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Old 15th February 2008, 22:04   #1
White Raven
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada, now UK
Posts: 4,165
Shiny Tales from Target Customer Service!

Alright so it's been years and stuff, whatever.

I sit nestled in my small, three-wall cubicle working as a CSR for Target. This is unique and relevant since I have never been in a Target, never seen a Target, barely even heard of Target before this job and that is because Targets do not exist in Canada.

Basically, all day I get calls from mouthbreathers who can't figure out that we are the Customer Service part, not an actual Target, and that most of our departments are small subsidiaries that are specifically set up just to redirect the retards who smash '0' with chimp-like enthusiasm whenever an automated directory comes up on a phone line.

My favourite is that we handle the Target Clinics phone line, which is entirely useless being that 99% of the calls are either Misdirected, or need to be redirected to Target Clinics Billing, which we do not handle.
So we get tons of people calling, prattling off their sensitive information immediately, thinking we're a *******y or a Clinic and asking medical advice.

Thanks for calling Target ClearRX, my name is Jamie, how can I help you?

YEAH HI WHAT SHOULD I DO I JUST BOUGHT SOME ANTIBIOTICS FROM YOUR *******Y, AND NOW I AM BLEEDING FROM THE ANUS PROFUSELY AND I CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT FROM LOSS OF BLOOD, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Uh, you need to hang up and call 911 immediately, sir! Get yourself to a hospital!

WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU HELP ME!? WHAT SHOULD I DO!?

Sir, I'm not qualified to give you medical advice, you need to call --

WELL WHY THE HELL NOT!? OH JESUS, I'M SEEING BLACK SPOTS! BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE!

Because I'm not a *******ist sir! I'm a 19 year old kid in a callcentre! I'm going to disconnect this immediately so you can call 911! CALL YOURSELF AN AMBULANCE!
*Click*

I have no idea what happened to that guy. We don't have their number or area code or anything, and the guy was well enough to scream at me so I supposed he could also have the strength to dial 911. Why the fuck would you call Target Customer Service if you're bleeding to death from the ass? What mental process connects Target with Life Threatening Emergency?

--

Thank you for calling Target Clinics, my name is Jamie, how can I help you?

YES I WENT TO YOUR CLINIC AND THE RECEPTIONIST SAID THAT TARGET TAKES <kind of medical insurance> SO I GOT MY FLU SHOT THERE AND SHE SAID THAT I WOULD NOT GET A BILL BUT I GOT A BILL AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS!!! ALSO I CALLED THIS NUMBER BEFORE AND I SPOKE WITH STEVE AND STEVE GAVE ME A GUEST RELATIONS NUMBER WHICH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PROBLEM, JUST TO GET RID OF ME!

Okay Ma'am, there are a couple things you can do here... First, did you speak with the Guest Relations department number that he gave you? That way you can lodge a complaint and get things moving to have this resolved. Also, did you contact the Target Clinics Billing Department?

YES I SPOKE WITH THEM SOMEONE FROM INDIA OR SOMETHING ANSWERED AND THEY TOLD ME TO TALK TO <kind of medical insurance>!!!!

Well, Ma'am, I would suggest you call up <kind of medical insurance> and discuss this with them, also, go down to the Target Clinic where you had the problem and speak to someone there.

THE RECEPTIONIST TOLD ME VERY CLEARLY THAT YOU ACCEPT <kind of medical insurance> AND I ASKED VERY CLEARLY AND THIS IS BULLSHIT THAT YOU ARE NOT ACCEPTING IT.

I believe you that you did ask and were told that we do accept it. I'm very sorry, but that receptionist might have been misinformed. Nevertheless I'm sure something can be done about this.

SO BECAUSE YOUR EMPLOYEE MADE A MISTAKE I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT?

Not necessarily, Ma'am. Like I said, call these numbers, speak with these people and be sure you go back to that Clinic and speak with the manager in charge.

SO BECAUSE OF ALL OF THIS I HAVE TO CALL AROUND SO MANY TIMES AND I GUESS IT'S MY FAULT BECAUSE I LIED!!!!!111 *Click*

???

--

Thanks for calling Target GiftCards, my name is Jamie, how can I help you?

DO U HAEFS TEH WII?

Oh, I'm sorry, this is the Target GiftCard Centre, we're not actually a Target, so I don't have information on stock. What I can do for you though, is get you a number to a local Target so you can ask them, ok?

OKAI. DO U NO WUT GAEMS COME WIHT TEH WII?

No, as we're the GiftCard department and not a Target, but can I have your zip code please so I can find you a Target close to you? They'll know for sure.

<zip>

*Relays number of local Target*

TAHNKS, O & HOW MUCH IS TEH WII?

The actual Target store will know that for sure, ok?

*Click*

--

Target.com is a separate callcentre from us and perhaps the most useless bag of sopping cumrags I have ever been aware of. Not only do they not listen to the guests that call them, but they continually redirect them to us for no other reason than the fact that they heard a keyword in what the person said, or that they just can't do their jobs. All too often I get redirects from Target.com only to have to inform them that all along it was Target.com's problem, and so to redial them and ask to speak to a supervisor and hope to the sweet gods that they know half of what they are supposed to.

I have actually had calls from Target.com employees asking ME how to do THEIR jobs. WTF!?!? Doesn't it stand to reason that a problem with the website would require the website's support team? Why in the fuck would a problem involving the coding of the site be handled by Target GiftCards!?
Jesus.

I'll probably be updating this periodically with more SHINING CALLS FROM TARGET.

just as feathery as ever | portfolio | a poignant quote
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