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Old 22nd May 2015, 01:05   #81
Pretzel4
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Well, true, because the peach pie does the cracking up for you.
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Old 4th March 2016, 16:17   #82
Sabine Klare
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Also the year 2015 was not better than the other years. It is very difficult to make it not too long without forgetting something...

It is bad enough, that Frank and I didn't lease the luck, but it is very terrible, that the longstanding serial of misfortunes affects also to our family members, friends and good real contacts. In March 2015 the next 2 people had experienced a fire. When they wanted to come back home, they didn't have a home anymore. Again it was because of a technical defect. The 2nd and 3rd fire had happened on a birthday, and I can understand, that these people never want to celebrate their birthdays anymore.

In June 2014 my mother had died and in June 2015 also Frank's mother. This is my other thread „It is terrible to lose the parents“...
http://forums.winamp.com/showthread.php?t=378065
A death means not only the loss of a very good person, also very much complicated paperforms and many extra-stress with the authorities, with many extra-dates and many extra-tours. And these paperforms still continue. It is very difficult to keep the overview. Mostly professional help is neccessary for filling in all these paperforms.

I am missing the other virtual contacts in the internet. We still have to focus on our many other private problems. I got told, I would have the chance to meet people in real. In the past we had learned to know very much people beyond the internet, but only a few contacts in the different cities have remained. We had to help many of these people very often. Then we ourselves needed some help, moralic help, but nearly all these people have dumped us. And many other people had died over the years.

The life has become harder. After our last cat had died in March 2012, in February 2013 all tenants got an angry letter by the management for all houses (all 4 front houses), and the pets in the leased apartments had been prohibited, although in the lease agreement contract they were allowed. I can imagine, which newer tenant had caused this prohibition. Since that time I saw no tenant coming outside with a dog anymore, and some tenants had also dogs in the past.

Also since 2014 there is a psycho-terror in this house. Everytime, if a tenant uses the toilet and water, another tenant from below knocks at the heater tubes. A real person does that. But using the toilet and water in the own leased apartments cannot be prohibited. Also the crying of a baby at night cannot be prohibited. It cannot be turned off with a volume knob, and the neighbors have to accept it, although many neighbors in all districts try to call the police because they see this crying as „noise pollution“. Many other neighbors complain about the normal walking-noise, but the tenants cannot fly through the apartments like birds and insects can do.

From December 1993 to now many tenants have changed very often. Neighbors don't need to become friends, but they have to accept each other, and until December 2011 it always had worked. Then a new neighbor had moved into this house. At first another tenant had been picked as victim, but we had been planned as next victims already. In April 2015, when it was very silent on that day, suddenly this neighbor rang at the door and started the war against us. There was no reason for doing that. Wars between neighbors are wide-spreaded, many tenants and many people with own houses and gardens have to experience that, also murders had happened.

The crime and violence had spreaded into our environment and increased more and more, along with the aggressions of many people. The police comes into our street every day. The dangers had spreaded also into the house with the leased apartments. The own home should be the securest place, but it isn't anymore, since in October 2015 suddenly an unknown person tried to open the door to our apartment while we were at home. Fortunately we didn't have listened with 2 pairs of our good headphones at that time, we wouldn't have heard that.

Many artists have not only friends and fans, also rivals and enemies, mostly unknown people. We still want to know, who had called the police between XMAS 2015 and New Year at night and said, we would make loud music and sing very loudly, which was not true. I had listened with headphones at that time, not with loudspeakers, and no sound had left the apartment. We never had disturbed the neighbors with loud music. Also no other tenant had loud music running at that time. We can imagine, which person could have done that, but we cannot exclude for 100%, that also someone else did that. And the police would be needed more somewhere else.

Along with the other bad news in the TV and in the internet incl. the latest one we would not be surprised anymore, if suddenly the next „big thing“ happens...

BTW, I have prepared my text on my Workstation PC at home already, and now I am sitting at a computer in the meeting-point (a secure place, no internet cafe).

