27th January 2003, 13:00
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#1 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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i need to bitch
my god. i just spent an hour and a half in a small room, with little ventilation, and a soldering iron. the light in there was piss poor too. 90minutes of solder fumes...yum. and i burnt my fucking thumb on a piece of copper. bastards, the lot of them. my head hurts, i am tired, my eyes ache and my thumb hurts.
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27th January 2003, 13:03
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#2 |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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Go masturbate, it'll make you feel better.
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27th January 2003, 13:05
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#3 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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i'm in a fucking college library...where can i masturbate? there are people everywhere and i am shy
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27th January 2003, 13:10
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#4 |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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I thought you just spent an hour and a half in a small room with little ventilation , with poor lighting and toxic fumes? Go back there.
From the sound of it anyhow it could almost be like you are back home under the bedsheets  If you sit on your hand untill it goes numb as well before you do it, it'll feel like it's someone else giving you a treat
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27th January 2003, 13:21
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#5 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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Quote:
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27th January 2003, 13:29
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#6 |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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You young 'uns today, you know nothing about madame palm and her five lovely daughters
Well, if the room is full, go seek out a public convenience, lock yourself in a cubicle, that way you can jaff off in peace, and then afterwards while you are there, take an enourmous dump, surely the two nicest feelings known to mankind , all contained in one 4x4 sterile environment. Course you don't have to do them in that order, just makes sense as you will already have a wadged up handfull of bog roll complete with fresh moisturising cream on it ready to wipe  Feeling better yet ?
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27th January 2003, 13:37
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#7 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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suprisingly, i am feeling incredibly ill
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27th January 2003, 14:07
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#8 |
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Rudolf the Red.
(Forum King) 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 9,315
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Seduce a stray dog on your way home and invite it in for 'coffee'.
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27th January 2003, 14:12
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#9 |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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Dogs don't like coffee, your sentence should have read...
Seduce a stray dog on your way home and invite it in and give it a bone... |
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27th January 2003, 19:07
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#10 |
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Mother Trucker
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: in the forest
Posts: 3,493
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ROFLMAO!!! you must be very experienced at whacking your wanker!
god i wish i was a guy 
"Well, got to love you and leave you, need to go get into the shower and rub my hard naked body all over with soapy bubbles, I'll be back later to carry on playing.... It'll take you some time to get over the image of me naked in the shower......mind you don't masturbate to hard thinking about it...." - Mr.Jones |
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27th January 2003, 20:00
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#11 | |
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Capitalist Alumni
Join Date: May 2000
Location: my 4 Houses on Park Place
Posts: 8,687
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Quote:
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27th January 2003, 22:41
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#12 | |
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 60,767
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Quote:
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28th January 2003, 03:25
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#13 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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LMFAO fuckin hell, theyl be forums on masturbation techniques before long, good advice though *rubs chin* (chin... ha)
stray dogs...   
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28th January 2003, 06:15
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#14 |
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Major Dude
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Back in TX finally
Posts: 1,416
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JOnes could be the next sexpert....
maybe we should start a thread about sex and let mr. jones answer our problems...
Like Poetry and art? Visit my DeviantArt Site: www.lilithlairpoetry.deviantart.com |
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28th January 2003, 08:10
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#15 | |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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Quote:
hah, you seriously don't want to do that , any advice I give you will more than likely land you with a kick in the balls or a night in the local police cell So BH, did you try sitting on your hand last night then
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28th January 2003, 08:13
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#16 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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no comment
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28th January 2003, 08:18
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#17 |
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Nothing to say...
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 23,020
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Hahahaha, he did, he did, Points and laughs like a schoolgirl...
Now if that's not realistic enuff for you, try getting an nice freshly baked french loaf , make sure it has that "just from the oven" feel about it, cut the end off and.....
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28th January 2003, 08:40
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#18 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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Quote:
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28th January 2003, 16:31
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#19 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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Heres an idea thats many many times better than that. Get a god damned GF.
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29th January 2003, 12:35
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#20 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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OMG! i do have one! her name is Amy Neath - so fuck you
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29th January 2003, 15:16
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#21 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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You have a GF, then whatr you wasting your time on here for, go enjoy yourself, GFs = less masturbation techniques needed, now go, feel better, you probly do already but hey, im talking complete and total bollocks so dont read this, uh too late
This message will self destruct in 5 years when nobody cares and its been deleted.
