My School Is Filled With Idiots!!!!!!!

[jon_joy_1999]

This is an article from the Sierra College Lookout newspaper. it is dated 4-1-03
Toilet Crisis: Campus custodians soon to implement "Operation Pooper"
by Martin Corona
Custodial Consultant
There is a very serious ongoing issue at Sierra College. It has to do with the use of our facilities. Many are being overused while others see very little use at all.
Janitors all over the campus are complaining about the redundant cleaning of the same toilets and stalls.
Our team went out to investigate why some toilets are more popular than others and what we found was interesting.
Sutdents (particularly male) instinctively used the stalls and toilets that were most convenient. We talked to professor Von Vonneson, an expert on the subject.
"People are just lazy. They are not willing to go the extra steps to use the further facilities," Vonneson said.
On campus however students had a very different opinion. "This toilet just feels safer than the other toilets," said Jackob Johnson. Through our own research, indeed the safer toilet did feel better.
let's see if I can't change that.
/me grabs my waterproof camera, bottle rockets, Piccilo Petes
(with the bottoms flattened, of course) and mexican
firecrackers. meh heh heh
We asked a professional council and found that 8 out of 10 dentists agree that toilet choice should be based on security and comfortability of the toilet chosen. "Who want's to sit on a toilet made completely out of Jell-o?" asked Dr. Monroe.
The janitors on campus don't care for statistics, however. They plan to implement operation "Pooper."
Over the next several weeks they will sabotage many toilets and stalls with plastic wrap and other items of the sort in attempts to detour students into the less popular stalls. The operation will cost $200 but the faculty feel that it is worth the money.
"We are currently working on placing legal advisors on the less used toilets so people can obrain free legal advise as they do their business," said Cleo Petro, current head of the custodial division at Sierra.
Some students disagree with such tactics. "They cannot force us to use stalls and toilets we don't want to use. I'm going to relieve myself where I choose and no ammount of plastic wrap or legal advise is ever going to change that," said Jeremy Russel, whom we found tearing away at the plastic wrap in one of the toilets.
Next time you use the facilities be very cautious of traps being set out. But at the same time keep in mind if the way our toilets and stalls are being used doesn't change we could see many janitors going on toilet cleaning strikes


[typos located and removed - 1 - 12:03PM PST]

[Shenlong]

Ok...

Any stall for most people at my high school was fine enough...As long as a teacher wasn't in the restroom, it was a welcome place for pot-heads and their joint...

[ryan]

I'm offended.

[Raz]

Is this serious? jesus, schools have hit a new low.

[anubis2003]

My school, according to the school newspaper, has a 100% student marijuana usage. It's only 50% for cocaine and heroine.

Many of my school's pie graphs also don't add up to 100%.

Point being, that school newspapers are complete crap, and have now even resorted to talking about crap.

[henry3k56]

how sad. You know, what would save them $200 would be to just lock up the most popular restrooms and put little signs that show where the next closest one is located at. HOW HARD CAN THAT BE???? Hence, that is what my school does when people: smoke, drink, vandalize, and start fights in the bathrooms.

[Shenlong]

With the exception from alot of straight people, I seemed to be the only person who would drink alcohol in my high school...Everyone else was some crazy pot-head...I never did bring a half-pint of Jack to school for obvious reasons, though...

Fights hardly broke out. And aside from someone "accidentally" kicking in a window, a trophy case busted from horseplay, and a window burned from a blowtorch, people breaking off the toilet paper holders in stalls and putting them in the toilets, clogged toilets and water fountains, stolen magazines from the library, popping out the ceiling tiles, and water fountains being put out of order, vandalism was a hard thing to come by either.

[BMWboy]

Uh...

did any of you happen to notice when this article was written? 4-1-2003. april first. also known as April Fools.

[Shenlong]

My old high school still easily beats that joke in real life...

[RanDom_ErrOr]

look @ the date...

[Fickle]

I like to use the stall that's clean. Not the one with floaters or wet spots on the seat. I mean, how difficult is it to prop the seat up with your foot?
Oh, that'd ruin thier Tim's.
I'm so glad I'm out of school and only have to do the public restroom scene once in a blue moon.

[Shenlong]

Originally posted by Fickle
I'm so glad I'm out of school and only have to do the public restroom scene once in a blue moon.

Not much of the publically social person, aren't you? You buy groceries online too, or do you have someone do it for you?

[jon_joy_1999]

Originally posted by Raz_001
Is this serious? jesus, schools have hit a new low.

someone bought it LFMAO! I loooked at the paper and at first I thought it was real (I read the paper on the 3rd, not the 1st) and until I looked at the date of the paper I wasn't sure if they were having a slow day or what.
this just goes to show how many people don't look at dates unless they have to

Originally posted by Fickle
I like to use the stall that's clean. Not the one with floaters or wet spots on the seat. I mean, how difficult is it to prop the seat up with your foot?
Oh, that'd ruin thier Tim's.
I'm so glad I'm out of school and only have to do the public restroom scene once in a blue moon.

I whole-heartedly agree. if the toilets have floaters or any type of crap on the seat I won't even use those paper hulahoops (whatever the fuck they are.) if I have to bad enough I'll take some TP and go in the bushes but I refuse to use a dirty toilet.