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View Poll Results: Sex before marriage
Stay virgin till marriage 10 20.41%
Have sex with your gf/bf, get good practice before marrying 9 18.37%
Satisfy all your sexual urges, have lots of fun/sex (but use condoms) 30 61.22%
Voters: 49. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 15th January 2007, 17:50   #41
rockouthippie
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jay
some people are capable of having sex with no ties, some aren't.
I think the odds of finding two people in a relationship where both of them feel no ties is unlikely.

Quote:
The first option seems a bit stupid to be honest. Arguments about pregnancy and disease are one thing, but thats what education is for.
Yes, that is what education is for. It doesn't seem like what is generally taught works out so hot though. Responsibility is not taught, that's why responsibility isn't what happens.
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Old 15th January 2007, 18:24   #42
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I concur, which is why i mentioned a rather scary conversation I had with a few people from across different parts of the globe a couple of weeks back.

There is always room for more education.

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Old 15th January 2007, 18:43   #43
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
That's funny because almost any studies I've read on the topic say that married couples that wait are generally describe themselves as more satisfied, and less likely to divorce.

More flippant views of marriage seem to follow closely behind more flippant views of sex.


Originally posted by Widdykats
Some of you may never get married. Will you stay celibate your whole lives?

Do you find it odd that I'd say yes?
No!

Last edited by Widdykats; 15th January 2007 at 19:04.
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Old 15th January 2007, 19:17   #44
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
So (assuming most people who get married would prefer it didn't end in divorce) why would someone choose not to be one of those people?
How could one choose to change the person one is?

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Old 15th January 2007, 19:45   #45
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The same way you chose to make other life altering decisions....with a glass of milk and 3 chocolate chip cookies of course.


Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Jones
That's a very swinging and general statement, are you saying that if you sleep with a non virgin you'll go around picking up other peoples viruses? great chat up line that, you'll go far
Oh, you'd be surprised how many people like "projects".


Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Jones

You might as well say you don't wanna go to hospitals as you might catch some some MRSA virus from another patient, or have the dentist poke around in your mouth because he had his fingers in someone elses mouth only minutes before you, or sit on the same public toilet seat as someone else might have pissed on, or drink out a the same glass that someone might have spat in at the bar.
Tis possible to practically disinfect one's fingers, toliets, and glass - if one is concerned about the health implications. How one goes about disinfecting genitalia now...

I am so important I feel the need to let it be known like a liberal discovering the internets for the first time. Uh hur hur hur. I also wash myself with a rag on a stick.
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Old 15th January 2007, 19:50   #46
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^And I thought you were a porn star, Dirk!
and you said:
Quote:
No such thing as safe sex these days and true scientist will tell you that. Do you really want to go where other men have gone before AND get their viruses?

__________________

Uh, "they" seem to...thank God(as you know it to be)
and just because one has had more than one partner doesn't mean they are virus infected!
I wouldn't even think a man was normal, if he were near thirty and never slept with someone! That's just me!
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Old 15th January 2007, 20:12   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
Do you find it odd that I'd say yes?
Actually yes, I find it odd that you say so, shakey_snake. No, I am not blasting your relegious beliefs in anyway, but I want you consider one thing here - suppose you wait till marriage & finally you find that special woman to get married to, but by this time you're already like 55yrs old (yes, I know a couple of people who are in this situation & were asking for sex advice) - I would congratulate you on finding your perfect woman, but I would call you absolutely crazy & foolish for staying a virgin till your 50s.

It has been scientifically proven that human beings are most sexually active in their late 20s, but by the time they are into their 40s, their interest in sex & performance becomes very weak. If they started having sex after 40s, then I honestly I don't see how they can be sexually satisfied with their marriage in the long term.

I agree that you followed everything by the book & respect you for that - but practically speaking I mean, come on - wouldn't you feel that you missed out on such a wonderful opportunity to enjoy sex (what are we humans after all born for?) when you were in your 20s??? I know any normal person, religious or not, would definitely do.

In India, we are religious & practice sexual abstinence. But we follow arranged marriage system, so we get married when we're in the mid 20s, after we finish college & get full-time jobs. At least in this way, we are able to enjoy sex when it's at the peak. But come on, into your 40s or 50s? No way man!
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Old 15th January 2007, 20:13   #48
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Quote:
Originally posted by rockouthippie
I think the odds of finding two people in a relationship where both of them feel no ties is unlikely.
I never said anything about relationships. I am referring to the state of a single individual. I know many guys who would have sex with someone and think nothing of them later. Some women also have this trait. It just depends on many factors like, where you are in your life, how your see yourself and your thoughts on committed relationships. I would doubt that if two people got into a "friends with benefits" situation, they would consider themselves in a relationship anyhow.
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Old 15th January 2007, 20:30   #49
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jay
I would doubt that if two people got into a "friends with benefits" situation
I have never seen that relationship occur in a bi-lateral way. Usually it's ONE partner that wants the "friends with benefits" arrangement.

