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Old 2nd April 2018, 22:59   #241
Fumbling_Foo
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Originally Posted by Virtual Self View Post
Well, when will we see your non-preset projects? We hope to see them soon...
I don't think personal updates really belong here in this board as I don't expect much interest for such in the preset board. I guess I could post the progress I'm making in my personal endeavors elsewhere in the community discussion board(s), but I don't frequent those parts. Still, though, I do feel somewhat eager to share a little bit here .

My current and long-term focus now is more on recovery from schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder, as well as social anxiety. Conventional wisdom teaches a life lived in dependence on major-tranquilizers and an ever-present sense of chance for whether these conditions (especially schizophrenia) will improve or even get worse. There's nothing an individual can do except avoid drugs and alcohol to stay stable with schizophrenia, says the old way of thinking. The illness is from a biological chemical imbalance or even structural abnormalities in the brain, much like were one to lose function of one's ability to use his/her right hand because it got severed in an accident. On a spirit vs science note, this is materialism at its finest.

I've dabbled in alternative thinking since my first psychosis, but I've had limited success and several hospitalizations trying to out-think my illness. It wasn't until very, very recently when I started to get a new perception, a sense of depth to the world, others, and myself, and especially a sense of cause and effect especially within myself that my mental health has finally seemed to improve. Finally, I started to experience a sense of control and mastery over my mind and a sense of responsibility and agency over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior (and "symptoms" of mental illness). This is new, so it will be a while before I can be certain.

I owe my superb therapist much thanks for teaching me what I know and how to use it for my benefit. He is a Choice Theory (by William Glasser) therapist, and I am currently studying and applying the theory to my life (I'm still working on my first reading of the book). The author speaks at length about overcoming the more common problems of depression, anxiety, and relationship issues, but he goes a step further and speaks of serious mental illness working fundamentally the same as other labelled disorders, but with a more painful and incapacitating manifestation. Theoretically, schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder can be recovered from just as depression and anxiety can - medication free. Theoretically, its possible to become weller-than-well.

I've recovered from deep, long-lasting depression, now being keenly aware of when I am "depressing" (verb to depress instead of adjective to be depressed), and I have no reason to ever return to chronic depressing. So, that's an entire side of bi-polar disorder managed; next is mania. I love having the energy of a 5-year-old at 28, but regressing to a toddler at my age is pathological. If such energy can be harnessed without turning into a psychosis and literally overloading and short-circuiting my brain, it would be a tremendous gift as it is to some high-functioning bi-polar people.

But, while prioritizing one aspect of my dysfunction at a time, the others may not politely wait. There's the schizophrenia side of my illness too. Although my psychoses were for periods, the true dysfunction I have with schizophrenia is like a "frozen psychosis" as described in another book I'll get back to. There is more for me to learn before I go in detail here, though. Thanks for your interest, Virtual Self .

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Old 7th April 2018, 21:08   #242
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I wish you get well soon. I wish you a quick recovery. Do not forget, your hobbies will bring you back to life again.
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Old 7th April 2018, 22:24   #243
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Thanks for sharing such a serious and personal details about your life and condition. I'm not sure if your hobbies will get you out of this as Virtual self says but I'm sure it will help a lot to kept you focused on something and avoid to let your mind "fly" to unwanted "places". We all have our "stuff" that helps to channel anxiety or stress, I spent a lot of time searching on me which were those things I enjoyed and helped me to channel inner stuff I can't otherwise, since I find it I tried to stick to it whenever I need to (like photography on trips I don't do for pleasure or parties I attend by "obligation") or as much as possible if it's time demanding (like skinning heh).

I had a friend with a similar condition to yours, he moved with his family some time ago so I lost contact with him, but I could learn a thing or two about how a person can have some form of "life" after being diagnosed. There are a lot of things that are hard to control beyond personal hobbies and routine so you need all your strenght and wisdom to face little by little a growing amount of ordinary "acts" that most people take for granted (go out for dinner, stay in populated places, personal confrontation, etc).

Again, thanks for sharing about your personal condition and all your creations/presets too =) .

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Old 8th April 2018, 11:50   #244
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Yes, it has been quite a journey working on the Star Forge project, hakanh . I watched the youtube video and it is quite good. Was it done in real time?

I have a couple ideas about where to go next for another preset project, but haven't put any effort towards them yet. From what I gather you and others are interested in what I will do next, which is very inspiring and comforting, giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling too .

