The Adventures of Godoncrack Part 1

godoncrack · 20th October 2003, 21:15

10182003

I decide to go to a local non-gay bar to see a band play.
I make the hazardous journy and get there safely.
Hop on the seat and snag a Bud.
There's these two gesers siting on the otherside.
One is like, Fucked drunk
He goes to grab his beer, and pushes it over on the floor behind the bar.
The guy next to him starts hecklin this poor drunk bastard.
Well, you just don't heckle a drunk bastard.
So they both start talkin shit and things go outside.
The bar wench, about 5'5" small A cup, goes out and breaks it up.
Quite a little fireball, love to nail her at least once.
Well one beer later, the drunk bastard leaves(in his own car) and its just me, her, and dink.
Then things get.....odd.
He asked me to open up the Jutebox.
My picks:
1.eminem - Drips
2.3DD - When I'm gone
3.eminem - White America
4.(let bartender pick)
All of a sudden, my Gaydar gets pinged!!!!
That one beer seriously impacted my gaydar's effeciency.
A detailed scan would take at least 30 minutes, so i decided to wait and see what the fuck.
I'm knockin back another one and watchin a football game and that guy starts talkin to me.
I nodded and "yeah man" and shit
Then it came to me, he was givin me that look.
You know, the look you give a bitch when you want in her pants.
"ALL HANDS, BATTLESTATIONS"
"SHIELDS UP, FULL POWER TO WEAPONS"
NO
ACCESS DENIED
Using my superior lingustic skills, i backed him down.
Eventually, he surrendered.
I have found that homosexual men are greatly attracted to me.
I believe this is due to a feedback from my Gaydar.
Similar to the mannar in which whales and dolphins are attracted to submarines.
Grown accustomed to this, actually a little flattered at points and times......not now though.
I wait for the band to get there.
wait
wait
wait
wait........
(one hour later)
they show up, set up and start.
and for all the pain i went through
THEY SUCKED ASS!!!!!
I fall back to the house, see the awe inspiring millionth post, jerk it, and go to sleep
A day later i'm at work preping froglegs(boring) when my mind starts to wander.
Why was i so irate when that other less drunker bastard wanted my man puding?
Then the thought occured.
It was beautiful, nay HOLY!!!
PURE
HUMBLING
The thought was put through a rigorous set of quality control standards to ensure absoult perfection.
After much internal turmoil, it passes.
And at that time was ready for expression.

He just assumed he could have my ass.
Bullshit
Its MINE not yours.
You cant just have this prime piece of real estate like its free!!!!
Then the thought is expanded.
Is this thought familiar?
Yes.
That chic your tryin to talk out of her panties, is thinkin the exact same thing.
Truly worthy of further ponderance.
Moral of this story:
Gay people are good

Comments?Hate Mail?

horse-fly · 20th October 2003, 21:30

jesus that is one long post

godoncrack · 20th October 2003, 22:43

long and beautiful

Coman · 20th October 2003, 23:30

wait? you're not gay?!?

mikm · 21st October 2003, 00:18

You're gay? Didn't realize that. Interesting story, anyways

ShyShy · 21st October 2003, 00:35

Now you know how you make me feel.

Coman · 21st October 2003, 00:50

LMAO

hgnis · 21st October 2003, 02:05

Quote:

Originally posted by ShyShy
Now you know how you make me feel.

Like a prime piece of pie?
Actually, being hit on does have it's upside (pardon the pun) : Like free pizza. Just be careful not to pass out.

godoncrack · 21st October 2003, 19:27

Nope not gay, that is an exit only portal
I have to brace for impact everytime i drop the kids off at the pool

originating from shyshy

Quote:

Now you know how you make me feel.

errrrrrrrrr.......

mikm · 24th October 2003, 00:14

Then why do you go to gay bars...

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 00:27

Who said it was a gay bar?
I, ME, and MYSELF said in the first line it was a NON-GAY BAR.
Want to borrow a pair of contacts?

ElChevelle · 24th October 2003, 02:30

You took the guy home and fucked him, didn't you say?

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 03:30

he was all like
old
in his 50's
I don't rob the grave

mikm · 24th October 2003, 05:19

When you said you went to go to a non-gay bar, I assumed you mainly went to gay bars and decided to go to a non-gay one for a change. my mistake.

ShyShy · 24th October 2003, 06:19

Quote:

Originally posted by godoncrack
he was all like
old
in his 50's
I don't rob the grave

hgnis · 24th October 2003, 16:28

Taking notes I see.

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 22:06

As you should for wisdom and mojo flow like beer

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 22:37

As a continuance................

