Old 6th May 2006, 02:10   #1
Smeggle
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They Lost Jesus Again!

Just found this over at blogexplosion...


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So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...She takes my arm and with trembling voices she asks...."Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if its not Christians it is the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic I reply, "You people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own...

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"

The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she looks desperately to the car... Surely one of the men can help.... Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people... I mean Muslims never seem to loose there deity. Come to think of it neither do Jews, or Pagans of any kind."

I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake... What was that about... deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breath, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies)."

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun..." I continue. By now they are all out of the car.

Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words.

"Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly He was Jewish. So if you are really so eager to find him..." I smile gently to soften the blow. "Check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. Also you folks should try and remember that this is America... Where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either.

Someone sent this to you because they believe no one can have too much Deity.

It is a blessing in disguise. You can keep it to yourself or pass it on.

Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on the evening news A.S.A.P so the Christians can stop looking for him.

I am not the author of this lovely piece but it is awesome!!! Pass it around and spread the news to those busybody Christians that won't leave you alone and seem to have lost their Jesus!

Duly passed around ....

Music is Life, Love and Happiness :|: Life is Music. Serren - 1985 - 2005
Religion? Religion is a Blasphemy against humanity - From the film What the Bleep do we know

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Old 6th May 2006, 02:55   #2
eheiney
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Why can't I ever get any random emails like this? All of mine are some seemingly inspiring story that has led someone to Jesus, or about some angel from God who saved them from something.

Spiral out, my friend. You will find your way back to yourself, we all will.
I'll be waiting, and shall see you on the other side...
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Old 6th May 2006, 03:09   #3
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BWAHAhahahaha... That was great!
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Old 6th May 2006, 03:13   #4
deeder7001
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kinda makes me think of the mormons that kept trying to tell me that being a mormon is the way(or something like that).

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Old 6th May 2006, 04:47   #5
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Check out this guy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/
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Old 6th May 2006, 05:29   #6
Fickle
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Nothing worse than Christians hawking Jesus than people wanting attention for not believing. How clever this guy was! How proud! How obnoxious!

Me personally, I don't question people doing thier missionary thing. I just politely tell them I'm not interested, that is of course if I'm truly not interested. Most of the time I let them talk, because that's thier thing. It's not my job to fuck with peoples religion, or their perception of it. The only thing I object to is calling me an idiot because I question the existance of deities in any shape. The truth is, I don't know. If they think they do, good for them.

There's no glory in fucking with religious people, only antagonism.

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Old 6th May 2006, 06:11   #7
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My old room mate in college seemed to find Jesus in the toilet after long nights of binge drinking - or at least that's where he was facing when talking to Him...

Don't forget to live before you die.
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Old 6th May 2006, 06:18   #8
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The search for the ultimate signature continues apace. I have journeyed from the peaks of Nepal to the depths of oceanic trenches. I have crossed deserts, jungles, swamps, savannas, steppes and frozen wastelands. I have consulted with seers, swamis, sages, scholars and savants. The peregrination proceeds purposefully.
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Old 6th May 2006, 14:35   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by rockouthippie
Check out this guy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/
*ahem*

Last edited by Widdykats; 18th March 2010 at 20:24.
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Old 8th May 2006, 01:05   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by old and quite mad
Roomie!


wondered where you were...

Don't forget to live before you die.
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Old 8th May 2006, 01:15   #11
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I thought that was hilarious. Normally the people we get around here like that aren't typically so urgent, but if I got a lady like that, I don't think I could resist screwing around with her, either.

Once, I happened to have my Mr. Socko handy, and simply replied "Yes.. He is in my pants." then I reached in, and pulled out Mr. Socko, and started talking through him like the autistic in the movie Cube. The person left quickly.

[edit] Come to think of it, That was in San Francisco. [/edit]
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Old 8th May 2006, 06:34   #12
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I just can't wait till the next one knocks on my door

Music is Life, Love and Happiness :|: Life is Music. Serren - 1985 - 2005
Religion? Religion is a Blasphemy against humanity - From the film What the Bleep do we know

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Old 8th May 2006, 15:20   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by rockouthippie
Check out this guy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/
Haha!!

All in the name of God. Some people are just so radical.

-------------------

Did you know!

God spelt backwards spells dog. How amazing, that means that we are surrounded by the pack mentality of the dog's psyche, the so-called "mans best friend" is just a disguise for them. We are all secretly overshadowed by the prying nature of the dog's eye, like messengers to God himself; the Sauron of Earth.

Behold 06,06,06! The day where Earth will fall to the hands to God himself, and his counterpart, the Red Wizard - Satan. Their collaboration will only be detered by the one who is able to destroy the sacred dog collar. Though their efforts will be tested as The 9 Dogs (which upside down is six by the way), enslaved by God himself to slay 'The Collar-bearer'. We all must await this day and prey that our dogs don't remove us from existance.

Itzzz devviiilllll!!!!11

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