Favorite Monty Python Quotes! - Page 2

Lain · 15th February 2003, 00:48

and your father smelt of elderberry

Picaune · 15th February 2003, 01:05

Armaments 4:11

"... and the people feasted on the fruit, and the lambs, and the sheep, and the cherries, and the iron-fortified breakfast cereals..."

Picaune · 15th February 2003, 01:06

"And the five questions --"
"Three questions"
"-- Three, questions..."

LawnGnome2005 · 15th February 2003, 01:59

"she turned me into a newt...... well, i got better." or sumthin like that

Fickle · 15th February 2003, 02:01

"I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!"
"But you are dressed like one."
"They dressed me like this."
"Well we did you the hat....and the nose. But she's a witch!"
"She turned me into a newt!
...
"I got better."

Raz · 15th February 2003, 12:57

Noothin could be finer than to be in a vagina in the moooooorning

steak · 16th February 2003, 14:55

"One day son, all this will be yours!"

"What the curtains?"

Picaune · 16th February 2003, 15:03

"No no no. You will stand here, IN the room, and don't let him LEAVE the room. OK?" "OK" ... "What are you doing?!" "Leaving." "No no. You will stay IN the room. ok?" "OK" "and don't let him leave."

anubis2003 · 16th February 2003, 15:07

Stop it! Stop singing!

Picaune · 16th February 2003, 15:10

Sorry, sorry, sorry, I get carried away.... Ha HA [sound of shrieks]

anubis2003 · 16th February 2003, 15:12

And what else burns?

More Witches!

*stares*

SchH · 19th February 2003, 21:55

What, no one has posted this infamous line?????

Spam, spam, spam, spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam

What would the internet be without it???

SchH

Picaune · 19th February 2003, 21:56

I'm not dead yet, I'm getting better, I think I'll go for a walk, I feel happy, I feel ha-::THWONK::

dylman · 20th February 2003, 00:06

Quote:

-[Pilate's main audience chamber. ]

Cntrian: Hail Caesar.
Pilate: Hail.
Cntrian: Only one survivor, Sir.
Pilate: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
Cntrian: What Sir?
Pilate: Thwow him to the floor.
Cntrian: Ah! [Signals Brian be thrown th the floor.]
Brian: Aaah.
Pilate: Huh. Now, what is your name, Jew?
Brian: Brian, sir.
Pilate: Bwian, eh?
Brian: Nono. Brian. [The centurian whaps him across the head.]
Aaah.
Pilate: Hoohoohoohoo. The little wascal has spiwit.
Cntrian: Has what, sir?
Pilate: Spiwit.
Cntrian: Yes, he did, sir.
Pilate: Nono, spiwit, uh. Bwavado, a touch of dewwing-do.
Cntrian: Oh, Ah... About eleven, sir.
Pilate: So. You dare to waid us.
Brian: To what sir?
Pilate: Stwike him, centuwion, vewwy woughly.
--------[The Centurian stwikes him vewwy woughly.]
Brian: Waah!
Cntrian: Oh and uh, throw him to the floor, Sir?
Pilate: What?
Cntrian: Thwow him to the floor again, Sir?
Pilate: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor please.
--------[I won't even bother saying it...]
Brian: Aaah!
Pilate: Now, Jewith wapscallion.
Brian: I'm not Jewish, I'm a Roman!
Pilate: A Wowman?
Brian: Nono, Roman. [] Aah!
Pilate: So, your father was a Wowman. Who was he?
Brian: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison sir.
Pilate: Weally? What was his name?
Brian: Naughtius Maximus.
Cntrian: Wohahahaha!
Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
Cntrian: Well no, sir.
Pilate: Well you sound vewwy sure. Have you checked?
Cntrian: Well no, sir um... I think it's a joke, sir. Like uh... Sillius
Soddus, or... Biggus Dickus sir.
Guard1
Pilate: What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?
Cntrian: Well it's a joke name, sir.
Pilate: I have a vewwy gweat fwiend in Wome called Biggus Dickus.
Guard1
Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewwy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
Brian: Can I go now sir? [] Aaaagh!
Pilate: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!
Guard1
Pilate: Wight! Take him away.
Cntrian: Oh sir, he uh....
Pilate : No no. I want him fighting wabid wild animals within a week.
Cntrian: Yes, sir. Come on you.
Guard1: Hahaha. Hoohoohoo.
Pilate: I will not have my fwends widiculed by the common soldiewy.
Anybody else feel like a little giggul. When I mention my fwend
Biggus ...Dickus.
Guard4 : Huhuhu.
--------[He walks up to guard2, and speaks exaggerately to his face.]
Pilate: What about you? Do you find it wisable, when I say the name... Biggus
Guard2: Parp.
Pilate: ... Dickus?
Guard3
--------[He then walks around to Guards 3 and 4 (The ones beside Brian).]
Pilate: He has a wife you know. You know what she's called? She's called
Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks!
--------[The Guards just crack up laughing.]
Stop! What is all this? I've had enough of this wowdy webel
sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourself Pwaetonian guards?
You're not...
--------[Bwian, sorry Brian siezes his chance, and scarpers.]
Sieze him! Sieze him! Blow your noses and sieze him!

