Old 19th August 2008, 15:29   #161
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Old 23rd August 2008, 14:15   #162
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Old 24th August 2008, 17:18   #163
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it's the symmetry that makes us complex, we're both real and imaginary.
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Old 25th August 2008, 06:50   #164
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spectro

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Old 25th August 2008, 13:09   #165
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telepathetetic spectre of reflections
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Old 25th August 2008, 19:22   #166
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Old 26th August 2008, 04:50   #167
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Old 26th August 2008, 07:52   #168
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Old 26th August 2008, 11:26   #169
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Old 26th August 2008, 23:31   #170
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quick-witted wink at the high-functioning writers guild bot net
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Old 29th August 2008, 05:27   #171
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Old 29th August 2008, 08:09   #172
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countertransference

it is a long time ago we've talked a word. how are you? i'm not very fine these days. really, every once a while i am thinking i run into a psychosis. It seems, everywhere i go, topics are alienation (plus even alien abduction), war & commercial breakdown, secret agents and espionage and last but not least questions of who can you trust and i am a psychic. Maybe i pushed this reflection thingy a little bit too hard (or not hard enough) - it is haunting me. I can't close my eyes to all those innuendos and i don't mean yours. Have you ever considered yourself as the center, or you can call it a 'one man target audience', of a worldwide conspiration? TV is its spearhead and the interweb its hiding place. I know very well it is only my distorted interpretation of things & stuff and most of the time it does me good, but it is starting to change and it's aggressive.
infinite symbolism opened up a door and i'm scared this might be a trap. But on the other hand it feels so correct. yes, i want it even though i don't know where it will bring us all.

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Old 29th August 2008, 10:21   #173
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adjust

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hmmm. i am up and down a lot, though i think i am used to it enough to cope. i was depressed at work today. i mean, there's this guy there that is pretty smart, well, a number of them. but a lot of guys here in good old utah are lds (mormon) and so certain desirable and undesirable things go with the territory. anyway, this guy is interested in things i am, conservation, living more with nature, being self-sufficient, science in general, blah blah. i am not an outgoing dude by any means, but i talked to him a week ago about some things in which i thought he might be interested for his gardening. one is terra preta, for which there is a great wikipedia article. another is a site which i got into called peswiki.org due to being a in a band with this free energy guy's son. i tell this guy at work about them, he comes off as being interested. but all too often, probably because I don't follow through, i disappoint myself in others. i feel, hey, i served the ball, now reciprocate. and he said, seemingly sincerely, 'we ought to talk after work sometime'. but i know that if i don't continue to do what feels to me like "bug" him, then nothing's going to happen. but he even gave this little speech when we talked about how we as a society are becoming hyper-independent, less and less local, etc. i guess i have to realize he has a family, and that comes first. so i don't know man. it's frustrating.

being human and easily feeling paranoid on many levels, i simultaneously crave isolation and fulfilling company like that.

i crave isolation so i 'believe' more easily that when people come to me, it is sincere. i crave isolation because the things i enjoy don't tend to be a team sport in most people's lives. take milkdrop. i love it. but it could always be better. it is very possible for many people to get together and enjoy this, but sociologically, it doesn't seem to, yet, be something for groups, or at least as the focal point in a group. that said, it gets old sometimes, but never for long for me.

i know i am human, and in many ways want to get away from it, and in other ways, knowing it is ephemeral, i feel i am neglecting the 'responsibility' of embracing the experience, on wholesome levels, and bizarre ones, by sort of trying to be so objective, i lose human objectivity. i crave company because of the cold-hearted fact that i need oxytocin or other pheromones/hormones to stop feeling crazy about some things probably. it's somewhat of a danger, especially if you're not aware of it, to isolate yourself as a human. well, if you believe that's how we evolved that's, like so many things, and simplfication. many sociological pressures contradict evolutionarily developed needs anyway, i think.

anyway, i doubt your trial is social necessarily. i mean, even with you, i always think, this guy could be anyone, just trying to bait me, fuck with me, blah blah. i've felt manipulated by enough people in life to also crave isolation so i don't have to be paranoid.

