Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Between here and there.
I have been writing a short story, I need someone's opinion on this so far. so please be brutally honest and let me know what you think...
It is not done yet this is maybe 1/2 thanks........
She glanced out across the ocean, looking eastward t'ward her love.
As she stared, with sightless eyes, the moon rose slowly in the darkening night. Millions of tiny holes, penetrated the blackening skies,
she wondered where he was right now, and tears welled up up inside her. Being too strong, too proud to let them flow, she held them back,
each one making her heart grow ever harder.
"He left me," she whispered softly onto the wandering night breeze, the sounds of the city behind were engulfed in that one, ever so seemingly loud sentence.
She remembered the past weeks, and the times they had spent, the fun, the total pleasure of their bodies being in contact. She remembered only too well the pleasure she had experienced,
as for the first time in her life, she had learned to make love.
"Nobody could take his place," she thought mournfully, "from now on, I will remain alone."
She sat there in silence till the sun started rising again, thinking and remembering him.
She realized she had tears running down her face, and the brisk breeze gave her a chill.
She got in her car and sat there for a minute thinking of how he use to feel and smell when he was around. She got a chill that came over her and then this blast of heat rose up from deep inside her. Her face went flush and she took a deep breathe as if to shake it away.
She drove home in silence not even the radio on. She just wanted to get home and crawl in her bed and sleep away the memories that seem to fill her every movement. She was trying to run away from the things he did to her before he left her. The way he made her feel and the last words he had said to her.
She finally arrived home, not a moment to soon as the tears began to fall again. She hurried into her house and ran to the bathroom, stripping off her sea-soaked clothes she jumped in the shower and scrunched down letting the hot spray wash over her body the way a waterfall glides down a mountain.
She finally just sank down till she was sitting and leaning against the tubwalls. the cold empty feeling rising up in her again. She was miserable, she couldn't figure out why he would just up and leave her after confessing his love to her.
She had remembered the night he left, she had him over to her house for a romantic night with dinner and a movie. She had planned everything perfect for them. She had been so excited all that day just waiting for her Love to come to her. To make her feel special and wanted.
Well, she thought to herself, He made me feel special alright and she gasped as she felt a cold breeze come across her which made her nipples hard.
She just couldn't take this anymore the feeling of lonliness after all the time they had spent together and then * bam * he was like a ghost that did not exist at all to her. She thought again back to the lastnight she had seen him, nothing made sence to her. They were doing fine, no fights or arguments. The night went perfect just as she had planned, they had dinner and cleaned up the kitchen together just as they always did.
They snuggled and watched the movie he brought over and then retired into her bedroom.
Everything was perfect in her mind, no matter how many times she analyzed this. Nothing was wrong, he never once said or did anything out of the ordinary, In the 6 months they had been together, He was always very loving and caring to her.
That night they had made love more passionate then ever. He had done things to her she never had happen before. He was so easy and considerate of her. Thinking about it now, she began to feel herself getting weak in the knees, God she thought how could this happen after all the pain she felt inside her, how could she still long for him, want him as much as she does.
In the back of her mind she heard his voice, whispering " I love you baby, always."
As she heard this the tears began to fall again, and she felt this sudden rush of heat again. It rose up inside her. The water became hot and the bathroom steamy, as if someone turned on the hot water full blast. She blinked her eyes as if in disbelief. How could this be happening she thought. " What is going on with me", she whispered into the air.
The bathroom was all steamy and hazy from the water. She swore she saw a figure in the shadows, she decided she was tired and in much need of sleep since she had not slept in 3 weeks since he left her.
She attempted to get out of the tub, but her legs were heavy and she felt lightheaded. The effect from the steam and the hotwater had over-powered her. She stood on weak legs and almost lost her balance when she felt someone or something steady her. She started shaking, as she did not know what was going on.
She managed to get out of the tub and in a daze she ended up in her bed, soaked and naked she fell sleep. In the middle of night she had awoken, to strange sounds coming from her room. She tried to turn on the lights but they would not light. She could barely see in front of her, there was a very faint glow illumitating from the outside street lights and the moon's glow.