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30th January 2003, 17:42
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#22 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Mobil Ave.
Posts: 5,381
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One question: why didnt you use a respirator while soldering? lol
I have to use one while spraypainting cuz it smells like shit and I'll get a migraine in seconds if I inhale the fumes. Soldering doesnt smell much nicer either... "Welcome to the Island of people who know too much."..."Did you really think balloons would stop him?!" See what I'm listening too. |
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8th February 2003, 08:36
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#23 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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cammmawn lets ressurect this thread an have more tips on how to bash teh bishop..... please
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8th February 2003, 20:28
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#24 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Norn Ir'nd, leek...
Posts: 6,287
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im sitting on my hand as we speak
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9th February 2003, 06:32
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#25 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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i meant new tips, that ones already been teseted and proved
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13th February 2003, 01:20
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#26 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: A Yurt
Posts: 474
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tested and proved wrong?!
frankly, when I did that, when I got up it felt kinda like an acupuncture gone horribly wrong mixed with the remotely dim sensation that my one brain cell was operating... then it burned out... There are the standard 3: Hand in "Pocket" Swivel in the too high chair Wedgie Toxic fumes often aid in the acquiring of said boners while spilling hot solder on your pelvic region could increase your vocal range. And we mustn't forget the virtues of Ethanol... |
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13th February 2003, 10:39
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#27 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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lol, n1. The best masturbation aid is a willing female hand
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13th February 2003, 16:59
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#28 |
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: A Yurt
Posts: 474
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Yes, but if we had that, we wouldn't be here posting tips to jack off, would we?
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21st February 2003, 22:22
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#29 | |
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Forum King
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,267
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Quote:
 ), you would have to cut off, or *severely* reduce circulation for quite a while before your hand would go numb, instead of just having a "acupuncture gone horribly wrong" feeling.You could also achieve numb a hand with a bucket of ice (until your hand *starts* to go numb - we don't want any frostbite here), then cutting off circulation manually. Interestingly, in my experience, if you reach the point where you've lost feeling, the circulation returning won't be painful, but more pleasant. Leave it to me to dissect a masturbatory process.
Freedom of speech is the basic freedom of humanity. When you've lost that, you've lost everything. 1\/\/4y 34|<$p4y 1gp4y 33714y, 0d4y 0uy4y? | Roses are #FF0000; Violets are #0000FF; chown -R ${YOU} ~/base The DMCA. It really is that bad. : Count for your life. |
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22nd February 2003, 03:38
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#30 | |
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Little Winged One
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada, now UK
Posts: 4,152
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Quote:
just as feathery as ever |
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22nd February 2003, 03:42
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#31 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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i just found the stray dogs comment a little... disturbing
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22nd February 2003, 03:46
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#32 |
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Little Winged One
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada, now UK
Posts: 4,152
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Yeah, me too, but I'm a girl. Who am I to know what you members of the male species fantasize about?
I'd tell you my fantasy, but no.
just as feathery as ever |
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22nd February 2003, 04:10
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#33 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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whatever were fantasizing about... its not dogs. whatever males are having sex with is never part of the fantasy. I mean you dont get laid and then start thinking about your hand or your "inflatable olga"
AAAnyway...
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22nd February 2003, 15:12
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#34 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,004
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my god...what have is started?
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22nd February 2003, 15:22
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#35 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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your god... what has Mr Jones started?
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22nd February 2003, 20:33
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#36 |
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Little Winged One
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada, now UK
Posts: 4,152
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Yes. First it started with a normal rant, and then masturbation tips... And now look where it is...
just as feathery as ever |
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22nd February 2003, 22:14
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#37 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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started as a rant and now theres dogs and allsorts involved...
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3rd March 2003, 21:33
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#38 |
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Banned
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,027
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Wait...dogs? Sweet Jesus I hope you were joking Jones...
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3rd March 2003, 21:50
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#39 |
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Forum King
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Manchester
Posts: 6,470
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it was phily baby who made the dogs remark
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3rd March 2003, 22:03
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#40 |
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Banned
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,027
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I KNOW THAT!
..... |
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