sure, i often think in egotistcal extremes, like the truman show, or worse, solipsism. for one of my silly opinions, it's all a bunch of superimposed realities. subjective consciousness is an illusion created by one bored being, maybe, to fulfill every possibility. i go through more regular cycles of elitism (though maybe i shouldn't take your 'elite student' statment too literally?). but then i come across someone like you who can whip out a mobius and talk like it's easy, which at your level is probably somewhat true. then again, i have differing goals with md. and i digress, but the point is every person has something they're better at than most people. nobody gets to be the ultimate superior. even Nietzsche admitted mediocrity was, for now, the best survival strategy for the whole, though the elite must exist. one of the most stable principles of life is diversity, which goes hand in hand with mediocrity. but then Nietzsche also ephasized the overman, the importance of striving, and through pain, to be elite despite the status quo of mediocrity.

or maybe you're really in deeper, like my sister, who is a paranoid schizophrenic, who believes her own mother lied to her about being her mother, which in my morbid way of thinking is kid of cool or funny. i mean, once society perceives you as a threat, it's only a matter of time before it doesn't matter anyway. i mean, i don't know you, but do you think you're a threat to yourself or others? i sometimes worry i could be someday, but not now. i mean, i'm kind of at the age where a male settle down anyway, i don't feel like i need to conquer the world like maybe i once did.

symbols are what everything is, and really everything is a brainwashing game of symbols in that sense. we are bombarded from birth as to how to correlate all these representations, and it's hard to turn back after our softwiring turns hard. if everything is centered around survival, then the symbols will average out over the population to accomplish perpetuating the species. if you have discovered a better goal, go for it. but anything that symbolizes a threat to humanity will always have to be occulted if you want it to continue. society seems to be moving toward openness though, and you can often find a group with similar goals. but even in any group, you end up having to deal with countervailing forces, egos.

that's why i like art, you can channel all your bizarre imaginations, prohuman or not, into it, and you don't have to explain it and can enjoy it forever, without harming anything that wasn't already primed to harm itself.

but then, in some, the mind still craves, for example, really taking a blade and destroying a person, for various reasons, or shouting insane blasphemies at the top of your lungs in the marketplace. art can only go so far for some. i'd really want someone like you to stay safe, because, artistically, you contribute a great deal to many lives, in a positive (human survival?) way. but then i'd be hypocrite to advise, well, anything. it seems necessary, for some, to delve into our own invented bizarre rites of passage, phases, and rebellions at some point. let it take you where you will.

yesterday, i ate some more of the chilly my neighbor had promised for a while, along with a high fiber blueberry drink that was reduced in price at smith's. i have thus been gassing up my condo something extreme for the past 24 hours; another reason for isolation.

anyway, i say pour your feelings into art if it can keep you safe. if it can't, then maybe it was inevitable anyway. but then prison, or possibly even death, aren't the end of art. the more i have lived, the less i have desired to save anyone, and the more i have realized pain is all too useful, even though i'm sure all always resist it. so all i'm saying is, i'm certainly not trying to save you, and if you feel not saved someday, or damned, that can be art and pain and just as useful as any other magick.

this vid and band has been one of my favorite for over year now. enjoy or don't.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGZrOrBoadQ
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Old 29th August 2008, 10:32   #174
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oh, for lyrics to 'the sweyy' check out
http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=5471
and go to the individual albums, in this case, 'the sweyy' is also the album.

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Old 29th August 2008, 14:05   #175
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaCU4w2HTco

hey, you actually built me up a little bit. And no, i don't think i am a threat to anyone. Quite the contrary I think i can back up other people very well. It's just my imagination which is on a rampage.
There are several cases of different types of schizophrenia in my family and sometimes i need to let off steam and freak out. Since this is quite scary for others, i chose to do it secretly. But the last days i felt quite unsure if i will be able to control it this way for longer. Anyway, Sociopathy or Nihilism is nothing for me. I am rather bipolar for a reason than cocooning myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbPA58xJI24

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Old 31st August 2008, 09:21   #176
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love