zootm · 20th February 2003, 00:09

biggus dickus himself has the best line, soon afterward.

"thtop, claudiuth! i may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!"

dylman · 20th February 2003, 00:18

"Welease Wodewick!"

"What have the Romans ever done for us?"

"Are there any women here today?"

I just wish I'd spent 10 more seconds on google and found a better transcript than the one I posted. I just spent 5 minutes editing that post and it still only barely makes sense...

anubis2003 · 20th February 2003, 00:32

"Bigus Dickus".

anubis2003 · 20th February 2003, 00:36

And of course the greatest scene from Monty Python and the Life of Brian:

Quote:

JESUS CHRIST: How blest are those who know that He's a god. How blest are
the sorrowful. They shall find consolation. How blest are those of
gentle spirit. They shall have the earth for their possession. How
blest are those who hunger and thirst to see right prevail.
RANDOM: [cough cough]
JESUS: They shall be satisfied. How blest are those whose hearts are pure.
They shall see God...
MANDY: Speak up!
MAN: Shh.
BRIAN: Quiet, Mum.
JESUS: How blest are those of gentle...
MANDY: Well, I can't hear a thing.
JESUS: ...spirit. They shall have the earth for their possession.
MANDY: Let's go t' the stoning.
JESUS: How blest are those...
MR. BIG NOSE: Shh.
JESUS: ...who hunger and thirst...
BRIAN: You can go to a stoning any time.
JESUS: ...to see right...
MANDY: Oh, come on, Brian.
JESUS: ...prevail.
MR. BIG NOSE: Will you be quiet?!
JESUS: How blest are they who have suffered much...
MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't pick your nose.
MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't picking my nose. I was scratching.
MRS. BIG NOSE: You was picking it, while you was talking to that lady.
MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't!
MRS. BIG NOSE: Leave it alone. Give it a rest.
MR. CHEEKY: Do you mind? I can't hear a word he's saying.
MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't you 'do you mind' me. I was talking to my husband.
MR. CHEEKY: Well, go and talk to him somewhere else. I can't hear a bloody
thing.
MR. BIG NOSE: Don't you swear at my wife.
MR. CHEEKY: I was only asking her to shut up, so I can hear what he's
saying, Big Nose.
MRS. BIG NOSE: Don't you call my husband 'Big Nose'!
MR. CHEEKY: Well, he has got a big nose.
GREGORY: Could you be quiet, please?
JESUS: They shall have the earth...
GREGORY: What was that?
JESUS: ...for their possession. How blest are those...
MR. CHEEKY: I don't know. I was too busy talking to Big Nose.
JESUS: ...who hunger and thirst to see...
MAN #1: I think it was 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'
JESUS: ...right prevail.
MRS. GREGORY: Ahh, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
GREGORY: Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It
refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
MR. CHEEKY: See? If you hadn't been going on, we'd have heard that, Big
Nose.
JESUS: How blest are those who...
MR. BIG NOSE: Hey. Say that once more; I'll smash your bloody face in.
MRS. GREGORY: Ohh.
MR. CHEEKY: Better keep listening. Might be a bit about 'Blessed are the
big noses.'
BRIAN: Oh, lay off him.
MR. CHEEKY: Oh, you're not so bad yourself, Conkface. Where are you two
from? Nose City?
MR. BIG NOSE: One more time, mate; I'll take you to the fuckin' cleaners!
MRS. BIG NOSE: Language!
JESUS: ...hunger and thirst to see...
MRS. BIG NOSE: And don't pick your nose.
JESUS: ...right prevail.
MR. BIG NOSE: I wasn't going to pick my nose. I was going to thump him!
MAN #2: You hear that? Blessed are the Greek.
GREGORY: The Greek?
MAN #2: Mmm. Well, apparently, he's going to inherit the earth.
GREGORY: Did anyone catch his name?
MRS. BIG NOSE: You're not going to thump anybody.
MR. BIG NOSE: I'll thump him if he calls me 'Big Nose' again.
MR. CHEEKY: Oh, shut up, Big Nose.
MR. BIG NOSE: Ah! All right. I warned you. I really will slug you so
hard--
MRS. BIG NOSE: Oh, it's the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice,
isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell
of a time.
MR. CHEEKY: Listen. I'm only telling the truth. You have got a very big
nose.
MR. BIG NOSE: Hey. Your nose is going to be three foot wide across your
face by the time I've finished with you!
MAN #1 and MAN #2: Shhh.
MR. CHEEKY: Well, who hit yours, then? Goliath's big brother?
MR. BIG NOSE: Oh. Right. That's your last warning.
MRS. GREGORY: Oh, do pipe down.
[MR. BIG NOSE slugs MRS. GREGORY]
Oh!
[MR. BIG NOSE and GREGORY fight]
GREGORY: Oh!
MRS. GREGORY: Awa?
MR. BIG NOSE: Silly bitch. Get in the way on me?...
MRS. GREGORY: Ow!...
MR. BIG NOSE: Break it up-- oh. Oh!
MANDY: Oh, come on. Let's go to the stoning.
BRIAN: All right.

White Raven · 20th February 2003, 01:07

I like the Killer Rabbit and the Nights of "Neeh!." The Knight who says "Come back here, I'll bite your ankles to death!" Really cracks me up, too.

Go Holy Grail.

(Something I made up in grade four: "The Holy Grail Is A Popcan" it was a skit and it was pretty funny.)

Picaune · 20th February 2003, 02:14

NI!

Scar Da Kookee · 20th February 2003, 15:15

Man in bar: *To tother man* "So tell me, are yo interested in Photography?. You know, Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink, Grin, Grin, SAy no more!"

2nd man: "No, I'm afrid not..."

1st man: "Of course, you know, In the bedroom. Wink, wink, grin, grin, snicker, snicker, say no more!"

Obedo · 20th February 2003, 16:10

Quote:

Originally posted by dylman
"Welease Wodewick!"

[Pilate]Welease Wedewick!
[man]We have no Redewick
[Pilate]Who is this Wedewick?!!!
[man in crowed] He's A Wober!!!