How many hearts did I break and how many times did mine get broke with the erroneous assumption that these relationships were possible?.
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Old 15th January 2007, 20:37   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
How could one choose to change the person one is?
I is Genetic Robot.






Enter Gattaca.


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Old 15th January 2007, 20:39   #51
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I don't do the f*ck buddy thing. But lots of my friends do. Also, I've met and decided to sleep with some men quickly. They were good lookin', smart and had something workin' for them. My Choice! No regrets! No Disease!
No hurt feelings! There are many things that allow people to have options.
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Old 15th January 2007, 20:52   #52
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I chose option 1. I wouldn't want to tell my wife that she wasn't the first one for me.
Vice-versa for me. Also, I wouldn't want my wife to be a virgin, partly for the whole uncomfortable first-time nervousness thing, partly because breaking a hymen is the most unappealing thing I could ever think of.

Virginity is an unnecessary stigma I'm carrying around. I see no value in the magical 1st-time, or "saving" it.




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Old 15th January 2007, 20:55   #53
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What is a virgin?
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Old 15th January 2007, 21:08   #54
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
I is Genetic Robot.
That's not what I meant, and you know it. One cannot simply change one's beliefs so that they make them more statistically likely to be happy; people do not work that way. The fact that people who respect marriage more end up happier doesn't change the fact that there ware people who don't respect marriage as a good option for them.

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Old 15th January 2007, 21:24   #55
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Quote:
Originally posted by Widdykats
^And I thought you were a porn star, Dirk!
and you said:
Never said I was a scientist....Yes, listen to Dirk kids, only a discrimnating Diggler will get you action with Roller Girl. And you can learn all about the how to's in my new dvd....

I am so important I feel the need to let it be known like a liberal discovering the internets for the first time. Uh hur hur hur. I also wash myself with a rag on a stick.
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Old 15th January 2007, 21:28   #56
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^ You sick, twisted fuck!
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Old 15th January 2007, 21:39   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
That's not what I meant, and you know it. One cannot simply change one's beliefs so that they make them more statistically likely to be happy; people do not work that way. The fact that people who respect marriage more end up happier doesn't change the fact that there ware people who don't respect marriage as a good option for them.
Zootm, your position seems contrived and defensive.

I don't see how sleeping around could be the best choice for anyone. It is their choice, and it's not up to me or anyone else to make it for them, and they damn well deserve to be educated properly on the subject (especially when taxpayers are paying for it), but it makes your life messy, and leaves you emotionally stale. I see friends go through it all the time. You can't build a marriage on that.

I don't see how this form of instant gratification pays off, when every other form doesn't.


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Old 15th January 2007, 21:49   #58
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Well, it does!


psst. It's not "Instant Gratification"..uh..that wouldn't work on a bunch of levels
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Old 15th January 2007, 21:50   #59
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
Zootm, your position seems contrived and defensive.
I'm not sure why, but fair enough.

Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
I don't see how sleeping around could be the best choice for anyone.
Sleeping around is not the same thing as not waiting until one is married to have sex. I'm not advocating promiscuity, I'm just saying that "marriage" isn't so important to some, and doesn't have to be tied to sex.

Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
It is their choice, and it's not up to me or anyone else to make it for them, and they damn well deserve to be educated properly on the subject (especially when taxpayers are paying for it), but it makes your life messy, and leaves you emotionally stale. I see friends go through it all the time. You can't build a marriage on that.
And I've seen people who've been sexually active for many years fall in "real love" and go and get married. Matching your anecdotes with anecdotes, what one finds is that although sexual contact with other people can make some people jaded, once they find someone that they feel that they love, their feelings come back as fresh as ever. That's as good a basis for marriage as any other.

Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
I don't see how this form of instant gratification pays off, when every other form doesn't.
I think you're either unaware of my position, or purposefully ignoring it; I believe that one can be in a stable, loving relationship that includes sexual contact without having to be married. Marriage doesn't have to be about sex, it should be about love. The same is not true about sex; it can accompany love, or perceived love, just fine. It is not, however, a commitment.

Just because it can be a strong expression of love doesn't mean that it has to be. And it's certainly not nearly as strong as marriage.

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Old 15th January 2007, 22:16   #60
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
Marriage doesn't have to be about sex, it should be about love. The same is not true about sex
As much as I'd like to believe you, experience tells me otherwise.

you're saying
Marriage is between two people that love each other.
I say
Marriage is between two people that love each other.
you're saying.
sex is between two people that love each other
I say
sex is between two people that love each other
You say
sex is less of a commitment (if it is one at all) than marriage is
I say
sex is less of a commitment than marriage is
you say
so people should be able to sleep with their lovers.
I say
Bullocks! If two lovers can't go through with the responsibly involved with and engagement and a pledge of lifelong fidelity(also known as vows), you've not proven yourselves to be capable of dealing with the emotional responsibility of sex. That's why marriage was ever instituted in the first place. Any other position is disrespectful to you and your partner's emotional health. Statistics prove this (as much as statistics can prove anything).

you say
those stats are inconclusive.
I say how?
you say
because of a way people self-identify themselves that cannot be changed.
I say
If people can't change what they believe about themselves, than this world is in a lot of trouble.


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Old 15th January 2007, 22:34   #61
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Why don't you do what you want, believe what you want and allow that other people do not see the world as you do!
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Old 15th January 2007, 23:19   #62
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
Bullocks! If two lovers can't go through with the responsibly involved with and engagement and a pledge of lifelong fidelity(also known as vows), you've not proven yourselves to be capable of dealing with the emotional responsibility of sex. That's why marriage was ever instituted in the first place.
Now that's complete and utter bollocks.
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Old 15th January 2007, 23:24   #63
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Edit:

Right, I'm removing this (long, rambling) post because I'm just getting drawn further and further into an ideological argument that there's little point in drawing out.

shakey, you know (well, I think you know) that I respect your opinion here, but I'm fairly sure it differs from mine in ways that discussion isn't going to resolve.


Last edited by zootm; 15th January 2007 at 23:48.
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Old 15th January 2007, 23:25   #64
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Marriage is for people who think they won't want to fuck anyone else ever again.
I never got laid by so many girls in my life than when I was married
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Old 15th January 2007, 23:50   #65
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You mean one?

/ducks
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Old 15th January 2007, 23:56   #66
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Old 16th January 2007, 00:00   #67
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If I slept around whilst married I'd have to assume my wife isn't stupid enough not to notice and that she's doing the same thing. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle that.
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Old 16th January 2007, 00:03   #68
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It was a piece of cake for the entire 6 months I was married
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Old 16th January 2007, 00:09   #69
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Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
I think that the "emotional responsibility" of sex is played up a hell of a lot.
As a rationalist studies reason, other fields tend to lose focus.

Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
Sex has never been a negative aspect of a relationship to me, and I'm willing to bet that for many others it's the same.
by your own admittance:
Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
what one finds is that although sexual contact with other people can make some people jaded...
I'd hope that a partner of yours isn't ever one of those people.

Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
This is a misinterpretation, again.
We're coming from very different deep-rooted points of view here, it could take some extensive clarification. I promise I'm not trying to deliberately misrepresent you. I've got more respect for you than that.


Quote:
Originally posted by zootm
Your logic here would seem to indicate that depressed people should just "be happy", and so on. There's a degree of choice in everything we do but a lot of people are proud of what they believe in, even if that is something that doesn't make them happy.
You don't have to preach, my faith doesn't always make me the happiest camper either.

Quote:
Originally posted by Widdykats
Why don't you do what you want, believe what you want and allow that other people do not see the world as you do!
I do. That doesn't mean they're right. (besides this is just emotional carryover from the cat post)


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Old 16th January 2007, 08:02   #70
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Be careful out there.

Condoms don't stop a whole lot - herpes and many other diseases still spread, and people forget all those other great diseases that aren't always listed, like bronchitis, flu, mono, etc. but you can get those by kissing or sharing drinks too. Although sex is a lot of fun, it really does pay to get to know your partner first. Sick people can fake health for a date or two.

Don't forget to live before you die.
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Old 16th January 2007, 08:32   #71
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Bugger, sorry for deleting that post, I didn't realise you'd already quoted it.

Quote:
Originally posted by shakey_snake
You don't have to preach, my faith doesn't always make me the happiest camper either.
That's kinda what I was getting at. I realise people can change their attitudes, but trying to impose change upon oneself simply because it might make one happier doesn't sound like something people would choose to do.

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Old 16th January 2007, 13:09   #72
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this is very slowly (or less slowly, becoming a flame war)

Cooky560 - Making Pointless Posts since 8/12/ 2002

WWW.
Victory Requires no explanation, defeat allows none.
All that Evil needs to triumph is for good men to do nothing
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Old 16th January 2007, 13:32   #73
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/grips the handle of my fire extinguisher.

/releases fire extinguisher.

/opts for a grip on penis and prepares to urinate on flamers/flamees.
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Old 16th January 2007, 13:35   #74
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Urine trouble now!

*runs. far.*

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Old 16th January 2007, 13:44   #75
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Old 16th January 2007, 16:22   #76
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What a BS thread.

I'm 20 and have had sex with 3 people. In each instance, we were in a serious relationship at the time. Sex should be with someone that you love, but it doesn't have to be with someone that you are married to.

I don't have any emotional problems. Most people say that I'm mature for my age. Why wait? What would I have gained by not having sex with these people?

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
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Old 16th January 2007, 16:30   #77
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Quote:
Originally posted by k_rock923
What would I have gained by not having sex with these people?
Virginity.

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Old 16th January 2007, 16:33   #78
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Yes, but what does that get me? All I see is that I don't get to partake in something enjoyable.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
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Old 16th January 2007, 16:34   #79
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It's only enjoyable if you have a worthy partner.
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Old 16th January 2007, 23:13   #80
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If a person still cares what others think, then they obviously aren't mature enough to have sex.

Do what feels right for you, and if you have to ask, don't do it.
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