Old 15th November 2010, 02:50   #1
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UPS Log-Book

I don't usually repost shit like this....but what the hell. Here we go:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
> sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
> mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
> and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
> let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
> actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS '
> pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an
> S) by maintenance engineers.
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
> an accident.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement .
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> And the best one for last..................
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Old 15th November 2010, 03:37   #2
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Originally Posted by tuckerm View Post
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
That one was my fav.
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