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Old 17th June 2016, 15:44   #83
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Half-Time...

Yes, the next big things have happened...

In March the police rang at night, while we both were in the bed. I had slept, and Frank was finally falling asleep, after he had pondered long again. I was forced to leave the bed and open the door. We had been accused to have made loud noise again (intentional false accusements). I had said, that we had slept and we cannot have made loud noise, but the policemen were very unfriendly. The police always had come to us, while it was very silent in the whole house at that time and also in the last 3 hours, but they never had come, if other tenants really had made loud noise with music, houvers, hammers or drilling-machines in times, where it is not allowed.

As if it would be not enough, a letter from the management for all houses had come with the same false accusements and that the next time they would terminate the lease agreement contract with us. Many consultations had followed, also with lawyers, and 2 months later the next nasty plans against us had followed. After some more consultations we know, that maybe we would have been saved, for now, but we know, soon the next attacks against us will begin. And we are afraid, that we will lose our fight at the end. If we will be forced to move out as innocent tenants, while the real troublemakers will be still allowed to stay, to where should we move, if Berlin does not have enough cheap apartments anymore? And I mentioned already, that a moving means also debts.

Also my panic-attacks have come back, together with the hyper-ventillation and with my fears, that I never can come back home anymore, if I have to go outside. But I am forced to go outside, to save what we can save. Frank is the only-one who can understand my fears, and he shows the symptoms with not feeling the hands and feet correctly anymore, my symptoms from Summer 2002.

I had also many other dates with doctors and authorities, and I have to go into a full-time-therapy soon. I have no power inside of me anymore, and although I didn't realize a second nervous breakdown yet, this year I had to experience another very weird feeling very often, the feeling, that I could drift away (I cannot describe that). I have cried in the last days very often, and I am doing that also now.

Maybe it was already too much, more than Frank or I can tolerate...

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Old 17th September 2016, 03:22   #84
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Hello again Sabine Klare, I haven't really gotten back with you because its been a rough couple of weeks dealing with depression. Each time I return to sanity and serenity I hope they stick, weaken the depression should it return, and not turn into mania. I do all that I can to not be hospitalized even in my worst of states, because of the experience with having my freedom completely denied.

Things sound very bad over in Germany there, much worse than I would have thought. And here I complained about the way things are over here in America. I don't even want to know what it would be like to have to deal with mental healthcare over there. Good luck with your program . If I had to pick a place in the world to experience insanity, it would probably be India. At least there I could become a shaman or some other spiritual guide and be appreciated for having a method to my madness instead of being forced into submission by authorities.

To quote rockouthippie, I end up in a relatively benign form of the insane asylum form time to time, but finally I am starting to see that I am getting tougher instead of weaker with time, stress and suffering. The first time I was hospitalized, the first three days there were a complete blank. It must have been bad, because I remember having bruises all over my body. Nobody told me how I got them, but it was probably staff because somebody did tell me that I went completely crazy while I was blacked out. I had just reached a point of complete insanity from sleep deprivation due to my illness, but I must have been beaten anyway. Some part of me that must have still been there must have experienced absolute terror in the process. I know because last February when I was at the same hospital I started freaking out because I thought I was put in an MK Ultra experiment.

The staff made no attempt to reason with me, only telling me to go back to that room and I couldn't sleep - especially since the bright fluorescent light that I could not turn off. Then, a police officer shouted at me to get back in the room (this time, only escalating the situation and dehumanizing me instead of talking to me like a human being). I didn't know what to do but refuse, so I did. Then, he brought out his taser, and I pleaded with him not to use it. Well, he tasered me, but like a mouse cornered by a lion, amazingly, the taser had no effect. I even grabbed the sparking wire and pulled it downward to cut it off from the gun. I stood my distance, but immediately the police officer initiated hand-to-hand combat, escalating the situation even further. The tiger within came out for a bit, just long enough for me to deflect his blows and then sock him good in the jaw to stun him. I made a break for the inner exit, but another staff member came up behind me and thwarted my attempt, ripping my shirt in the process. Before I could react, the police officer tackled me to the ground, and I let myself go completely limp so as to not resist arrest. Then, the police officer ground his knee into my head with all of his body weight, and I made not a whimper. What a complete thug. Heartless bastard. I was certainly convinced by this point that the torture and submission I was subjected to was just like MK Ultra, and I remained in that state for another month despite being discharged in 3 days.

