Old 9th March 2006, 07:30   #1
dlichterman
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Lol are you fucking kidding me

Quote:
CULT ALERT:

Dr. Troy Franklin, OBJECTIVE occult expert, has brought to our attention a disturbing new danger to weak-spirited Christians and unsaved persons that we feel needs to be reported.

As he tells it, while out at a local supermarket shopping for food for his cat, Dr. Franklin noticed one of those small tents advertising "Free Rock Chip Repair" that have been springing up in our nation's parking lots. Curious, he went to enquire about getting a ding in his windshield sealed, only to learn that the person manning the tent had other intentions, namely to try and recruit Dr. Franklin into a cult!

Fortunately, the good doctor has become quite immune to cultic recruiting ploys from his years studying their tactics, and thus he was able to extricate himself from the situation with his soul unharmed. However, those less skilled in their Faith -- and especially those of false faiths or no faith at all -- would have soon found themselves back at the cult headquarters doing all manner of unspeakable rites and blasphemies... or maybe even brainwashed into manning a tent of their own.

For the safety of your soul, do not be tempted by the lure of impulse rock chip repair from strangers in parking lots. It may say free, but it could cost you your soul! If you need your windshield fixed, go to a qualified Christian repair shop.
http://objectiveministries.org/



Im so glad im an agnostic deist jew

Software is like sex: It's better when it's free.-*-If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0-*-Guess the band from pics game
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Old 9th March 2006, 07:55   #2
Mr Jones
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Keep saying to yourself 'nothing in life is ever free' and you won't go far wrong....
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Old 9th March 2006, 07:56   #3
psyfive
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Quote:
go to a qualified Christian repair shop.
Is that where they fix the broken Christians?

maybe I should go join the cult of the fix0red windshield, at least that way I can fix all the rock chips in my windshields without having to pay a "qualified Christian repair shop" a bunch-o'-loot to fix the two chips I have in my windshield.
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Old 9th March 2006, 13:46   #4
breaksguy
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wow, that is just retarded

breaks guy
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Old 9th March 2006, 14:40   #5
ElChevelle
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Why don't they just pray to God like they do everything else. That does work, doesn't it?
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Old 9th March 2006, 14:42   #6
aFfLiCtEd
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Depends on which God you're talking about.
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Old 9th March 2006, 15:12   #7
ElChevelle
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How many gods do christians have?
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Old 9th March 2006, 15:30   #8
aFfLiCtEd
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Depends on which christians you're talking about.
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Old 9th March 2006, 16:01   #9
protegechris
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This site has to be a fucking joke.


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Kyle started out hating Christians. He listened to anti-Christian music, played violent video games, and created a website attacking various Christian organizations while praising the work of Chris Harper. Kyle was a troubled boy. However, this all changed when he found Jesus. Since then he has gotten himself cleaned up, has started listening to Christian rock, and is now a respectable looking young lad. His parents - being Jewish - were hesitant to accept his new found faith, but they do consider it better that Kyle is now following Jesus
instead of Marilyn Manson. Kyle has recently graduated from Fellowship Christian High School and is now attending Fellowship University. When not studying, he helps maintain our web site.

Quote:
Tim has worked tirelessly as our Treasurer, taking time from his tax practice to aid us. As an accountant, he has to deal daily with the soulless secular world and so he takes great pleasure in putting his knowledge of accountancy to use in the righteous cause of Our Lord. If you ever need your taxes filed, come see Tim. He gives a 5% discount for all Christians and 10% discount for non-Christians willing to convert on the spot.
or my favorite..


Quote:
Dr. Troy Franklin has built a career around researching the occult and its attempts to destroy Christianity. Considered one of the foremost in the new school of Baptist demon exorcism specialists, Dr. Franklin has battled Satan up close and personal on many occasions, yet he always manages to come through unscathed thanks to the power of Christ.
Perhaps, just perhaps, he comes through unscathed because these "demons" are imaginary?

They have another douchebag who is trying to teach creationism. The first person to pull that shit with me gets stabbed.

Has to be a joke. The kid who started listening to christian "rock"'s blog... is gay.
http://www.geocities.com/hands_off_lb/

He has a link to his old "blog" which is way overdone.. lol
http://www.geocities.com/hands_off_lb/index_old.html

yeah, i'm back.
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Old 9th March 2006, 16:01   #10
Thunder Pussy
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Weird... Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew Dog T-Shirt "Do it up in doggie style!"
link

And the Jesus light switch cover ... it's hard to decide if it's comedy, but I suspect it is. I mean, it links to Landover.

/edit Yep, Wikipedia says it's parody.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OBJECTI...ian_Ministries
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Old 9th March 2006, 20:28   #11
CaboWaboAddict
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Rock Chip Cult - Yeah, I played with those dudes. They were really tight man, but the bass player was a little freaky.

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My site (under construction)
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Old 9th March 2006, 20:42   #12
ShyShy
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Old website. We've laughed and made fun of it for awhile now...

*being grumpy cause she's only had one cup of coffee*
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Old 9th March 2006, 20:46   #13
Smeggle
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If you ever need your taxes filed, come see Tim. He gives a 5% discount for all Christians and 10% discount for non-Christians willing to convert on the spot.
eh? that is just a piss take right?

Become a christian and save on your tax return payments? Fucking old Pontius will be spinning in his grave roflmao

That is just wrong in so many ways Dunno which is worse? The Get yourwindshield fixed along with free cult membership or save on taxes and become a christian. heh? All you gotta do is change your mind back next day lol...

Music is Life, Love and Happiness :|: Life is Music. Serren - 1985 - 2005
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Old 9th March 2006, 20:54   #14
Schmeet
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Surely you could get your window fixed for free and just not turn up to the cult meetings?
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Old 9th March 2006, 23:42   #15
rockouthippie
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Quote:
Originally posted by Schmeet
Surely you could get your window fixed for free and just not turn up to the cult meetings?
That's what I do when I need firewood stacked.... wait for the Jehovah witnesses.. .... We talk about Jesus for a while and I get my wood stacked.

Hallelujah. Isn't God great?. He even sends Jehovah witnesses to do my chores for me.
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Old 10th March 2006, 00:13   #16
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Ya know, I'm pretty tolerant of other people's beliefs and religions (within reason), but some times I think they should be put in rubber rooms.
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