Remote controlling is based on the server. Talk to the host and find a solution that way.
As for editing playlists and stuff, you can use KXRM's sc_nsv
and just add a #reload to the playlist and that way, you can just FTP up new videos and overwrite the playlist and it'll adjust after it gets to the #reload line. This is assuming the server is linux. If its not, then remote access is probably needed to adjust the windows programs.