This just goes to show both the thinness of the human fiber in these people and how ineffective their forced treatment was. Superficiality and a complete lack of empathy is one of the core problems in this country, we just don't know how to treat our fellow human being. This is because of the way public education is done in this country, raising those who are essentially blank slates generation by generation towards a steady nationwide cultural degeneration, infecting the next generation family unit with the same.
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Old 17th September 2016, 15:33   #85
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Hello Fumbling_Foo,

it is one of the Saturdays, where I am in the meeting-point, while currently on the Fridays the time in the meeting-point is much shorter for me. And on the other days currently I will not be in the meeting-point.

Since 1st September I am in the hospital at day, not in the hospital at night, and I don't know yet, if I will stay there for 2 months or much longer, but I hope, that not more than 6 months will be needed for that.

Since I had been thrown into a big trauma in June 2012, from 2013 to 2014 I didn't go outside very often, only if I had to buy new food or do other neccessary things outside. I had too much fears. And when I saw the nature outside 10 days ago during one of the therapeutic group tours, I had thought, I wouldn't have seen that for many years, as if I would have left the dark cave after a long time.

The second doctor from the authorities had commanded that with the hospital at day, and my own doctors had to make the paperforms ready, which are neccessary to start the full-time-therapy.

Maybe on this way a new nervous breakdown has been prevented, I don't know that exactly. The problems around Frank and me themselves will not disappear, but maybe soon I can handle better with them for a while...

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Old 1st October 2016, 18:04   #86
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Good luck with the authorities, hopefully you can connect with them and get sympathy or even empathy when you have to, but I understand that can be at best useless or at worst escalate an encounter. I've been fortunate to only have that one incident in the mental health hospital, others who live in a suburban / urban environment usually end up in a confrontation with the authorities. Its all an issue with how they're trained, people say, but it is obvious to me that police should by their own humanity know better than to mistreat their fellow man, even if its how they're trained to act. They just simply excuse themselves to do so under color of law and ignore their conscience, and that's thuggery.

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Old 7th October 2016, 16:09   #87
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Thank You, Fumbling_Foo. And I need also luck in my life now, Frank and I both need it again after so many problems and after so many misfortunes...

The policemen should help victims of crimes and come quickly, if people are in danger, for example because of very aggressive disputes, which can come out of control. But no, they come, if very nasty intrigues are done against somebody, for example by nasty neighbors against innocent tenants. Of course they should not mistreat somebody, who is freaking out. And victims of crimes are ignored very often by the policemen, although they are the first people, who would need help, also moralic help.

I think, the hospital at day helps a little bit, although not all problems can be solved there. I have to do the second part alone, for example with a recommended book and with a psycho-therapy outside of the hospital. And I know already much longer, that I should not do too much and that I should avoid the extra-stress, although it is not always possible. But our restlessness, fears and sorrows are based on the longstanding serial of misfortunes, the many destinies and the many psycho-terror against us. And we still have to worry about our future and about our life.

I have also pain in my whole body, sickness and weakness very often, not only the depressions, unrestlessness, sorrows, fears and panic attacks. In June 2015 the arthrose everywhere in my body had been discovered, and since some weeks the pain in my chest and abdomen has increased. Although the EKG was okay, it could be my heart, and / or it could be my stomach. Already in Spring 2005 I had been examined for gastritis. Maybe it is psychosomatic, but maybe there are also other reasons for my pain, and I will need the next examinations.