In the distance she heard her name being called faintly, she was in a state of shock because it was his voice. She kept hearing " Alexandria ". It was getting closer, and more distinct. She was shaking each time she heard the breathy voice call out to her. The voice, his voice, sounded so sad, like something was wrong with him. Like he needed her but could not get there.
It has to be a dream she thought, as the tears rolled down her face. How could he need her when he left her so suddenly, so unexplained, when things were so perfect. She started to remember their lastnight together, How he looked, how he felt and it was more then she could take.
She tried to climb out of bed to get away from the voice, but she couldn't, she was drawn to it. She needed him to come back to her. She was addicted to him and hated him for hurting her. For making her feel used, and worthless once again. She hated the way she felt, like she was losing herself in the dreams that she had of him, Of the way things were before that fateful night.
She laid down, pulled the blankets over her head and closed her eyes tight, with hopes of shutting out the voice. She started to drift off to sleep again. Very restless she was, fighting the voices, the feelings she had. She tossed and turned until the morning.
The morning came way to quick for her, she looked out the window with her eyes half open, she could see it was a dreary, rainy day. She sighed as she pulled herself from the bed.
When she looked back at it, she realized she had fought in her sleep as the blankets were in a shamble.
She forced herself to go take a shower, she needed one but after last nights occurances in the bathroom, she was now frightened of being in there.
She quickly showered and got herself out of the bathroom in record time, with hopes she didn't hear the voice or see the figure she had seen the night before.
Every time she heard a noise she jumped, and this was wearing on her quickly.
She dressed fast and left her house as soon as she could. She got in her car and drove. it was the only place she felt at peace.
She drove around with no where in mind to go, so she ended up at the beach again. She parked her car and got out and started walking as she always did to find peace. This was where she could try and put things into perspective, the actions of him. She needs to understand, to get over it so could attempt to be happy once again.
As she walked on the beach the overwhelming feeling of being watched came over her. She looked around but didn't see anyone, suddenely this brisk freezing breeze floated over her. She got chills and feeling of loss and started to cry all over again.
How she hated this, the unknowing feelings around her, Was she losing her mind?
She walked on further till she just couldn't get away from the breeze anymore, she sat down out of weariness and put her head in her hands. She was calling out to him, " Why. oh why did you leave me like this?"
All of a sudden the breeze stopped, this warm feeling came over her as if someone wrapped her in up their arms. She snuggled into it, and heard her name once again. The voice was so loving and caring. It was so familier. It was his voice, she was sure of it now.
She semi-smiled as she heard the voice that was calming to her all these months and then a pang of pain hit her as she remembered that he was gone from her life.
She listened carefully to the voice calling to her heart and soul, she heard not the same reassuring voice, but something sad and painful, as he called out " Alexandria."
In return she quietly and painfully said his name for the first time since he left her, "Allen.."
That was the hardest thing she ever did. To actually speak his name out in the open, it tore her heart out. The last time she had spoke his name was the night he left her house, She had said, " Allen, I love you with all my heart and soul."
That was the last thing she had ever said to him.
As she sat there, she felt as if someone were watching her every movement again, this feeling was beginning to make her lose control. She felt as if she was going mad. She couldn't take it anymore.
Breifly, she thought maybe I would be better off dead, then alone and miserable.
As she thought that she heard someone scream out from the parking lot. She got up to look but the time she got there the lot was empty.
She noticed some sort of paper on her window, she walked over to her car and seen it was a newspaper dated 1 week ago.
She was confused, who would put a week old newspaper on her car, even more puzzled she looked at the name of the paper.
It was a paper from awhole other state. It was a paper from Washington State. She lived in Florida.
This was so confusing to her....
She glanced over the front page, nothing really struck out at her, She seen the usual news stories you would see on a newspaper. She finally reached the bottom and it hit her like a ton of bricks falling off a skyscraper.
She was seeing stars, her head was spinning and the last thing she remembered was pure blackness.
Gripping the paper against her chest, she passed out cold on the road.
I've been c0rrupted in a world of make.believe.