I've been busy with other projects and gaming and the like (I'm having a great time playing Divinity: Original Sin 2), but I'll see if I can fit preset authoring into my schedule again some time .
I'm not exactly sure, but these images are being developed on a C # based custom interface. But as I said earlier I think this video will a great source of inspiration for the development of your "Star Forge" preset. It is so cool. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVnN7Fl_U2I

Of course, if you want to develop the next generation of your preset and if you can see that power in yourself.

And I read last comments. I wish you get well soon...
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Old 11th April 2018, 02:49   #245
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Thanks everyone for the well wishes . I look to eventually becoming "weller-than-well" as my psychiatrist and I test the waters of lower doses of anti-psychotics. Since I started seeing him, over time he has become far less of a believer in the "chemical imbalance" life sentence doctrine and more open to the prospects of recovery from schizophrenia/bi-polar disorder.

I still haven't totally gotten away from Star Forge as of recent. I was planning on potentially releasing a v4 of Harmony Nova, but after careful consideration the latest direction of development hasn't been successful. Flexi, I believe, posted a guide called "The Book of Shaders" in another topic, which I expect may teach me everything I need to know about anything I want to do with milkdrop. What a huge opportunity, I expect; now, the real test of my continued passion for milkdrop begins .

Though, I have to say that I have been quite busy with my growing interests in spirituality and psychology (specifically mental health right now). That's also a very good sign for my recovery from schizophrenia, as one of the more debilitating "negative/deficiency symptoms" is having no motivation or enjoyment.

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Old 21st April 2018, 21:02   #246
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OK guys here's acid mandala v3 with some pimped comp shader code mainly. I had an idea and it seems to have worked well. I tried Martin's code from the darker mod of Star Forge he made and did a couple compatibility tweaks to make the "mashup" work well with it. This is a good indicator that I've at least learned something while working on Star Forge, yay . Simply doing a quick (random) mashup would have produced less results; I had to tinker with the code a bit to make this one happen.

It's going to be a bit brighter than the previous version, but there's more frequent and a better variety of patterns which, also this time, seem to go to the music in mysterious but fitting ways. Finally, the patterns, at least for certain songs, seem to fill the entire screen more often. I think there's enough of an improvement to release v3 now, still yet to cover the shader guide .

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Old 28th April 2018, 15:43   #247
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Finally, you tried something in the composite shader. Colors adjustments and shine effect balances are very good. I really like it.
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Old 29th April 2018, 15:08   #248
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Thanks a *whole lot* for the feedback hakanh, I'm glad you liked it . I had a feeling this vein of development would be a good for the preset . I feel though that it could use a little adjustment, so here is a v3a. I can't guarantee that its a significant change, though, as the changes are incremental, but it features a more centrally-defined center mandala waveform and a tweak in the comp shader to reduce the "washout" effect. Enjoy and I hope this latest version is considered in winamp 5.8 !

Like my avatar? Check out my Star Forge preset project .
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Old 10th May 2018, 04:13   #249
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After a lot of testing, I believe it is time to release v3b. There may be more of a difference from v3a to v3b than from v3 to v3a. Clearer and somewhat prettier patterns, tries to look more interesting during the previously dull moments, a bit more dynamic yet a bit more musical. This will be as good as it will get with the current code, so I wouldn't expect a v3c.

I will have to look into custom shapes or learn how to program custom waves to do anything more with the preset. A lot of potential there if I can develop the skill, as these elements have basically been the same since the very beginning.

Anyways, I hope this latest version of Acid Mandala is considered in winamp 5.8 .

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Old 17th May 2018, 15:43   #250
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Looks like there will be a v3c after all. I'm chasing the dragon of getting things just right for the preset. The changes are subtle in this version, but after reviewing the past three releases of this version I think I'm going in the right direction, and, small as the changes may be, I am very impressed with this latest version.

I do indeed have ideas for a v4, but no idea how to make it happen. Perhaps cleverly implemented shape code will provide the additional patterns to really make the preset shine, but I don't know how to do anything other than basic motion at best for the shapes.

Perhaps I could jazz up the wave code, but I'm equally clueless here.

Or, perhaps I could play around with the "fins" in martin's comp shader code, but I don't know how to make them not all be the same size at the same time and do some cool rotational motion around the center, perhaps compounding the patterns as they interfere with each other.

Anyway, here's v3c and I hope this latest version is considered in winamp 5.8 .

Edit: I had another idea within a couple of hours for this preset, so here's v3d. There are only a couple of changes to the code in v3c, but the warp shader is improved and thus should present better patterns for the comp shader to interpret. Cheers .

Like my avatar? Check out my Star Forge preset project .

Last edited by Fumbling_Foo; 17th May 2018 at 17:38.
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