted by tjb2004
[*]You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
The aiplane would be too heavy
They would make the wings bigger thus creating more lift. By the looks of it, I'm not the retarded one here.
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:26   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by tjb2004
[list=1][*]Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
For the same reason the word "bed" is short and hard.
And the same reason the word "sex" is short and harsh.
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:29   #16
tjb2004
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Quote:
Originally posted by Radioactive Man
Quote:
Originally posted by tjb2004
[list=1][*]Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
For the same reason the word "bed" is short and hard.
And the same reason the word "sex" is short and harsh.
..........
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:46   #17
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Quote:
And the same reason the word "sex" is short and harsh.
That's because you're not saying it right.
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Old 13th February 2001, 21:47   #18
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Re: Doggnabit.

Quote:
Originally posted by Bilbo Baggins
Why can't I lick my balls?
THAT would make you homoflexible!
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Old 13th February 2001, 23:24   #19
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ok, here's one: why is the bathroom, the one room in a house where you have to spend so much of your day so BADLY designed?
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Old 13th February 2001, 23:47   #20
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Who's bathroom are you spending so much time in and why?...
Uh...... Don't answer that.
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Old 14th February 2001, 00:12   #21
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Quote:
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

Precious China plates.
lol...
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Old 14th February 2001, 02:08   #22
iomegajaz
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<bart> I please to aim. </bart>

"My heart hates uggos." –J.D.
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Old 14th February 2001, 03:19   #23
Huehuetenango
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Quote:
Originally posted by sgtfuzzbubble99
Who's bathroom are you spending so much time in and why?...
Uh...... Don't answer that.
well, my girlfriends parents keep coming home at the wrong time and..., no, uh, let's see, what room do you have to use AT least once a day, you know, morning stuff,
ever thought about how damned uncomfortable a toilet is for something you HAVE to use?
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Old 14th February 2001, 03:52   #24
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Hmm, suddenly reminded of Survivor.
"...This is what you'd call the flight recorder of Flight 2039. The black box, people call it, even though it's orange..."
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Old 14th February 2001, 03:59   #25
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Someone once said that nothing's impossible, but if that's true then it would be impossible for something to be impossible... if you take may meaning.
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Old 14th February 2001, 14:01   #26
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Contuary to modern belief the Black boxes on planes are not indestructable, are infact orange, and there are many distributed around the plane (some are back ups and some preform the same function ie copies)
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Old 14th February 2001, 20:59   #27
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here is what I can answer ....

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?


Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Highway to Hell ?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Lets combine the two.......

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
They need the insurance money

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
sarcasim

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
they dont care about laws, drunks have to park somewhere

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
only if there are non-mimes arounds

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
it would be nice

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
what dont thinlk he can afford his own vehicle?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
holidays

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
only if it was drinking milk. do coes laugh ?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
superglue sticks to it, and manythings do.

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
lets find out .... O' FLUFFY......

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
you cant see shit ahead of you....

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
take a step away and open

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
if you need to prcactice braile

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
retards that name shit

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
to annoy you

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
um, to annoy you

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
to heavy and not indestructable

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
so you can hear your wife bitch

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
the elfs in your brain say so

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
the elfs did it all

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
powder


Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
buy one get one same price.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
because you didnt take a shower

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
the elfs do it all

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
hey, do you see congress progressing, didnt think so.

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
damn elfs

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
they are reversed but the same

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
nothings ever done

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
you live apart from each other

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
it gets past sour

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
yes

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
to piss you off

How can someone "draw a blank"?
a imaginary art project

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
yes

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
so you can call it abrv.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

they liked the style
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
ask they elfs

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
cardboard

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
then that would be your home

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
it does when your high

Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
well maybee the barge tugs the tug boat and you cant tell

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
people are retarted

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
you choose either

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
well microsoft could make one
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
no

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
the elfs are on dope

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
it should

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Oh Fuck !

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
your multiple personalitys are having an identidy crisis

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop? yes


Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after? titty's


Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
its slang used by the elfs
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Old 14th February 2001, 21:37   #28
tjb2004
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Quote:
Originally posted by xapec
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
holidays
Duh.
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Old 14th February 2001, 22:43   #29
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With the cat and the toast thing, i read about an idea where three cats were strapped onto the shaft of a motor and dropped, this caused the shaft to spin and produced a perpetual motion engine.
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Old 14th February 2001, 23:36   #30
tjb2004
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Quote:
Originally posted by Paranoid_Sid
With the cat and the toast thing, i read about an idea where three cats were strapped onto the shaft of a motor and dropped, this caused the shaft to spin and produced a perpetual motion engine.
lol
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Old 15th February 2001, 13:42   #31
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The snowplough driver keeps it at home.
Obvious, really.

'Aibohphobia' - an irrational fear of palindromes.
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Old 15th February 2001, 13:49   #32
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If you were driving at lightspeed, your headlights would still go out in front of you, and if you measured the speed of the light relative to you, it would still be the same. If someone by the side of the road measured the speed of the light coming out your headlights, it would still be the same as normal for them. (3*10^8 m/s)
Welcome to Special Relativity!
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