Old 12th September 2009, 05:03   #1
Wildrose-Wally
The Albertan
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 6,122
I love this Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Wildrose-Wally is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th September 2009, 06:26   #2
Psythik
Got his CT back
and didn't pay $10
(Forum King)
 
Psythik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,581

This is a sig of some nature.
Psythik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th September 2009, 15:27   #3
P$ycHo™
Flakmonkey!
 
P$ycHo™'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: DM-Campgrounds
Posts: 1,870
america is the country with most overweight people. its only logical that they have most heart attacks.
P$ycHo™ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2009, 05:51   #4
aFfLiCtEd
Major Dude
 
aFfLiCtEd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Over Here
Posts: 876
Some good stuff W-W ... You always have some good shit when you post.
aFfLiCtEd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2009, 18:44   #5
swingdjted
DRINK BEER NOW
(Forum King)
 
swingdjted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern West Virginia
Posts: 9,991
Send a message via AIM to swingdjted Send a message via Yahoo to swingdjted
I need to learn a new language.

Don't forget to live before you die.
swingdjted is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th September 2009, 21:35   #6
rockouthippie
Banned
 
rockouthippie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 11,002
This reminds me of a gal I know who is a "vegetarian". I saw her scarfing a BLT and I said "I thought you were a vegetarian."

"Bacon is a vegetable"

I have been looking for a bacon tree ever since...
rockouthippie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th September 2009, 13:13   #7
J_Darnley
Forum King
 
J_Darnley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Belgium, Europe
Posts: 3,626
Send a message via ICQ to J_Darnley
Quote:
Originally posted by rockouthippie
I have been looking for a bacon tree ever since...
You've been looking in the wrong place, they are a root vegetable!

Winamp ATF ReferenceMy cPro timer widgetMy port of AVS
Do NOT email me with general tech support questions.
J_Darnley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th September 2009, 06:52   #8
Psythik
Got his CT back
and didn't pay $10
(Forum King)
 
Psythik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,581
Quote:
Originally posted by rockouthippie
This reminds me of a gal I know who is a "vegetarian". I saw her scarfing a BLT and I said "I thought you were a vegetarian."

"Bacon is a vegetable"

I have been looking for a bacon tree ever since...
I believe the proper term for those kind of people is "flexeterian".
Psythik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th September 2009, 07:26   #9
rockouthippie
Banned
 
rockouthippie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 11,002
/me digs up the yard looking for bacon.

Quote:
Originally posted by Psythik
I believe the proper term for those kind of people is "flexeterian".
Yeah, there is a word for Jen alright but I don't think flexetarian is it ...
rockouthippie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2009, 06:22   #10
2d0k
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1
Re: I love this Doctor!

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you. [/B][/QUOTE]

haha. this is really amusing.. from all the inconsistence in nutritional facts, i'll just enjoy my life and have a hearty meal every day.. no worries.. live and let die..
2d0k is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th September 2009, 15:36   #11
RockyRacoon
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NOLA
Posts: 56
I like the body-fat ration one. Its the most funny to me.
RockyRacoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Go Back   Winamp & Shoutcast Forums > Community Center > General Discussions

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump