Old 28th May 2013, 20:59   #1
NJK
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life is fragile

2 years ago my sister got breast cancer.
She got therapy and got better.
Last week she suddenly got sick, got dizzy ,couldn't keep her food inside and lost a lot of weight.

today she had a scan and it showed that the cancer spread out to her brain.

You can imagine that comming home from work and getting such a phone call turns your world upside down.

We spend the evening in the hospital with her and my brother inlaw.

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Old 28th May 2013, 23:35   #2
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Hello NJK, I am so sorry for You...
February 1991 the cousine of my mother had died with only 46 years, the only one related person of my old family, who had accepted me, although I am the second-born and not the first-born child (my mother's sister had treatened me like the scum, because I am not the first-born child, and also for my father's sister as the second-born child I wasn't very stately)...
March 2003 my father had died with 74 years. His last weeks were very terrible, and I had already the gloomy foreboding. And when my father had died and I dared to cry in a room, while many other people were sitting there, a woman had only yelled at me and forced me to leave the room, before the other people had the opportunity to help me (nobody had expected her behaviour)...
I experienced also many terrible telephone calls (I cannot count them anymore). On the evening before I had visited my mother, we had a nice talk for 2 hours, then I visited the square for 1 hour. It was a very nice evening. everything was okay, although I myself am in a very bad situation. On the next morning the terrible telephone call came: "Your mother is in the hospital, the apartment is burnt!"...
You are right, life is fragile, and anyone can suddenly be dead on the next day...
I wish all the best for You and take the time, which You will need now...

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Old 29th May 2013, 03:26   #3
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I'm very sorry to hear the news. What is something that you and other family members can do to make her stay more bearable? If she's awake and alert, is there something you can bring to her room that you could do together to make things a bit better for her?

I know it's hard to deal with, especially having been through it with my family members, but sometimes it helps to have something there to keep the time more bearable. With my aunt it was photo albums. With my cousin it was a laptop, ipad, card games, movies, Monday Night Football and a couple smuggled snacks and even drinks of all things (the nurse allowed it).

Is there anything you can think of to make your and her time there better?

Don't forget to live before you die.
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Old 29th May 2013, 13:30   #4
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I'm so sorry, Nick. The best people here seem to have awful things happen to them. I hope she is not in too much pain.
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Old 30th May 2013, 12:31   #5
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I'm so sorry, Nick. I had hoped that she would have been all clear.
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Old 31st May 2013, 18:00   #6
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update

latest news is that it has spread even more inside my sisters body.

At most she has been given a year

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Old 31st May 2013, 18:38   #7
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A cancer can suddenly appear and a cancer can be very fast, I know that...
If a body is examined by a doctor, everything can be okay, and 8 weeks later the doctor can examine the body again and find a tumor in a size of a plum, and after 2 further weeks the whole body can be full with metastases. Or I can discover an "abscess" with my eyes, if it is already too big. An OP can be made, in hope, that it is possible to save the life, then the telephone can ring, because the results of the labor are: "It is a very aggressive cancer". The body seems to be stable, 2 weeks later the doctor discovers: the cancer has spread to the lymph. With medicine an individuum can be kept free of pain, this individuum can have some very nice weeks, and then the death can come very quickly, in only a few hours. And if it is not a cancer, then suddenly kidney weakness can be discovered. At first the results of an examination can say: "Everything is okay.", and a half year later suddenly an individuum can feel much worse, a kidney weakness is discovered, we try everything and 4 days later suddenly the body can get a collapse and the individuum can die very quickly. I am speaking about humans and pets. We have experienced all these scenarios...
My mother's cousine had 8 OPs between her 36th and 46th birthday. She a brain tumor 4 times, and the different skull prostheses had to be replaced many times. She lived in the East-Part of Germany and she was allowed only once per year to visit us in the West-Part of Berlin for 3-4 days. She fighted against her disease for 10 years. When the Berlin Wall came tumbling down, she had to go into the hospital again many times. When she got the 3rd brain tumor, the OP was successful. Then the 4th brain tumor came, and in wasn't possible anymore to excise it completely. A few weeks later she died...
I know another woman. Some years ago 1 breast had to be amputated, some weeks later 1 lymph node had to be excised. Some months ago the doctors discovered 2 brain tumors, the bigger brain tumor had be excised, the other one is under observation. Does that mean, that after a breast cancer a brain tumor can suddenly appear some months later?...
Nick, take the time for Your sister now. If possible, try to do pleasant things together with her, visit the best and most beautiful places and do everything else. Try to enjoy the last weeks or months. All the best for You...

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Old 1st June 2013, 01:56   #8
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Sorry Nick. If there is anything we could do just ask.
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Old 1st June 2013, 17:21   #9
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I'm terribly sorry to hear this Nick.

I went through the same thing with my mother about 15 years ago now. If you want someone to talk to, just holler.

Has anyone discussed brain surgery to remove the tumors? Some are operable while others are not. I can also help with [understanding] such matters as well.

You and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 20:23   #10
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@fc*uk

my mother died 8 years ago in february. She also had cancer.

At the moment they are looking into the options. Brain surgery is one of the last options due to the risk involved.
My sister is now going for quality of life , getting the most out of it while she still can.
One of the first things to do is getting married.

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Old 2nd June 2013, 23:04   #11
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Lost my Aunt to Cancer in the mid 2000's, you have my deepest sympathies.

And I think I speak for all of us when I say: Fuck Cancer.

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Old 3rd June 2013, 09:32   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJK View Post
My sister is now going for quality of life , getting the most out of it while she still can.
One of the first things to do is getting married.
May their day be filled with love and laughter and sunshine.
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Old 3rd June 2013, 15:30   #13
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That sucks. I've lost (am losing) too many family members already.
enjoy the time you have left together. I hope that it'll be years

Jesus loves you [yes, you] so much, he even died for you so that you will not need to die, but live forever
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Old 3rd June 2013, 23:25   #14
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May their day be filled with love and laughter and sunshine.
Amen to that! How nice for her .
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Old 5th June 2013, 12:41   #15
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Deepest sympathies my friend. I know your situation all too well.

I hope she has many more love filled days ahead of her.
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Old 5th June 2013, 21:11   #16
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What can ye say really... I lost my dad to that awful sickness... Blessings be with you all...

My thoughts are with you .. stay strong for her..

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Old 5th June 2013, 23:00   #17
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Cancer had happened not only to some of our cats, also to some other family members of Frank's and my family. Frank and I have to live with genetic predispositions...
My mother lost her father, when she was 10 (due to heart attack). When she was 14, she lost her mother (due to colon cancer). Her mother and her cousine (they both) died with only 46 years. I am also 46 years now (with severe depressions since many months). Also some family members in Frank's family died due to cancer...
Only less people were able to defeat the cancer, the most people died after weeks, months, years, although they made very much therapies to fight against the cancer...
When we lost my mother's cousine, someone else told me: "Keep her in good remembrance.", and this is one of the good remembrances: September 1985 I visited with her the "Berliner Schlachtensee", a lake in Berlin-Zehlendorf. May 2012 I returned to this lake, and I visited it 3 times (alone)...

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Old 6th June 2013, 01:16   #18
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@ Nick: I take it that means the tumors are either deep brain or located right on the brain stem then? Proton therapy even a remote possibility? I know England sends their patients to where my wife works all expenses covered as the UK does not have a proton beam yet. Might be a possibility for you/your sister as well.

Again, just trying to be a source of help for both you and your sister...

To answer why I know such things, let's just say my wife works directly in this (brain) field.

I am sorry to hear about your mother as well. I know how hard that can be...
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Old 6th June 2013, 03:40   #19
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I forgot to mention, that after her father and her mother (my grandparents) my mother had lost also her brother. In the Second World War he was forced to be a soldier, and he was injured. After the Second World War he was arrested, the Russians got him, when it was night (he wanted to go to an event on the next day, together with my mother). He didn't die due to his lymphatic cancer, he was shot, executed in prison. Later all three houses of my mother, her own sister and her sister-in-law were taken away by the State...
But I don't want to deviate too much from the topic here now...

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Old 7th June 2013, 00:02   #20
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At most she has been given a year
Make sure her treatment services her comfort exclusively. Brain cancer is one of those things where doctors can keep you alive a little longer, but you might wish they didn't.

This is gonna be very bad.

This might help. I think there is a little mercy. I think you can only feel so much pain and sick. It looks terrible to the rest of us, but I think there is some mercy. I think at a certain point, it just doesn't register any more. If it were me, I would be trying to line up the ability to get some heroin, just in case things get too hairy for morphine.

I've been around brain cancer. Well... it's a bad death. It's painful and it sucks. On the bright side, you won't live.
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Old 20th June 2013, 19:18   #21
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Nick mate, work mate of mine went through exactly this a couple of years, wasn't a fun time at all, i won't offer any words that will make a difference to you, however, you know where to get a hold of me outside these walls if you ever need an escape from it and just to shoot the shit about anything other than this.
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Old 20th June 2013, 20:24   #22
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I see, I didn't post the links to my threads yet:
http://forums.winamp.com/showthread.php?t=351718
http://forums.winamp.com/showthread.php?t=364321
Life is fragile...
Everything in a life seems to be okay, suddenly an accident can happen, while sitting in a car, while walking as a passenger, but the person can fall also at home and break the neck, or the person can get a heart attack or stroke. Or the routine-check by a doctor gives the results "Everything is okay.", and 3 months later cancer is discovered...
I have to mention also the violence and crime. There are not only predatory people, also people with prejudices and hate. 2 people can cross the way, a dispute (a violent quarrel) can begin, suddenly one of the 2 contrahents holds a knife in his hand, and then the other contrahent is dead or at least this person has been injured. I remember the news in the TV & newspapers, when a man had visited together with his friend a party, he had accidentally bumped into another man, and suddenly the other man had killed him. His wife with the little son had widowed, and the family had depts on the house...
Not only a water damage or a fire can happen, also floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes (many people have to live in such areas). We had floods in much areas in Germany now. Many people have lost their houses. On the day before everything can be okay, but suddenly, on the next day, an earthquake can happen, and the people can die or at least they can lose their houses. And I don't want to forget also the Second World War and the bombs, which had destroyed many houses in the cities...
Life is fragile...
You get a hold from me, too, Nick...

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Old 20th June 2013, 21:03   #23
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update

My sister and brother inlaw got married today.
No big party but a small official gathering at cityhall and after that a cup of coffee with cake.

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Old 23rd June 2013, 05:56   #24
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My best wishes for them. I hope they can spend a long, happy time together.
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Old 27th June 2013, 11:23   #25
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update

My sister and brother inlaw got married today.
No big party but a small official gathering at cityhall and after that a cup of coffee with cake.
I'm so glad they got married
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Old 6th July 2013, 21:20   #26
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Thank you for all your kind words

My sister passed away on the 6th of july at 08.15 CET.

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Old 6th July 2013, 21:24   #27
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I am so sorry for You, Nick...
The death comes faster than we think. December 2002 my father had been brought into the hospital because of a pneumonia. The doctors told me: "No, Your father will not become 80. We cannot give him a very long time anymore. Maybe he can become 75, maybe not!". He didn't become 75. In January 2003 I had nightmares, I dreamed of the burial, and I always had fears. On 6th March 2003 I had visited my parents, also a long-time friend of my father came. The nurse from the nursing-station told me: "Don't worry, everything is okay." When she came again, she came together with the police and emergency, and she saw him dead. The long-time friend was apalled, when he got the telephone call from my mother. I was already on a meeting, suddenly Frank appeared, and I had already known, why. My father didn't look very good anymore, but I would have given him some more days. I didn't know, that his death would come so fast...
May Your sister rest in peace...

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Old 6th July 2013, 22:13   #28
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Thank you for all your kind words

My sister passed away on the 6th of july at 08.15 CET.
I'm so sorry, Nick. Fucking shame.
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Old 7th July 2013, 16:50   #29
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It's a very sad news .My prayers are with you hope everything will be fine.
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Old 7th July 2013, 18:29   #30
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Losing your sister has got to be hard. I hope you'll be ok.
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Old 16th July 2013, 21:06   #31
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Sorry to hear of this. The only remotely positive thing I can say is it's good that you get to say goodbye... my father passed away very suddenly and left quite a mess for the family. We didn't get to say our goodbyes as he never regained consciousness in the hospital, and it left a very empty feeling for those of us left.
Sorry again for what you are going through.

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Old 17th July 2013, 18:02   #32
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I somehow missed the last posts. My condolences man.

Jesus loves you [yes, you] so much, he even died for you so that you will not need to die, but live forever
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Old 19th July 2013, 14:08   #33
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I'm gonna be 51 on Tuesday. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna be the last man standing.
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Old 19th July 2013, 15:05   #34
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In August I will become 47, and then I will have survived the old family curse. 2 other female family-related of my mother, her cousine and her mother, had become only 46, and I had always thought: Who would be the third female family-related of my mother?...
But why do many people have to die with 49, before they can become 50? This is not fair...
In our old community in Berlin, which doesn't exist anymore, Summer 2002 a very good man went to the retirement with 60. December 2007 I saw him the last time. 3 days ago I met another man from the old community in the city hall, and he told me, that this most loving human had died 5 years ago. He was unique, nobody can replace him...
Life is fragile, on the day before or a few hours ago everything can be okay, and then comes the big bang. Oh yes, 6 days ago the big bang came. I still have to check out, what is different now from that, before the big bang came...

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Old 19th July 2013, 15:26   #35
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My German is a little rusty sweetie but:

Sie besitzen nur, was Sie verschenkte

You only have what you gave away.
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