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 22:49

I was at the same non-gay bar a few nights ago
I had just come from a friends house and had worked over a 12-pack fairly well
I just wanted to stop in and have a beer and see the game on my way back to the woods
I roll in......KAREOKE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's this fat country bitch on stage.......
I never thought my ears could ever be raped
Until Bertha the road dog sodomized them with both ends
During the violence, I seem to have attracted the attention of a female
I was half way through with my beer and thinking of the peace and quite to await me back in the trees
When all of a sudden
OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
The bar wench throws another beer on the counter
I'm like wavin here off
NO BITCH NO
And she's like
That chic over there bought it
I'm like
FUCK
I don't want another beer
I don't want to stay in this bar and be the victim of more auditory carnage
And not to be THAT RUDE
But this chic had the looks of being passed around the Tool shed a bit toooo much
Then
GOD DECENDS FROM THE HEAVENS TO RESCUE HIS ANGEL IN DISTRESS
My friend Mike called
Doofus couldn't figure out how to use his CD burner
THAT I HAD JUST FINISHED EXPLAINING TO HIM BEFORE I LEFT
Good LEGAL, MORAL, ETHICAL reason to walk out of a bar
To take a Phone Call
I leave her beer
UNTOUCHED
on the counter
I counsul doofus
And evaluate my options
Five mintues later i'm at the house eating some Taco Bell
Did I do the right thing(not that I care)?
Should i have done more?
all hate mail
should be addressed to
coments@aol.com
please be sure to include lots of underage children in pornographic positions
Along with your Full Birth Name and Physical Address
So I can get back to you on your worth while ideas

hgnis · 24th October 2003, 23:47

Poser.

godoncrack · 24th October 2003, 23:57

how so dear hgnis?

Coman · 25th October 2003, 02:09

she spends her money on you and you leave her like this? rude.

LMAO at the aol thing

ShyShy · 25th October 2003, 02:25

Quote:

Originally posted by godoncrack
I never thought my ears could ever be raped
Until Bertha the road dog sodomized them with both ends

ROFLMAO

hgnis · 25th October 2003, 03:51

Quote:

Originally posted by godoncrack
But this chic had the looks of being passed around the Tool shed a bit toooo much

This is why you use two instead of one.
-Trojan Man

godoncrack · 25th October 2003, 13:52

So I take it that the majority of yall approve of my actions?

ShyShy · 25th October 2003, 14:28

Yeah, I would've ran out of that bar myself

Pixelcraft · 25th October 2003, 14:53

haha

godoncrack · 25th October 2003, 14:59

wtf

20th October 2003, 21:15	#1
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	The Adventures of Godoncrack Part 1 10182003 I decide to go to a local non-gay bar to see a band play. I make the hazardous journy and get there safely. Hop on the seat and snag a Bud. There's these two gesers siting on the otherside. One is like, Fucked drunk He goes to grab his beer, and pushes it over on the floor behind the bar. The guy next to him starts hecklin this poor drunk bastard. Well, you just don't heckle a drunk bastard. So they both start talkin shit and things go outside. The bar wench, about 5'5" small A cup, goes out and breaks it up. Quite a little fireball, love to nail her at least once. Well one beer later, the drunk bastard leaves(in his own car) and its just me, her, and dink. Then things get.....odd. He asked me to open up the Jutebox. My picks: 1.eminem - Drips 2.3DD - When I'm gone 3.eminem - White America 4.(let bartender pick) All of a sudden, my Gaydar gets pinged!!!! That one beer seriously impacted my gaydar's effeciency. A detailed scan would take at least 30 minutes, so i decided to wait and see what the fuck. I'm knockin back another one and watchin a football game and that guy starts talkin to me. I nodded and "yeah man" and shit Then it came to me, he was givin me that look. You know, the look you give a bitch when you want in her pants. "ALL HANDS, BATTLESTATIONS" "SHIELDS UP, FULL POWER TO WEAPONS" NO ACCESS DENIED Using my superior lingustic skills, i backed him down. Eventually, he surrendered. I have found that homosexual men are greatly attracted to me. I believe this is due to a feedback from my Gaydar. Similar to the mannar in which whales and dolphins are attracted to submarines. Grown accustomed to this, actually a little flattered at points and times......not now though. I wait for the band to get there. wait wait wait wait........ (one hour later) they show up, set up and start. and for all the pain i went through THEY SUCKED ASS!!!!! I fall back to the house, see the awe inspiring millionth post, jerk it, and go to sleep A day later i'm at work preping froglegs(boring) when my mind starts to wander. Why was i so irate when that other less drunker bastard wanted my man puding? Then the thought occured. It was beautiful, nay HOLY!!! PURE HUMBLING The thought was put through a rigorous set of quality control standards to ensure absoult perfection. After much internal turmoil, it passes. And at that time was ready for expression. He just assumed he could have my ass. Bullshit Its MINE not yours. You cant just have this prime piece of real estate like its free!!!! Then the thought is expanded. Is this thought familiar? Yes. That chic your tryin to talk out of her panties, is thinkin the exact same thing. Truly worthy of further ponderance. Moral of this story: Gay people are good Comments?Hate Mail? sin is human

20th October 2003, 22:43	#3
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	long and beautiful sin is human

20th October 2003, 23:30	#4
Coman Punk (Forum King) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: 4.5th dimension . . Posts: infinitely few Posts: 2,799	wait? you're not gay?!? "Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?"