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Old 31st August 2008, 15:02   #177
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Old 2nd September 2008, 23:55   #178
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hm, i always wondered whether you practice any kind of occult magick. It's about one year ago that i joined an online chaos magic group, because i was attracted by the term chaos. but more from a mathematical point of view. we had some very companionable discussions about intelligence, emergent phenomena like morphic fields and even summoning egregores. By this time i experienced a very lot of strange fortuities, which were at best explained by some sort of spirit. Then a small bunch of people separated to create a black magic order but that was just to wicked for me and i separated as well in doing on my own milkdrop stuff. All in all this period made me somehow open-minded for peoples beliefs (Pan, Wicca, whatsoever. i guess i am a Discordian, but i'm not sure about it) and i still can't get rid of the feeling that i am observed by some of them. It's not that i have left the group, we just diverged. My other experience was that as you do choices in your life, you choose some alternative realities to become true or not. As for me i can only state that i actually want part of it to be true as for example my pseudo-scientific ideas of channeling and exploitation of space and truth, and quantum mechanics allowing weird loops in causality. I even like the impression of an indirect quantum-field-mechanistic influence on humanities hyper-consciousness. But then again i see cultural spreading phenomena as simplest differential equations just like symbols that ride on the ripples of the space-time-continuum. Life is dull, but it not only has the best graphics but also allows stuff like consciousness and the impression of a free will (and this is no statement, whether there is one or not). I laugh at people and linear thinking as people and chaos laugh at me - nice symbiosis. If people can laugh at it, it must be some sort of true. There are many approaches to it. In my opinion the big bang is the outcome of where we are right now. The universes shape is only determined by its ability to know itself, which in the end is the outcome of the partial derivatives that shape our laws of physics which in the end allowed to hierarchically shape atoms, stars and planets, and finally earths ecosphere. Playing with Milkdrop is somehow playing with another type of abstract primordial soup for me, there's anything in there. It's like taking a mathematical eggbeater and being enraptured by my own abstract creations. Most people want to have a world they can predict and rely on, i want incompleteness and oscillating logic.

edit: aaargh my cohabiter just sent me this link via icq. i just don't know where to put all those synchronicities. 'i can see the fnords!'

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Old 3rd September 2008, 03:09   #179
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mage ic

i'm not formally into any magick. black magick is a tough one for me because i can never think of a goal, it would ultimately have to be recreational for me to ever get involved, ie, actually perform rituals. i do like to read about it and think about it though, so i guess i'm a metamagickian most of the time. the idea that you can simply dream a reality (like when we dream, that dream) and live in it is kind of the intriguing part to me. it really means, to me at least, you can live as many separate lives as you want, but apparently in this vessel, only one at a time. and that even leads to, well, what the hell do i want? ultimately, i don't know. i find myself not desiring anything in particular. well, a real-time interactive holographic biofeedback version of milkdrop that reacts to timbre would be a good start, but i'm in not rush, and i'd get bored of it like anything else. i've read some crowley, casteneda, seth, internet kaballah stuffs, tool site, and bunch of other crap i can't remember. but to me, there aren't any limits, and you might as well do some experimentation, though i still find myself stuck in the western phallic idea that you need some kind of goal. so, chaos magick is appealing to me because you don't have a whole lot of rules, or can pick and choose, but those that seem to adopt a rigorous system seem to warn against being to0 experimental because it can have bad long term consequences if you mess up. heck, even my neighbor has had some seriously fucked up experiences without ever practicing any formal magick. i think some people are just more sensitive to it, though i am skeptical of all claims unless i see something myself, and then i remain quite skeptical still. white magick is just as perplexing, because it never seems apt to heal someone when that healing could lead to later problems. i mean, pain is half the fun of anything anyway. i'm not going to go around causing it necessarily, but going around relieving it seems just as amoral potentially. again, humanity hardly seems like the end of things, it is just the most rudimentary beginning to what kind of life could exist, of what kind of perceptions life could develop, hell, we have no real idea what some animals feel/sense and maybe never will. i figure there is an omniverse of possibilities that all exist simultaneously and always have, that there is no real new thing, that everything that appears new to a subjective being is just a redundancy occurring infinitely many times elsewhere. sure, you can direct your subjectivity if you want, but it's sometimes nice just to try to enjoy the ride. i think of how easy it is to get bored. maybe in other lives, it is hard to be bored, so we meditate ourselves into this life to escape, same goes for pain. we aren't experiencing enough contrast, so maybe we make up this reality to compensate. if dmt and dreams can make people perceive realities that feel more real than this one, it's only then a matter of practice if you want to get there. eventually the whole race probably transmutes there. and then on from there. but what is the goal ever? it's all just endless building of subjectivities until maybe you see it all at some point, get bored of that and start over. who knows.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 03:46   #180
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDs3NSBJ9kM&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BikTKdmPans
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuOGTKLSSKU

no?