Love that little bite

15th February 2003, 02:01	#45
Fickle Butterknife of Justice (Forum King) Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Behind you. Posts: 5,502	"I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!" "But you are dressed like one." "They dressed me like this." "Well we did you the hat....and the nose. But she's a witch!" "She turned me into a newt! ... "I got better." Go read a book without pictures pabook? \| Look, a blog! \| Buy Stuff I Wrote

16th February 2003, 15:07	#49
anubis2003 Forum King Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: middle of somewhere Posts: 5,564	Stop it! Stop singing! [Over The Monkey] \| [My DeviantArt] \| [Se ti] \| [Atmo Digital Design Forums]

16th February 2003, 15:12	#51
anubis2003 Forum King Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: middle of somewhere Posts: 5,564	And what else burns? More Witches! stares [Over The Monkey] \| [My DeviantArt] \| [Se ti] \| [Atmo Digital Design Forums]

20th February 2003, 00:18	#56
dylman Forum King Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Hawarden Posts: 2,115	"Welease Wodewick!" "What have the Romans ever done for us?" "Are there any women here today?" I just wish I'd spent 10 more seconds on google and found a better transcript than the one I posted. I just spent 5 minutes editing that post and it still only barely makes sense... There's no need to tell me when I'm right; I operate on that principle exclusively and with absolute certainty

20th February 2003, 00:32	#57
anubis2003 Forum King Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: middle of somewhere Posts: 5,564	"Bigus Dickus". [Over The Monkey] \| [My DeviantArt] \| [Se ti] \| [Atmo Digital Design Forums]

15th February 2003, 00:48	#41
Lain Major Dudette Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Saratoga NY Posts: 722	and your father smelt of elderberry

15th February 2003, 01:05	#42
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	Armaments 4:11 "... and the people feasted on the fruit, and the lambs, and the sheep, and the cherries, and the iron-fortified breakfast cereals..."

15th February 2003, 01:06	#43
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	"And the five questions --" "Three questions" "-- Three, questions..."

15th February 2003, 01:59	#44
LawnGnome2005 Major Dude Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 598	"she turned me into a newt...... well, i got better." or sumthin like that

15th February 2003, 12:57	#46
Raz Forum King Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Manchester Posts: 6,470	Noothin could be finer than to be in a vagina in the moooooorning

16th February 2003, 14:55	#47
steak Major Dude Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Zooropa Posts: 820	"One day son, all this will be yours!" "What the curtains?"

16th February 2003, 15:03	#48
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	"No no no. You will stand here, IN the room, and don't let him LEAVE the room. OK?" "OK" ... "What are you doing?!" "Leaving." "No no. You will stay IN the room. ok?" "OK" "and don't let him leave."

16th February 2003, 15:10	#50
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	Sorry, sorry, sorry, I get carried away.... Ha HA [sound of shrieks]

19th February 2003, 21:55	#52
SchH Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 2	What, no one has posted this *infamous* line????? Spam, spam, spam, spam Spam, spam, spam, spam What would the internet be without it??? SchH

19th February 2003, 21:56	#53
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	I'm not dead yet, I'm getting better, I think I'll go for a walk, I feel happy, I feel ha-::THWONK::

20th February 2003, 00:09	#55
zootm Forum King Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the nether reaches of bonnie scotland Posts: 13,375	biggus dickus himself has the best line, soon afterward. "thtop, claudiuth! i may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!"

20th February 2003, 01:07	#59
White Raven Little Winged One Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Canada, now UK Posts: 4,174	I like the Killer Rabbit and the Nights of "Neeh!." The Knight who says "Come back here, I'll bite your ankles to death!" Really cracks me up, too. Go Holy Grail. (Something I made up in grade four: "The Holy Grail Is A Popcan" it was a skit and it was pretty funny.) just as feathery as ever \| portfolio \| a poignant quote

20th February 2003, 02:14	#60
Picaune Banned Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A Yurt Posts: 474	NI!

20th February 2003, 15:15	#61
Scar Da Kookee [Forum Pastry] Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 1,032	Man in bar: To tother man "So tell me, are yo interested in Photography?. You know, Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink, Grin, Grin, SAy no more!" 2nd man: "No, I'm afrid not..." 1st man: "Of course, you know, In the bedroom. Wink, wink, grin, grin, snicker, snicker, say no more!" Needs more moo-cows.

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