I had mentioned, what did happen in the last 10 years. I had to experience, that I myself had planned to do something on the next day, because I was too exhausted for finishing it on the same day, and that another time I had planned together with my mother a repair of something, but then everything went differently, and it never was possible anymore. Also I had to experience more than once, that after having a little joy of something very new for me (for 1 or some days) very terrible news had followed, for example already on the next day, and then I had been thrown into my next depressions for a longer time, because again my life was not the same anymore. Somehow I have the feeling, that I am not allowed to have also a little joy and not only frustrations.

Now about the hospitals: Until the seventies the big hospitals for psychiatry (and neurology) were especially in the outskirts, at the frontiers where the cities ended, for example also the Nervenklinik Spandau, which had been closed after the Nineties. In the Eighties the psychiatry had been integrated also in the other bigger hospitals in all districts. It is easier now for the family members to visit the people in the hospitals, because the way is much shorter.

In the past the people were kept in the hospitals much longer, and the fixations had been used more often, now it is tried to keep the people much shorter, only as long as necessary. Then mostly they can change the stations, and for the second part they come into a hospital at day. Only a few people didn't have slept in the previous stations, for example I myself. But also in the times of today some people are brought into the hospitals by the policemen.

Until 1991 it had happened very often, that suddenly somebody had been put under tutelage and had got a guardian. Then this person was not allowed anymore to vote or to continue with the study at the university. In 1992 a new law had been introduced, the tutelage had been replaced by the judicial care and the guardian had been replaced by the supervisor. The person can vote and continue with the study now, but the same person still can lose the access to the money on the bank account and an old person still can be put into a nursing home.

But You are right. The authorities and the society still are unfeeling and they are also inhuman very often, without any respect for a feeling person as an individuum. People with an own music-taste, with an own philosophy of life, with another skin color, with disabilities or with very low incomes still are disadvantaged, discriminated, excluded and expelled in the society. Only those things are accepted, which fit the general taste of the society, for example also Mainstream. Over the many generations the humans didn't have learned...

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Old 20th October 2017, 15:56   #88
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After 1 year I have decided to return to my thread because I have my next summaries...

I was in the hospital at day in the previous year from 1st September to 21st October. My first stay in the hospital at day was for 8 and a half months from August 1995 to May 1996. My second stay was for 3 and a half months in 2002 from July to October. I hope, my third stay was my last stay in my life, but at least I want, that a forth stay will not become necessary so quickly. My first nervous breakdown in Summer 2002 really was not funny. At least a second nervous breakdown had been prevented with my third stay.

I have not only my depressions and my severe personality disorder, I have also my generalized anxiety disorder. I got teached, that unknown adults can be dishonest and criminal, also if they appear as "very gentle people" first, and the children never should go with them. Unfortunately after my 12th birthday I had to learn, that also teenagers can be very criminal and commit very nasty crimes, and maybe they are not much older than their victims. And the victims cannot make their terrible experiences undo.

Also a post-traumatic stress disorder can happen, for example, after a person has been attacked, mistreated, robbed or raped, but also, after a person has become a victim of a terrorist-attack, and too much terrorist-attacks have happened in the latest years, in many cities. If the people are injured and survive, then maybe they have to live with disabilities, or they are traumatized. And then they need professional help by the psychiatrists and psychologists. It does not have to be embarrassing, if somebody has to search for help, and the person should not hestitate to do that.

I should mention again the bullying by other adults, teenagers and children on work or at school and also the psycho-terror in multi-family-houses which can happen for a very long time and which can become so unbearable, so that some long-time tenants move out on a voluntary basis and make debts because of the moving, and some adults end up in a hospital at day. It has become more and more difficult to find a new apartment in the same environment, district or city. But it also has become very difficult to find a new job in another company. In the past the parents had the possibilities yet to choose the school for their children, since some years the authorities decide, to which school do the children have to go. But sometimes the school or class is not good for the children. Then it becomes necessary to change the school, if the child or teenager should not become very ill as adult, and the authorities should not reject the application of the parents.