21st October 2003, 00:18	#5
mikm Major Dude Join Date: May 2001 Location: 2001:4978:20f::/48 Posts: 1,244	You're gay? Didn't realize that. Interesting story, anyways powered by Câ‚‚Hâ‚…OH \| eff \| aclu

21st October 2003, 00:50	#7
Coman Punk (Forum King) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: 4.5th dimension . . Posts: infinitely few Posts: 2,799	LMAO "Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?"

20th October 2003, 21:30	#2
horse-fly Account Closed Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,360	jesus that is one long post

21st October 2003, 00:35	#6
ShyShy Amazon Bush Woman Forum Queen Join Date: May 2003 Location: The Sticks, Queensland Posts: 8,018	Now you know how you make me feel.

24th October 2003, 00:14	#10
mikm Major Dude Join Date: May 2001 Location: 2001:4978:20f::/48 Posts: 1,244	Then why do you go to gay bars... powered by Câ‚‚Hâ‚…OH \| eff \| aclu

24th October 2003, 00:27	#11
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	Who said it was a gay bar? I, ME, and MYSELF said in the first line it was a NON-GAY BAR. Want to borrow a pair of contacts? sin is human

24th October 2003, 02:30	#12
ElChevelle Moderator Alumni Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: the MANCANNON! Posts: 22,431	You took the guy home and fucked him, didn't you say?

24th October 2003, 03:30	#13
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	he was all like old in his 50's I don't rob the grave sin is human

24th October 2003, 05:19	#14
mikm Major Dude Join Date: May 2001 Location: 2001:4978:20f::/48 Posts: 1,244	When you said you went to go to a non-gay bar, I assumed you mainly went to gay bars and decided to go to a non-gay one for a change. my mistake. powered by Câ‚‚Hâ‚…OH \| eff \| aclu

24th October 2003, 16:28	#16
hgnis Hobbit Humper Forum King Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: banned camp Posts: 4,098	Taking notes I see. I am so important I feel the need to let it be known like a liberal discovering the internets for the first time. Uh hur hur hur. I also wash myself with a rag on a stick. Reality bites <3

24th October 2003, 22:06	#17
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	As you should for wisdom and mojo flow like beer sin is human

24th October 2003, 22:37	#18
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	As a continuance................ sin is human

24th October 2003, 22:49	#19
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	I was at the same non-gay bar a few nights ago I had just come from a friends house and had worked over a 12-pack fairly well I just wanted to stop in and have a beer and see the game on my way back to the woods I roll in......KAREOKE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! There's this fat country bitch on stage....... I never thought my ears could ever be raped Until Bertha the road dog sodomized them with both ends During the violence, I seem to have attracted the attention of a female I was half way through with my beer and thinking of the peace and quite to await me back in the trees When all of a sudden OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE The bar wench throws another beer on the counter I'm like wavin here off NO BITCH NO And she's like That chic over there bought it I'm like FUCK I don't want another beer I don't want to stay in this bar and be the victim of more auditory carnage And not to be THAT RUDE But this chic had the looks of being passed around the Tool shed a bit toooo much Then GOD DECENDS FROM THE HEAVENS TO RESCUE HIS ANGEL IN DISTRESS My friend Mike called Doofus couldn't figure out how to use his CD burner THAT I HAD JUST FINISHED EXPLAINING TO HIM BEFORE I LEFT Good LEGAL, MORAL, ETHICAL reason to walk out of a bar To take a Phone Call I leave her beer UNTOUCHED on the counter I counsul doofus And evaluate my options Five mintues later i'm at the house eating some Taco Bell Did I do the right thing(not that I care)? Should i have done more? all hate mail should be addressed to coments@aol.com please be sure to include lots of underage children in pornographic positions Along with your Full Birth Name and Physical Address So I can get back to you on your worth while ideas sin is human

24th October 2003, 23:47	#20
hgnis Hobbit Humper Forum King Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: banned camp Posts: 4,098	Poser. I am so important I feel the need to let it be known like a liberal discovering the internets for the first time. Uh hur hur hur. I also wash myself with a rag on a stick. Reality bites <3

24th October 2003, 23:57	#21
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	how so dear hgnis? sin is human

25th October 2003, 02:09	#22
Coman Punk (Forum King) Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: 4.5th dimension . . Posts: infinitely few Posts: 2,799	she spends her money on you and you leave her like this? rude. LMAO at the aol thing "Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?"

25th October 2003, 13:52	#25
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	So I take it that the majority of yall approve of my actions? sin is human

25th October 2003, 14:28	#26
ShyShy Amazon Bush Woman Forum Queen Join Date: May 2003 Location: The Sticks, Queensland Posts: 8,018	Yeah, I would've ran out of that bar myself

25th October 2003, 14:53	#27
Pixelcraft Wildly Confused (Major Dude) Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Minnesota Posts: 1,204	haha "It's like saying give a man a Les Paul guitar and he becomes Eric Clapton, and of course that's not true, give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer and he doesn't become...whoever; he doesn't become us." - Roger Waters

25th October 2003, 14:59	#28
godoncrack Forum King Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: http://www.mossad.gov.il Posts: 2,135	wtf sin is human

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