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Old 3rd September 2008, 10:19   #181
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not really. i really like dystopia in movies, but death metal is just not my taste in music. When i first realized there's also music in our local libraries, i heard quite a lot of the old NYHC (Sick Of It All, Agnostic Front,...) and some german crossover and fun-punk. but i soon found me on two separated lanes: i was an Emo before it was hyped and a meme, and i also very like the whole IDM-universe. And to come to full circles i also found Mike Patton in there:
Björk - where is the line
Kid606 feat. Mike Patton - secrets for sale
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Old 3rd September 2008, 23:14   #182
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aah so cool. todays 'The Gabriel Effect' penny arcade comic was even more direct.

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Old 4th September 2008, 11:24   #184
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sex magick

()
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Old 5th September 2008, 13:29   #185
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Wake up everybody! Wake up! You’ve all been sound asleep woo, here’s breakfast bears to eat. Your dreams are over, its seven o’clock, graham cereals they can’t be beat.
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Old 6th September 2008, 09:13   #186
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Hey, thats cute! Is that you in the picture, Flexi ?
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Old 6th September 2008, 10:47   #187
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yes, but that pic is from 2004
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Old 9th September 2008, 08:33   #188
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warez

fred ackers when you need him?
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Old 9th September 2008, 09:10   #189
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flexi or nitorami, have you ever considered using a dds texture as noted is possible in the authoring doc? just curious.

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Old 9th September 2008, 09:37   #190
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considered yes. i wish i had a 3d scan of my brain
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Old 9th September 2008, 17:57   #191
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I am not really sure about the usefulness of the 3D texture and haven't tried it yet. I think it can be used as a staple of pictures to be displayed in one preset, for instance to create a small animation or what. We are talking 8 pictures for instance, therefore the resolution per picture must be limited even more than for normal textures otherwise you'll get unacceptable loading times.

However, other than the name might imply, the 3D textures do not really provide 3D capabilities, if that is what you might have considered. 3D as used in games since Castle Wolfenstein definitely requires things like hidden surface detection and projection etc., and to my understanding the shader units can nowadays do this largely on their own, but milkdrop doesn't support ist. Therefore if you want a 3D impression all you can do is to use tricks as I did in many of my presets, or as Flexi did in his Sierpinski triangle preset - explore space not drugs.

I might give it a try however, just to see how it works.
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Old 11th September 2008, 17:25   #192
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puce sleet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVGPgUh_zm0
http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=5471
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Old 11th September 2008, 17:58   #193
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I missioned to try get the md to sample a cube map. So far as I can tell when you define a sampler it's only specifies the texture as 2d so when you try sample another face of the cube

i.e

float3 uvx = float3(uv, 1);
texCUBE(sampler_cube, uvx);

an then
float3 xuv = float3(1, uv);
texCUBE(sampler_cube, xuv);

You will get be the same face of the cube but fliped over.
Maybe I am doing something wrong will have to test some more.
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Old 11th September 2008, 18:18   #194
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@Orb: i thought of a use of the tex3d(3dsampler, float3); function.

@martin: if you have got a real cubic voxel, you can pick any slice out of it - and that may not only be a plane, imagine a saddle or mexican hat - therefore even simplest geometrical patterns in 3D could be easily distorted and then morphed in more than 2 dimensions. i think thats kinda cool, but i also don't know how to create such files. What you get is not an immediate 3D impression, but you can pick branes from a 3D world. For example with a 3D tomography scan you can rotate and shift a slice of in all 3 dimensions. As for an organ like the brain, this texture had to be very big with many slices, but i also think of simple geometric patterns like holes in a piece of cheese
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Old 12th September 2008, 19:34   #195
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That makes sense. I will try and see if the interpolates in z-direction, otherwise this would not be of much use. Unfortunately I do have an MRI of my brain ... I might use this as input once I get around to scan the slides.
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Old 13th September 2008, 00:13   #196
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shez

welfal
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Old 14th September 2008, 08:27   #197
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fjffdjf d d f r r r r s s s sr r sr s r

orf orf orf arf
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Old 18th September 2008, 21:47   #198
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i don't even remember how this mashup got to this state. it's amazing how effective it is to make these though.
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Old 21st September 2008, 08:51   #199
Flexi
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Old 21st September 2008, 20:18   #200
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