In January 2017 the psycho-terrror in the multi-family-house had happened again, but also many other strange things have happened in all 4 front-houses, and they still happen. Before 2012 we felt a little bit more secure in this house. That's very strange, that the nasty neighbor had started the wars against the long-time tenants, at first against a previous long-time tenant in the same house, then against Frank and me, without any reason. But maybe the real reason is, that long-time tenants simply have become unprofitable. We know, that many landlords and managements want to change the tenants more often because then they can make the leases much more expensive than they can do that with the current tenants. To get rid off the long-time tenants, sometimes also long psycho-terrors or long wars are started against them. For the most long-time tenants they become very unbearable, but not all of them want to move out on a voluntary basis.

Because Frank and I don't want to get debts, we both still refuse to make online-banking (no credit-card and no PayPal), so that at least it should not be possible, that suddenly we have debts because of hackers, and suddenly being hacked can happen also to very careful people. But if suddenly we would be forced to move some day, then maybe it would not be possible anymore to avoid debts. Getting debts can happen also on other ways. We have heard, that people suddenly can get debts, if they become very ill and their life is in danger, and if they get those therapies which are not payed by the insurances. Other things are payed by the insurances only partially. The most replacement-teeth are very expensive, up to many thousands Euros, and also people with very low incomes will need new teeth some day, if they become older and begin to lose their own teeth. But at least for some of the many different therapies the debts will not happen.

For now, this is my summary, and I hope, that I didn't forget something...

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Old 3rd November 2017, 11:56   #89
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giving up

hi everyone, im so lost, and so ready to give up. please help
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Old 4th November 2017, 14:44   #90
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I am back in my thread more quickly than I had planned it first...

I never had studied or learned for the following professions: psychiatrist, psychologist, sociologist, therapist (for example ergo therapist). I also don't have these professional knowledges, so that I myself cannot help.

In Berlin there are many adresses for professional consultations, and I think, such adresses exist also in other cities and in other countries. From these first adresses the people can get the other adresses, and they also can get help for filling-in some paperforms. People who need help have to go to these adresses, and they should start a necessary therapy soon.

In Berlin there is a telephone-service for people in a life-crisis, and they should call this telephone-number, if they feel in a very critical situation. This service is reachable also on the weekends. Also Frank and I ourselves had called this number already, we did that in the previous year. And I think, such telephone-services exist not only in Berlin and not only in Germany. Not everybody has good friends who would be honest and also be willing to help, and also if some good friends would exist, I don't recommend to call them because maybe they could feel annoyed and also could terminate the friendship. Don't risk this loss, call the professional telephone-service instead. The people from the telephone-service have the professional knowledges.

Very terrible destinies can happen, sometimes one after one, so that there is no time between to take a deep breath. Bad things can happen because of nasty third people, but also because of a natural catastrophe, another catastrophe, a technical defect or something else, and it can happen suddenly and unexpectedly. Especially the loss of the own existence is a big nightmare, and many people on this planet suddenly have lost their apartments or houses together with all their material goods. And then the insurances don't want to pay because they want to earn only, and there will be long fights and court-processes because the people have their basic rights and claim to the money from the insurances. Of course the people feel deserted and abandoned. They feel, that they have lost the ground under their feet and that the world around them has collapsed. But there are also adresses for people who have lost their home, and they can get help.

I know, that the life really can suck, and also I myself was despairing very often. Frank had felt similar. Our life is far away from being stable enough, so many problems and dangers are around us. Instead of becoming better again some day our life has become worse and worse over the years because also the economy and the other situations have become worse and worse in the same time. We really want to have a more stable life without so many dangers.

I hope, that also some other forums members who are in the forums a little bit longer can stop by and can give those answers which I myself have forgotten...

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